Investment banker ‘had intercourse with a tree’, court docket hears

An investment banker allegedly ‘thrust’ his genitals into a tree in the shadow of London‘s famous Albert Memorial.

Westminster Magistrates Court heard that 30-year-old Paolo Bollag’s usual walk in the park last April was taken over by a fit of flora forniation, to the horror of innocent Kensington Gardens trees and shocked wildlife.

After denying a charge of outraging public indecency, he was bailed on the condition that he does not enter the park again before his trial.

Bollag had apparently been pleasuring himself before being overcome and ‘thrusting’ into an unspecified tree.

The court further heard that the investment manager, of Oakley Capital, rammed soil into his underwear and rubbed his crotch.

Investment manager, Poalo Bollag, allegedly ‘thrust’ his genitals into a tree in Kensington Gardens. The 30-year-old (seen) has denied a charge of outraging public indecency at Westminster Magistrates Court

In the shadow of the Albert Memorial, the park is home to over 3,000 trees across 242 acres

Bollag appeared in court only to confirm his name and age, but denied the charge of outraging public indecency.

The investment manager was arrested after the incident which was just a stone’s throw from his Queen’s Gate Place apartment.

Flats in that part of South Kensington can fetch upwards of £5million.

According to Bollag’s LinkedIn profile, his role as an investment manager involves ‘supporting entrepreneurs and management teams with a core focus on software, tech-enabled services and consumer internet’.

It also says that he is one of four co-founders of an angel investor network called ‘6NINE26’.

The Business Studies graduate is due to appear before Southwark Crown Court next month, having been placed on bail on the sole condition that he does not go back to the West London park, which is home to over 3,000 trees across 242 acres.