‘Girlfriend will not have intercourse after child – and he or she mentioned I ought to discover another person’
Life’s a whole new ball game when you pop out a sprog.
Taking the plunge into the world of nappies and sleepless nights ain’t for the faint-hearted, and it’s a given that your old life’s gotta take a back seat. For some new parents, it means less banter with mates or waving goodbye to hobbies because there’s just no time once a little one arrives on the scene.
But for one bloke, fatherhood’s thrown a spanner in the works in a way he didn’t see coming his missus has put a full stop on their bedroom antics. The chap became a dad three months back, and while he’s chomping at the bit to get frisky with his other half again, she’s not dropping any hints that she’s up for it.
Fair play to him, he’s said he doesn’t want to “go overboard” and lay his cards on the table with his girlfriend because he doesn’t want to pressure her. Still, that’s left him feeling all kinds of “sexually frustrated” and in a pickle about how to broach the topic with his partner.
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Spilling the beans on Mumsnet, he shared: “Long story short, the birth went smoothly, she healed well and the baby is three months now. The first time we tried sex slowly went well so I assumed we were back to normal, [but] since this attempt, she hasn’t tried to give me any hint and I don’t want to go overboard with hints as it will make her feel pressured. The baby is next to her and she stays dressed the entire night, which is a clear sign that no play will happen.
“I am sexually frustrated. I do work full time and I try to help as much as possible when I get home to allow her to wash and relax, but it’s not helping. I have talked about it a bit but it’s a subject that may affect someone [negatively] at this stage so I have been careful to just mention it in a playful way, but still nothing.”
Moreover, the bloke confessed his missus has always had a “low” libido and even once suggested he could get jiggy with someone else to satisfy his needs – a proposal he’s knocked back because he’s dead serious about monogamy.
He added: “My partner’s sex drive has always been low and she even suggested early on that I was free to bring someone into the relationship sexually just to fulfil the missing part. I always found it off because I just take monogamy seriously.”
Online armchair experts were quick to chime in, telling the new dad that three months is a drop in the ocean post-childbirth, and his other half will need more time before she’s ready for bedroom antics. They urged him to be “patient” with his lass, offer her the support she requires, and keep the lines of communication open about his feelings.
One commenter posted: “Three months is nothing post-birth. Stop being so impatient.”
Another advised: “You give it time and be understanding. You work as a team and raise this family you have made. You need to understand that your partner will feel different physically and mentally.”
Another user said: “I would try raising the question about how she’s feeling about intimacy right now in a non-confrontational way. Keeping the lines of communication open and being honest with each other about your feelings is key to any marriage, and you definitely want to strengthen your marriage now you have a baby. It’s okay for her not to be ready to resume sex. It’s okay for you to miss sex. Talk to each other.”
