DJ Toby Tarrant is ‘guaranteed winner’ at World Cup match due to Norwegian heritage
When England face Norway in the World Cup quarter finals, there’s one man who’s guaranteed to win. Radio X DJ – and now stand-up comic – Toby Tarrant is half English and half Norwegian.
Naturally, he’s planning to claim victory whoever comes out on top. But as he tells Meg Jorsh, he fears the Three Lions may need a bit of extra help…
If your knowledge of Norwegian football begins and ends with Erling Haaland, Toby Tarrant has some bad news for you. The 6ft 5in Man City powerhouse is actually pretty typical.
As the son of telly icon Chris Tarrant and Norwegian presenter Ingrid Dupre, Toby visits Norway all the time. And it’s given him some worrying insights into the national character.
“It’s about being ridiculously nice, being very tall, being very good looking and smelling nice,” he says. “Where English people just go drinking all the time, they do wholesome things like go hiking in the mountains.
“Basically, their country is perfect. Whenever I visit there, I realise that they are better than us in every single way.”
The presenter, who grew up in Esher, Surrey, admits he doesn’t speak a “single word” of Norwegian. But when it comes to the two countries, his loyalties are “split down the middle.”
He refuses to choose between his parents, who divorced in 2007, so he’s watching with his mates and waving the flags of both nations. But for the part of him that’s an England fan, it’s going to be a tense occasion.
“The only thing England has ever been better at than Norway is football,” he says. “And now there’s a chance we may not even have that. It’s taken all these years of Norway being rubbish to realise the Viking build is the most perfect footballing build of all time.
“If you were to design a Norwegian man with AI, it would give you Erling Haaland. And it turns out he’s the greatest striker in the world. So I worry, for England’s sake, that Norway is about to take over.”
Of course, Harry Kane and the lads have seen off some tough challenges already. Just look at their thrilling 3-2 win over Mexico on Monday, despite being a man down and their opponents having the home advantage.
But when it comes to Erling and his teammates, Toby can’t think of any obvious weaknesses. “This is the problem,” he adds. “The Norwegians are very, very nice, so I don’t think any of the usual footballing dark arts are going to work.
“And Haaland looks like something sent by the Norse gods to play football, whereas Harry Kane looks like he should be working in IT.”
There may be some mileage in the England stars creating a distraction. They could try chatting to Haaland about some of his interests, like Minecraft, Viking sagas and luxury handbags.
“Norwegians are massive nerds at heart,” says Toby. “So they love things like Minecraft and Dungeons and Dragons and they’re very, very wholesome, simple people, essentially.
“I tend to stay with family either in Oslo or on the fjords in a small area called Stokke in the south. The fjords are the most beautiful place on earth and everyone should visit.
“The other city I recommend is Bergen if its not raining, its officially the rainiest city on earth. Be warned Norwegian beer is crap but the seafood is superb.”
Toby also rates the curse the Daily Star has placed on Norway, using the country’s runic alphabet. Reporter Joshua Whorms scrawled the message on a Norway flag and delivered it to the Norwegian Embassy in London.
“A lot of Norwegians still do believe in trolls,” says Toby. “They get very lonely up in the Arctic Circle, and it is dark for about 10 months a year, so they genuinely believe in trolls in the north of Norway.
“So I think they probably do believe that you can put some sort of Norse curse on the boys. It’s worth a try, anyway.”
In the meantime, the broadcaster is planning on enjoying the best of both worlds. “You know the famous Freddie Mercury video where he sings the man and the woman’s parts and he keeps rotating his head? Well, that’s going to be me.
“I’m going to be half Viking, half IT. And depending on how the game’s going, I can suddenly be more English or more Norwegian.”
- Listen to Radio X with Toby Tarrant weekdays from 10am to 1am across the UK, and tickets to his debut Edinburgh Fringe stand-up show ‘Utter Bloke Nonsense’ are available at edfringe.com
Toby Tarrant’s song picks to inspire an England victory
Toby says: “I saw that Ed Sheeran played for the England boys in their camp and I think if we lose the World Cup, it’s entirely his fault. I can’t imagine anything less inspiring than Ed Sheeran.”
He recommends the lads try one of these songs instead:
- Enter Sandman – Metallica
- Lose Yourself – Eminem
- Gimme Shelter – Rolling Stones
- Thunderstruck – ACDC
- Welcome To The Jungle – Guns ‘N’ Roses
