‘I bonked girlfriend in her dad’s mattress after which he chased me out of the home with a brush’
If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email [email protected]. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Dozens of lovers
I was a horrible person between the ages of 16 and 26. I was selfish, arrogant and wild. I fell in with a bad crowd and drank, smoked bad stuff and caused trouble. I had sex with dozens of girls and treated them like dirt.
One time I wanted money for a summer in Ibiza. My parents refused to play ball, so I broke into my Nan’s house and stole the savings she kept under my bed. My Dad knew it was me and hushed the whole thing up, but that was the kind of bloke I was. Ruthless. Things came to a head when a girlfriend’s dad caught me having sex with her in his bed. He went crazy and chased me out the house with a broom. I turned up at my parents’ house demanding they hide me. (I was a coward too).
My Mum shouted that I was a bitter disappointment; she accused me of throwing my life away. She said I should face up to my responsibilities. I kicked off like a thing possessed and smashed every piece of furniture and ornament in the front room. In the end my uncle had to physically throw me out.
No one in my family has ever spoken to me since. The thing is that my lovely current partner and child know nothing of my dodgy past. She thinks that my whole family relocated to Australia a decade ago. I’ve told so many lies that I frequently trip myself up. I recently had a health scare so I’m doubly keen to build bridges with my folks and unite everyone at last. But both of my parents are extremely stubborn. I don’t know if I could cope with another row, a slag-off or total rejection. What must I do?
JANE SAYS: For starters, I urge you to tell your partner the truth. Sit her down and explain that, like a lot of people, you have baggage. Admit that you were a teenage tearaway and an angry young man. Make it clear that you’re now deeply ashamed of the idiot you once were. Naturally, she’ll ask you to tell all – and you’ve got to do just that. Get everything off your chest so that there are no more skeletons in your cupboard. I suspect hearing that you have a colourful past will surprise her, but this stuff has to come out in the open if you’re to achieve peace of mind and a fresh start. As for contacting your parents again: it could be that time has mellowed them. Maybe they’re thinking about you too, especially as you have a child, a precious grandchild.
What about writing them a letter asking for a meet-up in a neutral location? You need to make it clear that you’re keen to apologise, admit your mistakes and make amends – even pay back whatever money you owe. If they hear that you’re now settled, then maybe they’ll believe that you’ve finally grown up. Don’t try and force anything, because this has to be conducted in good time and on their terms. Be prepared to be humble and play the long game because they’ve got to learn to trust again.
Out of touch
An old boyfriend has recently come back into my life. He’s divorced after living abroad, but he’s still as funny and hot as ever. I know he’s keen to resume our relationship and become intimate again. But I’m out of practise. I’ve only had two lovers since him and I don’t know all the modern tricks, toys and positions that are expected.
I’m embarrassed about my naked body and worry that I’m more rusty than an old bike…
What if I’m not good enough? What if he expects certain sex acts that I don’t know? I’m often shocked by some of the things I read about online. I’d hate to appear old-fashioned and out of touch. Help.
JANE SAYS: Start believing in yourself because there is no rush. Take things slowly and get to know each other all over again. Insist on romantic dates, long walks, intimate chats and huge amount of wooing. Make sure that you set the pace regarding sex and only make love when you feel perfectly relaxed and ready, because you will know when the time is right. As for those on-line stories – ignore them. You are an individual and there is no obligation to put on an act or follow the crowd.
You know your limits and what you’re comfortable with, so never allow anyone to coerce you into something that doesn’t feel right.
Raven mad
My parents have announced that they’re getting divorced. This is ridiculous. It’s like the Ravens leaving the Tower. It’s my Dad who is driving this. He wants more time to pursue his hobbies (golf, vinyl and books).
My Mum says that she is delighted to be free and intends to travel the world. What about Christmas?
How do I make them understand that they’re ripping our family apart?
JANE SAYS: What’s wrong with you hosting Christmas in future and inviting everyone to your home for a change? Ultimately, your parents are allowed to be free. No one really knows what goes on behind closed doors and they could have been unhappy for some time. Just because your mother will no longer be living under the same roof at your father, doesn’t mean that you must see any less of her or him. Embrace this new chapter, offer support and stop causing trouble, because we only get one shot at this life.
Your parents aren’t serving a life sentence. If the pair of them have discussed this and decided to go their own ways, then who are you to complain? Don’t forget that they’ve been together for many years; they’ve bought you up and given selflessly.
Maybe, baby
My fella and I are trying for a baby, but I don’t think he’s taking it seriously. I’ve asked him to give up drinking and smoking, but he keeps sneaking out with his mates. I’m made a chart and we’re supposed to make love at strategic times, only he often comes home too late or claims he’s not horny in the morning.
JANE SAYS: Could it be that you’re putting too much pressure on your man by taking the spontaneity out of sex? If you were less stressed, then maybe he’d feel under less pressure to perform? Talk to him again and promise to calm down. Is he as committed to parenthood as you are? Promise to make sex, sexy again, while he finally quits the fags and booze.
