‘My man slept along with his ex 4 instances an evening – I’m being shortchanged’

JUST JANE: Today our agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is dealing with a new issue from a Daily Star reader who is confused by her lover’s private diaries and saucy reading material

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If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.

Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.

From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.

If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email [email protected]. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.

Hang on snoopy

I recently had a snoop around my boyfriend’s office. I was bored and inquisitive. I found diaries, notebooks and printed porn.

He’s a man who keeps everything and I couldn’t help but read his entries. During 2018 he was with his ex-girlfriend, my arch rival. On his birthday (April 24^th) he’d written: “We had a few drinks and made passionate love four times, as usual”. As usual! I’m lucky if he ‘makes love’ to me four times a week. I feel short changed. Why isn’t he jumping my bones more often?

Then there’s the porn – lots of images of large breasted women who look nothing like me. What’s all that about? How can he claim to love me but fancy them? I’m now very confused about my role in his life. If he had better sex with his ex and is turned on by cartoon-like busty bombshells, then why am I still kicking around? I’m furious.

JANE SAYS: No good ever came from sneaking around reading other people’s diaries. You can’t condemn your fella for something he wrote nearly six years ago, which may or may not even be true. Whatever happened in the past, with his ex-lover, is his business.

As for being jealous of the women in his porn mags, you need to sober up and remember that they are fantasy images – larger-than-life inventions.

You cannot be jealous of something printed on a page. If you’re unhappy with your relationship in general, then speak to him in a cool, calm manner. If you think your sex life needs a boost, then make it a priority and carve out extra time for sex.

Also, I think you need to own up and apologise for snooping, because it’s not a good look and it’s not fair.

Separate beds

My partner has admitted that she hates sex. She loathes the sight of my naked body and would be happy to sleep in separate beds. If she’s not got a migraine; then it’s a painful period; bad back or sore skin. The other night I went to touch her and she sneezed. Apparently, that meant she had ‘flu coming, so I was pushed away.

I don’t know how much more I can take. We’ve been together for six years. She says that she loves me and would like a family. But how are we ever going to create a child?

JANE SAYS: There could be several reasons for your partner’s lack of spark. Could she have lost her sexual confidence? Be conflicted about her true sexuality?

Presumably, she was interested in sex at the beginning of your relationship. But if all she does now is push you away and avoid sex at all costs, then I don’t think you can risk your self-worth by sticking with her for much longer. I fear that if you stay together as you are, then she’ll only continue to upset, frustrate you.

Talk to her away from the bedroom and make it clear that this can’t go on. Tell her that you must hear the truth; no matter how raw that may be, because the current rejection is killing you

I don’t matter

I need to have a serious heart-to-heart with my best mate. The problem is that she is self-obsessed. She never stops bragging about how good looking, clever and lucky she is. We go out and I barely get to speak all night. It’s all: “Look at my new clothes; I’m so brilliant; everyone fancies me”.

Recently we went for a drink. I wanted to talk about my job, which is horrible. But instead of listening, she waded straight in with details of her great night of sex with her married lover. She didn’t even notice that I’d had stopped listening.

How must I approach this without us falling out?

JANE SAYS: You describe this woman as your friend, but is she really? Do true friends talk all night and disregard the feelings of others? I agree that something needs to be said to your ‘mate’. Try to keep your cool. Invite her to your place and calmly ask her to hear you out.

Explain that you value her friendship, but something must change.

You are her equal and won’t be talked at; overwhelmed or ignored. She must be prepared to listen to you and accept that you have a life and issues too.

Sadly, if she’s not actually interested in you; if you’re not anything more than a sounding board, then it’s time to rethink this friendship, before she sucks the life out of you.