Jeremy Clarkson’s failed profession in a band the place he ‘combined the songs up’
Clarkson’s Farm star said he got band’s songs muddled up but it was ‘easy’ like modern day pop – which means new geniuses like Mozart or prog rockers ELP are going undiscovered
Jeremy Clarkson was a punk rocker (Image: NurPhoto, NurPhoto via Getty Images)
Jeremy Clarkson was a punk rocker – in a band called Bacon Sandwich. The Clarkson’s Farm host said he had a ‘short-lived’ and non-too-successful stint as lead singer – and got the songs mixed up.
“Not a single person in the audience noticed that I’d sung the lyrics to one song while the band played something else,” he said.
“Even I didn’t notice until they finished before I did.”
Jeremy said modern music was ‘easy’ and performed by artists who ‘made some noises on a computer in their bedroom’ and went on ‘cheap’ solo tours.
He said there must be modern geniuses like Mozart and Beethoven or prog rockers Emerson, Lake & Palmer and Van der Graaf Generator.
Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart with his harpsichord(Image: Getty Images/DeAgostini)
But unless someone funds their work, ‘we’ll be stuck with Taylor Swift and Adele’ – who he said were ‘very talented pop singers’ but ‘mostly they are cheap’.
Clarkson, 66, called on billionaires Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos and Bill Gates to dip their hands in their pockets and ‘get the musical superstars back’.
He said: “George Harrison did this very thing when he gave Monty Python the money they needed to make Life of Brian. “None of the usual companies would touch it. It was too risky. “But he came along and as a result of his largesse the world now has something to treasure.
“So come on, Musk and Gates and Jeff. The next Mozart is out there. So’s the next Keith Emerson. But to create what they could create and then perform it needs the sort of cash only you have.
“And unless you cough up we’ll be stuck with Taylor Swift and Adele. Very often now there are no bands at all in the UK top 40.
“It’s full of solo artists or kids who’ve made some noises on a computer in their bedroom.
Emerson, Lake & Palmer(Image: Mondadori via Getty Images)
“This is because it’s cheaper to tour when there’s just you, and also you don’t have to spend all day wiping the sick off your guitarist or paying for the damage caused when your drummer put some dynamite in the hotel’s lavatories.
“On the road one woman with a microphone is profitable. A six-piece band with a full range of keyboards, five thousand lasers and a drum kit the size of Harrogate isn’t.
“In 1977 Emerson, Lake & Palmer toured America with a 70-piece orchestra. That was so expensive that halfway through the tour the orchestra was sent home, and they carried on as a trio. Today they wouldn’t even be able to do that.”
Clarkson said governments could not be trusted to provide funding because they would want worthy songs with lyrics about ‘social mobility in the community’.
“Whereas what we need is: ‘Battleships confide in me and tell me where you are, shining, flying, purple wolfhound, show me where you are, lost in summer, morning, winter, travel very far, lost in losing circumstances, that’s just where you are.’
Adele(Image: Getty Images)
“Utterly magnificent, towering gibberish,” he said.
Clarkson said prog rock classics had a ‘pretentious title, meaningless lyrics’ and were ‘complicated’ and ‘so long that there was a very real risk that some people in the audience would die before it was over’.
But you had to be an ‘accomplished musician to play it and something of a scholar to write it’.
“I like complicated,” he said.
“Just listen to the time signature on Solsbury Hill to see what I mean. 4/4 disco was easier – anyone could do it. And so was punk. Disco and punk were cheaper too.
He said ‘none of the people’ who write modern hits ‘will be remembered a hundred years from now in the way Beethoven, Bach and Mozart are’.
“And as Peter Hammill from Van der Graaf Generator will be,” he added.
