Daily Star legend reveals scandalous aspect of veterans’ rugby in hilarious new guide

As every sports fan knows, it’s not just about the game. And in the world of veterans’ rugby, the highs, lows and boozy escapades of the players can be almost as entertaining as the matches themselves.

Just ask debut author Paul Mosley, a former Daily Star headline writer, who took inspiration from his time at Dorking RFC for his book of short stories. He tells Meg Jorsh about The Derelicts – The Heart and Art of Veterans’ Rugby…

“Gerbil spied the fiery red condiment, intended to perk up pizzas, and declared: “This cayenne pepper must be old. Dabbing his finger into the pot and sucking it, he boasted, “See! Look… I can hardly taste it and it’s not got much of a kick.”

“He then, for reasons neither clear nor advisable, unscrewed the top completely and swallowed the thick end of the jar.

“Minutes passed. Then alarm began to register in his red-rimmed, wandering eyes.

“The Italian waiter stifled a snort and shook his head, laughing. “Molto caldo, malto caldo,” he said gently, as if speaking to a child, meaning ‘very hot’ – when, in fact, he meant ‘e troppo caldo’ meaning ‘too hot’.

“In fact, far too hot for Gerbil, who realised with mounting dismay that his fate had been sealed. He would be cooked from within – from his oesophagus right through to his now quivering anus – for several days to come.”

It might be hard to imagine, but this story is from a new book about rugby. The glory of veterans’ rugby. “It was about this time,” says author Paul Mosley, “that I realised writing match reports about our vets’ rugby team was rather less entertaining than the rich antics of the players themselves.”

The inspiration for the tale came from a boozy end-of-season tour to Venice, when his team were staying on the virtually deserted Lido di Jesolo. They had just overrun a sleepy trattoria.

The manager was struggling to deal with the flood of orders for pizza and beer, when some of the players started to make their own entertainment. Including a man nicknamed Gerbil, who foolishly got distracted.

First, he complained the local Italian wine was too weak, then he fixated on the cayenne pepper pot. It’s just one of the funny stories in the highly entertaining The Derelicts – The Heart and Art of Veterans’ Rugby.

“It’s not so often you come across fictional tales written about rugby, let alone social rugby,” says Mosley, a now retired prop forward. “But the feedback from players young and old – and in fact further afield – has been heartening.

“I think a lot of people are more than ready for a few laughs. Rugby, certainly social rugby, lends itself to humour.” His hilarious collection is loosely built around the Dorking RFC veterans’ side he once played for in Surrey, during several seasons of sweaty and deluded endeavour. Players are typically aged over 35, but many carry on into their forties, fifties and even sixties.

It’s packed with plenty of laughs, alongside embellished memories of characters, tours and rugby-related humour. Readers enjoy Mosley’s relatable descriptions of teammates, like “half man half Guinness” and “a medical curiosity”.

He adds: “It should strike a chord with anyone who’s played or watched vets’ rugby, in all its valiant and comic glory. Or indeed anyone who’s participated in team sports.

“Nobody took themselves too seriously, but we always gave our all on the pitch and win or lose, we forged lifelong friendships, which is what the best sport is surely all about.”

Paul spent 35 years working behind the scenes at the Daily Star, before his retirement in early 2024. But you get the impression rugby union was always his first love.

He adds: “The best fun I had was when I was long past my best, as a player turning out for the vets, so The Derelicts is my love letter to the social side of the game. Hopefully it is a small insight into that enjoyment of a wonderful sport.”

And the stories themselves… are they true? Did a fully grown man really down that cayenne pepper and live to tell the tale?

“They are all based on what the team got up to, but I admit that one offers a particular, er, piquancy, does it not?” Mosley says. “And, yes, it is true.”

• The Derelicts – The Heart and Art of Veterans’ Rugby, published by Troubador, is available online in paperback for £10.99 from Waterstones and Amazon, with a Kindle edition at £4.99.