‘I walked in on my man bonking his ex-boss with intercourse toys’
If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email [email protected]. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Time is up
My last relationship ended badly in November when I caught my partner in our bed with his old boss.
I was so angry that I threw his clothes out into the street and told him to ‘get out’.
Yet he’s still here and I don’t know what I can do about it. The problem is that he genuinely believes that I owe him a home. Many years ago, I was on my knees after an unhealthy relationship with a money-grabbing married man. He bled me dry and then dumped me when his wife announced she was pregnant.
I moved in with my sister and drowned my sorrows in white wine. Eventually I went on the dating apps and met my last partner (the one who is still living with me). He swept me off my feet and gave me a home.
To begin with our relationship was passionate and loving. I achieved my first ever orgasm with him, which was amazing. But then he lost his job and rented flat. Around the same time, my aunt died leaving me her house. We upped sticks to my inherited property, which I now own outright.
But things came to a horrible head on Bonfire Night when I came home early from work and caught him defiling my bed with his ex-boss. They were naked and using sex toys on each other – a sight I’ll never get out of my mind…
Naturally I told him I never wanted to see him again, but he’s still here. His argument is that he helped me when I was on my knees, which is true, but am I obliged to carry on being grateful to him forever? Why cheat on me when he claims we’re destined to be together?
JANE SAYS: Your fella is riding his luck and needs to understand that you are perfectly serious about wanting your home back. You suggest that he was once your knight in shining armour. Admittedly he was kind to you during a tough time, but nothing lasts forever.
You caught him having sex with his ex-boss in your own bedroom. Doesn’t he understand how serious this situation is? He must hear that this isn’t the life you want for yourself. When you met, you were just out of an unhappy relationship. You were vulnerable but you’re not that person anymore.
The guy isn’t silly. He knows that he’s onto a good thing by living with you. But if you’re not enjoying the relationship and feel used and insulted then warn him that you will turn to a lawyer – or even the police – to get your self-respect and your life back.
He says I’m unlucky
My partner and I are in a bad place right now. We’re both struggling with alcohol and several health problems. I’m quite an open person and realise that I need help, but my partner will not accept that anything is wrong. Any time I find him slumped in bed or being ill in the bathroom he barks: “I’m fine”.
I love him and hate to see him suffer. We row all the time yet, apparently, everything is my fault for being uncaring, selfish and a bad omen. He claims I’m an unlucky person who has bought nothing but bad karma into his life. I find these comments particularly unkind, as I’ve never done anything except try and help him.
My GP knows all about our problems and says that I need to leave him for my own sake. But what if I walked away and he did something stupid? I could never forgive myself. Yet any time I threaten to leave he says: “Go. Good riddance.” What should I do for the best?
JANE SAYS: Please listen to your GP. If he or she is telling you to leave this toxic environment, then what more encouragement do you need? Of course, I get it that you feel sorry and responsible for your partner, but surely you must realise that this relationship has finally ground to a halt?
If your partner can’t be civil; if your whole life is a running battle; then surely you deserve better? As you say yourself; you already have your own health problems to contend with. Maybe you and he would be much happier and healthier apart? Set the machine in motion by looking at your options. Are family and friends willing to help you find somewhere new to live?
As for your partner, do give him the number for The Samaritans (116 123) if you’re genuinely concerned, but do remember that he is entitled to run his own life his own way too.
Not good enough
I know that my girlfriend’s family look down on me. They can’t understand why I’m still around. She insists that she loves me, but she’s so beautiful and talented and I’ve got nothing to give. She is a highly successful businesswoman. She earns a fortune and is going places.
Should I get out now before this lob-sided relationship inevitably turns sour?
JANE SAYS: I worry that if you continue to put yourself down, then your girl will start losing respect for you. Your fear of losing her will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Vow to live in the moment, enjoy what you have today and ignore what anyone else may be thinking.
Your girlfriend is a bright woman so, presumably, she knows who she wants in her private life. I suspect she loves coming home to a normal, decent partner. Start believing in yourself and your many unique qualities.
