‘I warned mate about my dishonest brother – now she’s sucked into orgies’
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Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
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If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email [email protected]. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Told you so
I told my friend not to date my flash brother.
I warned her that he’s sex obsessed, unreliable and selfish. I knew he’d break her heart.
I explained that he is always brilliant at the start of any new relationship; very attentive, loving and generous, but a nightmare once the honeymoon period is over.
She’s now been with him for six months and he’s behaving like a monster. He has turned. He’s become moody and tricky. He keeps demanding threesomes and orgies that she only agrees to, to keep the peace.
He stays out all night and won’t tell her where he’s been.
He flirts with other women in front of her and I’m in no doubt that he’s cheating.
I have her on the phone crying every day. Now he’s started being ‘off’ with me and I can’t stand this.
JANE SAYS: Tell your friend that you now find yourself split between two camps – her and your brother – and you refuse to divide your loyalties. Tell her that you’re sorry that things aren’t working out, but no one could ever accuse you of not being honest from the start.
The only way she’s going to get through this is by sitting your brother down and fronting him up. He must tell her what is going on. Is he already bored with the relationship? Is he seeing someone else? Where does she stand? Ultimately, if she doesn’t like the answers he gives, then she’ll have to decide whether she stays or goes – and that has absolutely nothing to do with you.
I’m suffocating
My protective boyfriend won’t let me out of his sight.
He claims the modern world is no place for anyone as special as me.
He’s started taking me to and from work. He rocks up when I go out with my friends. I can’t breathe and feel I have no life. A couple of my friends have told me that they don’t like him. Upsettingly, my cousin has said she doesn’t want him at her October wedding.
I never meant for any of this to happen.
JANE SAYS: Sadly, it suits your control freak of a boyfriend to keep you down. That way he can monitor your every move and keep tags on you. By faking concern, he’s curtailing your freedom and crushing your confidence. Please see him for what he is – a creep – and dump him before he does you any serious damage. The fact is that you’re not in a proper, grown-up relationship – you’re at the beginning of a life sentence. What on earth gives your boyfriend the right to keep you on a leash?
I’m sure he feels enormously important every time he turns up during a girls-night-out, but all he does is make himself look pathetic and insecure. Stand up for yourself before he robs you of the best years of your life. Your friends have clearly got his measure, especially your sassy cousin. She can see him for what he is. Remember that there is life beyond this toxic relationship.
Sort yourself out
My sister is a great person but the flat she and her girlfriend live in is a filthy tip. They only moved in a few months ago but there are already clothes, shoes and black bags piled up everywhere. The kitchen has to be seen to be believed. I wouldn’t eat anything in there if you paid me. I believe that the whole place is dirty and dangerous. These days when we meet up it’s either here or in a local café, but I know she’d like me to visit more often and, possibly, stay over. Must I tell her the truth?
JANE SAYS: Wanting to avoid hurting your sister’s feelings is one thing, but you have to put your health and safety first. Has she got herself into a pickle? Do she and her girlfriend find themselves stuck in a filthy pad because they don’t know where to start?
Are you close enough to her to offer to go round and help her clear the clutter? If you were to arrive armed with cleaning clothes and recycling bags, then would they welcome you or feel insulted? Test the water because I can’t imagine that she’s happy or feels settled living in chaos.
Dog days
I’m sick of my mate’s meanness. Whenever she comes to stay with me. I pull out all the stops and look after her. When I go to hers, she never has anything in, and I pay for shopping and take aways. How does that work? I’m just back from a week in her flat, where she got me to dog sit while she went on dates.
JANE SAYS: Tragically your ‘friend’ doesn’t care enough about you to make an effort. She’s happy to eat your food and accept your hospitality in your home but has no desire to make you welcome in hers. Don’t allow her to use and humiliate you like this. Give her a piece of your mind then leave it up to her to call you the next time. Surely you can find someone nicer to hang out with in future?
