Thomas Tuchel was proper to name Jude Bellingham ‘repulsive’ – now England are reaping rewards
BRENT A GOB: This week, Harry Brent is going after the fans reacting to Jude Bellingham’s hot World Cup form – and ITV commentating duo Sam Matterface and Lee Dixon
Our man Harry Brent is raging in his latest column
Jude Bellingham is having an absolute corker of a World Cup for England, there’s absolutely no denying it.
And for a man like me who thinks he’s a bigger p**** than the one between I Am Maximus’ legs, that’s saying something. But those sneeringly suggesting that this proves Thomas Tuchel was wrong to call out his “repulsive” behaviour last year are wrong.
They’re about as wide of the mark as Gabriel’s penalty in the Champions League final. Bellingham went into this World Cup with three major tournaments under his belt and about as many memorable England performances as Tottenham have Premier League trophies.
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His only notable impact was scoring a bicycle against a bunch of Slovakian bin men at Euro 2024 – a moment he immediately ruined by going full Michael Jackson: grabbing his crotch and moaning at the audience.
Consider, for a minute, that Tuchel knew exactly how to turn Bellingham from a pompous pillock with an ego the size of Harry Maguire’s forehead into a humble, disciplined, lung-busting machine.
By calling out his “Billy Big B*******” routine, Tuchel has scrubbed all – well, most – of the Hollywood gunk off England’s best midfielder and turned him into Zinedine Zidane, only with a decent hairline and hopefully fewer headbutts.
And lo and behold, we’re seeing the fruits of that labour. Bellingham is busting a gut, keeping his head down and leading by example – not sauntering around the centre circle like a catwalk model waiting for his lighting cues.
So save your revisionist history and sit down. Tuchel’s treatment of Bellingham has been about as on the money as King Charles’ face.
Instead of enabling his flaws, Tuchel has given a petulant superstar the exact categorical booting up the arse that might just win England the bloody World Cup.
Bin Dixon and Matterface
Why do ITV have such loyalty to Sam Matterface and Lee Dixon – two blokes with the collective charisma of an unbuttered Ryvita biscuit?
They’re the Gianni Infantino of football commentators – they’re in the top job but you have absolutely no idea how they got there or why they haven’t been binned yet.
Much like Cristiano Ronaldo at this World Cup, the fact that they were given a lead role is as embarrassing and baffling as the refereeing during England versus Mexico.
Let’s start with Dixon. The man is a literal vampire of joy. He looks miserable, sounds miserable and has the enthusiasm of Keir Starmer handing Andy Burnham a “Congratulations on the New Job” card.
Matterface, meanwhile, is about as bog-standard as it gets. He’s a lukewarm pint of Neck Oil: completely inescapable, utterly overrated – only instead of empty calories, you get empty platitudes.
Between them, they’re a bigger triumph of mediocrity than Chelsea under BlueCo. Time to kick ’em both to the curb!
England’s 2026 World Cup kits
England and Nike have launched the new home, away and goalkeeper kits to be worn at this summer’s FIFA World Cup. You can get free delivery on all orders with the code DEAL.
