Alex was charismatic and good-looking. The management began slowly – then he began smashing issues up and set my garments on fireplace. This is how I escaped… then my life took an unfathomably magical flip

When Sarah Jepson proposed to her partner Dean last month, it was witnessed by hundreds of people then shared on Instagram 270,000 times. 

She hadn’t planned it, had no idea she was even going to do it, until she found herself dropping to one knee in the audience at a live event in Bristol hosted by relationship expert Paul C Brunson, who couldn’t believe what he was seeing. 

Everyone cheered – the venue erupted – but few knew the story behind it. 

This was a woman who, 14 years earlier, had fled an abusive marriage with two young daughters. This was a woman who had once relied on a partner to tell her what she was allowed to wear, how to behave and whether she could see her friends. 

‘Proposing to Dean felt like a beautiful full-circle moment,’ says Sarah, now 46. 

‘No one had fixed me. I’d fixed myself. I’d learnt what healthy love was and I didn’t need to wait for a man to ask me to marry him!’

Sarah was very different when she met her first husband in her 20s. ‘I was already vulnerable,’ she says. After a difficult childhood, she’d chosen a university in Devon as far from home as possible and remained there after graduation. She was working in an estate agents when she met Alex*, who was employed by the same firm. 

‘He was charismatic, handsome – one of the most intelligent people I’ve met,’ she says. He also had the family life Sarah yearned for. 

‘Within weeks, I’d met his brothers and I was having Sunday lunches with his huge family, something I’d always craved. The relationship moved at 100mph, from a couple of dates to me effectively moving in with him.’

Very soon, Alex began exerting control – so subtly that Sarah can barely recall how it started. 

‘Whatever I did was never OK,’ she says. ‘Silly things. One night we were out with another couple and I leapfrogged over a bollard. He didn’t talk to me for the rest of the evening as, apparently, I shouldn’t have done that while dressed in a skirt. 

‘On the beach, going for a swim, he’d left before we even reached the sea because he thought I’d looked at another man.

‘I’d moved to work in another company,’ she continues, ‘and if there was a staff night out, I’d have to plan when and how to ask if I could go. Then I’d have to plan what I was allowed to wear – never anything revealing, I couldn’t ever wear a V-neck. At the end of the night, there would be an interrogation: “Who did you talk to?” 

‘At some point, an answer would send him into a fury. He’d smash things, maybe lock me in a room, confiscate my phone. So when the next staff night out came round, of course I wouldn’t go as it was too exhausting.’

One of Sarah’s most painful memories was sparked by a night out with her friend and her friend’s husband. 

‘Alex turned up at the nightclub and sat there watching me. I found it frightening and went back to my friend’s house. He went home and set fire to all my clothes, my passport, birth certificate, my diaries. He erased my life – and the really scary thing is, I still went back to him.

‘He had chipped away daily at my self-worth so that was how little I valued myself. He was smart and would tie me in knots. He would manipulate anything I said so I’d end up thinking, “Oh my god, he’s right. I shouldn’t have done that.” He was very good at making up, too. He’d leave flowers on my car, saying he was so sorry, that it was passion, he just couldn’t help how much he loved me. 

‘By then I was so isolated, I had no one else. My friends would beg me not to go back to him and so each time I did, it damaged those friendships. I was ashamed, too, so I kept everyone at arm’s length.’

Sarah was in her mid-30s, married to Alex with two children when she finally got away. ‘Motherhood flipped a switch,’ she says. ‘Living in that relationship was one thing but letting my children live in it was another. I knew I needed to leave, and for that I needed to be financially independent.’ 

While her second daughter was still a baby, Sarah launched her own marketing and PR company. ‘It was a lifeline,’ she says. 

‘Within two years, I was earning more than enough to support myself and my children. That’s when I left.’

Her escape was planned like a military operation. Sarah found her new home, added extra security to the windows and doors and organised the entire move, telling Alex at the final moment. The next few years weren’t easy. Alex stayed in their lives and fought for custody. There were three court cases. 

Though Alex remarried, his pattern of behaviour continued until he was finally imprisoned after an incident with his second wife. She had called the police and he had pointed a loaded crossbow at attending officers. Only then was Sarah awarded full custody of her daughters.

But it was no simple happy ending. She was parenting alone, running a busy agency, managing staff, organising events, drinking heavily, partying hard. 

‘I was vulnerable and needy, desperate for love and male validation,’ she says. ‘It was the age of Tinder and I went straight into a few unhealthy relationships until I realised that I couldn’t blame my ex any more. It was an absolute lightbulb moment. If I wanted different outcomes, I had to do things differently. I had to change myself into someone who felt worthy.’

For ten years, Sarah was single while she healed herself. She had therapy, stopped drinking completely, and swapped her obsessive exercise regime for reiki, cold-water swimming and forest walks. She hired a nutritionist. 

‘It was the biggest gift to learn to be yourself by yourself,’ Sarah says.

Only when she’d come through it all was she ready for Dean, someone she had known vaguely through her work for 14 years.

By then, it was 2020. ‘I was very cautious,’ she says. ‘When Dean asked me to dinner, I said I could go if we called it a business meeting. I wasn’t ready to “date”.’ 

At the end of that dinner, though, they had their first kiss. 

‘I called him on the way home and he blurted, “I just love looking at your face…” I know that sounds silly, but it was like he saw all of me and not just the physical side. I don’t think any man had ever made me feel that way. The feelings were there but I waited quite a while to get intimate.’

Dean, 42, who had two young children, was going through a divorce and witnessing the process told Sarah all she needed to know about his character. 

‘He and his ex had realised they weren’t compatible, but they still get on brilliantly and I have a great relationship with her, too,’ she says. 

‘I got to watch how Dean navigated the divorce and the respect he has for his whole family. He is the most genuine, patient, loving human being. He didn’t force a relationship with my girls, who were teenagers. It happened naturally. It took a while for us to fully trust him and at times I was so afraid, I wanted to push him away. He told me every single day that he was going to be here for us and at some point, he knew I’d believe it.’

By the time Sarah proposed, they were already living together. ‘I knew he was my one, he was my forever and I’d been thinking about proposing,’ she says. ‘On that night, I had this overwhelming sense to “do it now”. It was like an out-of-body experience and I was shaking all over.’ 

In the video, Dean looks as surprised as everyone else.

He says yes, of course.

‘When the video went online, we had to rush home and tell the children before someone else did,’ she says. ‘Their reaction was wonderful. They were so excited!’ 

A couple of days later, Sarah’s elder daughter, who is 18, told her mother that she’d changed Dean’s name on her phone to Dad. Her younger daughter, 15, wants to make things ‘official’, so they are exploring the possibility of Dean adopting her.

This Christmas, the couple will have all four children with them, aged from seven to 18. ‘We’re like the Waltons. There will be board games, tech-free time and we have a wood-fired hot tub so I’ll be cranking that up for a bit of forced family fun!

‘The wedding isn’t just about me and Dean, it’s a family affair. Christmas will give us space to plan it. This has been such a big year for us. I’m living proof that it’s not only possible to “survive” abuse. You can do better. You can find the love you dream of.’

*Name has been changed