‘Girlfriend begged me to show her about intercourse – however liar’s already had 20 lovers’
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She flattered and seduced me
I’ve been tricked by a manipulative, colourful girlfriend. When we first got together last March, my girl claimed she was rich and well connected with famous friends. She also, coyly, suggested that she was sexually inexperienced and was looking for a sensitive lover to “help her to become a real woman”. She flattered me and made me believe that I was the man to take her in hand and show her real love.
Now we’ve been together for over a year, and I realise that very little she initially told me about herself is true. Far from being sexually inexperienced, she’s had loads of boyfriends. Old lovers come out of the woodwork with alarming regularity. Recently we went away with three other couples to a rented cottage and all they did was make snide comments about me being the latest in a long line of suckers… She and I had a massive row during, which she finally admitted to having ‘about twenty’ ex-boyfriends but I suspect there are many more.
For the entirety of our relationship I’ve paid for everything, every holiday, meal and drink. We’re due to go to Marbella in July and she’s just announced that she doesn’t have her half of the funds because she’s in debt.
So much for her being in rich, it’s all been a lie. I’m now paying for the whole trip myself.
I do love her but find it hard to get past her outrageous fabrications. In many ways I feel sorry for her, because I suspect, she exaggerates to make herself look more attractive and appealing. But one thing I can’t stand are liars and I seem to have saddled myself with the world’s biggest fibber. How do I handle her?
JANE SAYS: Over the course of the past year your girlfriend’s lies have continued to unravel. At first, she dazzled you with boasts and flattery. But now it’s over twelve months on and the cat has sprung out of the bag. The truth is that she isn’t rich, well connected or in need of sexual coaching – she’s simply a normal, flawed human being like all the rest of us. You are no longer blinded by your girlfriend’s lies and exaggerations.
You know that she doesn’t have money, fancy belongings or famous friends. She showed her true colours when she was expected to cough up for the Spanish trip and now, she must hear, that the game playing ends here. If you insist that you love this girl and are inclined to give her a second chance, then sit her down and go through everything from beginning to end.
Is there anything else you should know? Any unmentioned children? Secret identities? Previous crimes? Hidden debts? Then, once you’re completely satisfied that what you see is what you get, you must tell her that you’re willing to go again on a trial basis. Then see how you get on. If she sticks to the deal, then maybe you will have a future together. Unfortunately, if her old habits return, then you’ll have to admit defeat and find the strength to walk away. I worry that lying comes too easily to this lady; that fibs trip off her tongue before her brain has even engaged. Always keep an open mind and make sure that she doesn’t drain your funds or drag you down with her.
Bucket list
My boyfriend has compiled a list of all the things he’d like to do in the next 10, 20 and 30 years. He’s mapped out the places he’d like to visit and all the people – from Taylor Swift to KSI – he’d like to meet.
The other day I caught him updating it. I asked him if I could take a look and he barked: “No”
Later I crept back to his desk, and he caught me in the act of peeking. He went ape, accusing me of having no respect for his privacy. What I did notice is that I’m not included in a single adventure and that makes me question our future.
JANE SAYS: Surely your man is entitled to his own thoughts and dreams. You need to apologise for being sneaky and make it clear that you do respect his privacy.
As for you not being included in the future plans, how do you know you’re not? Have you taken the time to discuss the future and what you’d both like to be doing in five, ten or twenty years’ time? I suggest you ask for a chat to clear the air. Sadly, if he does reveal that you simply don’t feature in his dreams, then you’ll have no choice but to take it on the chin and make plans to move on alone. But you need to speak properly first.
Lucky star
My girl is extremely driven. She’s hard working and ambitious, which is great.
But I’m currently doing better than her in terms of salary and promotions and she can’t stand that.
We both work for local authorities, but I’ve risen through the ranks much faster than she has.
She’s bitter and resentful and it’s really getting me down.
She accuses me of being ‘up’ myself, which I’m not. She publicly belittles me by claiming that I’m ‘lucky’.
I’ve heard of professional jealousy, but this goes way beyond that.
JANE SAYS: Professional situations can change in a heartbeat.
At the moment your girl is jealous of your success and feels intimidated by it. It’s disappointing that she strives to play down your efforts when you work so hard.
Is there a chance that she could become even more bitter and angry, the more familiar you become with each other? I urge you to tell her that you don’t appreciate this nonsense. Unless she can grow up and start accepting that you are equals – and that her day will come – then you may not have a future together. Personally, I think that she is too immature for you and could end up getting on your nerves.
Blood sucker
I have passionate sex with a colleague who I’m obsessed with. We hook up at leaving parties and in the pub after work. But he’s mean and moody and barely speaks to me during the working day. We never go on proper dates like a normal couple. I’ve asked him if he has a girlfriend, but he doesn’t answer. How do I push this relationship onto the next level?
JANE SAYS: Relationship? This sounds more like a bad habit than the basis for a love affair.
You need to be aware that a lot of companies don’t approve of work-based relationships – and I’m not sure that I approve of this opportunist individual either.
Pull your head out of the sand and find someone chatty and kind and single. This creep sounds like a leech.
