The movie star {couples} who’ve confessed to having a ‘sleep divorce’

It was once regarded as a clear sign that a marriage was on the rocks.

But in recent years the number of couples choosing to sleeping apart has increased, with many claiming it keeps their relationships going even longer.

Last week, Bette Midler revealed the key to her long-lasting marriage to to Martin Von Haselberg is down to their sleeping habits.

The actress, 78, tied the knot with the artist, 75, in 1984 and they will celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary in December.

When asked what the secret to their long union was, Bette told Entertainment Tonight: ‘Separate bedrooms. My husband snores.’

The Hocus Pocus star added that she and Martin have slept in separate bedrooms since the start of their relationship, but ‘it’s been a fabulous ride’.

The idea of separate bedrooms and sometimes even separate homes has become a hot topic in recent years, with more people confessing to choosing to prioritise their sleep over cuddling their partner.

The phenomenon has been called a ‘sleep divorce’ and has been credited with making romances stronger, by allowing better rest and helping couples cherish their time with each other more.

They then get to enjoy all the benefits of a relationship, before retiring to their own space and avoiding snoring, body heat or duvet stealing. 

Many members of the Royal Family have traditionally slept in separate rooms; with King Charles and Queen Camilla believed to retire to their own rooms late in the evening, as the late Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip once did.  

And plenty of celebrities also agree that nodding off alone is a good thing, with their added wealth and space meaning they can even opt for separate houses. 

Now MailOnline takes a look at all the other stars who have confessed to choosing a ‘sleep divorce’.

Gwyneth Paltrow and Brad Falchuk

Gwyneth Paltrow has praised the benefits of separate bedrooms, and talked openly about sleeping apart from husband Brad Falchuk to The Sunday Times in 2019.

The actress, 51, began dating the producer, 53, in 2014 and explained that they remained in their separate homes even after the they tied the knot in September 2018, on the advice of her intimacy coach.

Speaking to the publication, she explained that Brad slept at his house for three days of the week, on the days that his two children with ex-wife Suzanne Bukinik stayed over.

He then slept over at Gwyneth’s home for the other four nights, on recommendation of her intimacy teacher Michaela Boehm, for the ‘polarity’ to keep their romance fresh.

The movie star said: ‘Oh, all my married friends say that the way we live sounds ideal and we shouldn’t change a thing’.

In 2020, Gwyneth further praised the practice to Harpers Bazaar, saying: I think it certainly helps with preserving mystery and also preserving the idea that this person has their own life’.

The couple eventually moved in together a year later, with Gwyneth explained to InStyle: ‘We took a year to let everybody [in the family] take it in and let the dust settle’.

Gillian Anderson and Peter Morgan 

Gillian Anderson has spoken openly about the benefits of living apart from her partner Peter Morgan, who dated for four years before splitting in 2020 and then rekindling their romance last year.

In 2020, the Sex Education star, 55, even told The Sunday Times that cohabiting with The Crown creator, 61, would ‘be the end’ of their relationship.

She said: ‘My partner and I don’t live together. If we did, that would be the end of us. It works so well as it is – it feels so special when we do come together.’

Gillian explained that there is a ‘new creativity nowadays’ about what a relationship should look like.

She added that one huge advantage of living separately was that she is able to see ‘a pair of trousers left lying on the floor at my partner’s house and step over them and not feel it is my job to do something about it’.

She continued: ‘There is nothing locking us in, nothing that brings up that fear of, “Oh gosh, I can’t leave because what will happen to the house, how will we separate?” I start to miss the person I want to be with, which is a lovely feeling.’

Katherine Ryan and Bobby Kootstra

Katherine Ryan recently revealed that she and her husband Bobby Kootstra don’t share a bed, opting to do co-sleeping with their two children.

The comedian, 41, who married Bobby in 2019, explained that she sleeps with their daughter Fenna, 19 months, while he shares a different room with their son Fred, two.

The couple opened up about their sleeping arrangements on their show, Katherine Ryan: Parental Guidance in February, explaining it worked best for them and their kids, but admitted they did miss the intimacy of sharing a bed together.

Discussing the situation in one episode, Bobby explained that the four of them had tried sleeping in the same room previously.

But he told viewers that the children kept waking each other up, which led to him and Katherine being in separate rooms.

Katherine shared: ‘We’re both co-sleeping with someone. Bobby sleeps with Fred because I’m sleeping with Fenna. It’s really good for the children to have that.’

Bobby added: ‘Katherine and I co-sleep. I like to call it “man-to-man defence”. We did try to have everyone in the same room but the babies were kind of waking each other up, so we had to switch to separate rooms, which is a bit better but also I do kind of miss sleeping with my sexy wife.’

He later acknowledged: ‘It’s probably not been great for our intimacy. So we kind of are missing a couple of different important connections I think for any relationship really.’

In one clip, Katherine admitted to him: ‘I miss sleeping with you, I do.’

Bobby suggested that the sleeping arrangement would stay in place for two more years unless they have more children, before quipping: ‘Who knows what will happen. I may be dead.’

During an appearance on Lorraine this year, Katherine admitted that having kids had meant her marriage ‘had taken a backseat’, including with the separate bedrooms.

She said her children come first and she likes to spend as much time as possible with them, which includes co-sleeping.

Baz Luhrmann and Catherine Martin 

Baz Luhrmann and wife Catherine Martin have previously admitted to keeping their distance at home, for the sake of their marriage.

Speaking to the Daily Mail back in 2014, the film director, 61, said he and the costumer designer, 59, sleep separately because they found if they stayed together every night things got ‘fraught’.

He said: ‘We worked out a long time ago that we both need space. We are surrounded by our teams of staff all day every day, whether travelling, at work and at our homes.

‘I was finding I was saying things in passing that weren’t properly thought through, things would become fraught. We both needed time to ourselves.’

Baz revealed that the couple – who wed in 1997 – even sleep on separate floors, but added that they ensure they spend every Saturday night together in a hotel without fail.

He said: ‘We always do our Saturday night date. We dress up and go to a restaurant or maybe see a show, but mostly we just talk and catch up. It’s very much our escape, our quality time together.

‘It’s very romantic and keeps us grounded and connected. Then we head back to the hotel and the next day is important too as we relax, watch TV and don’t head home until after lunch.’

Cameron Diaz and Benji Madden

Cameron Diaz has been one of the most vocal supporters of the ‘sleep divorce’, hitting the headlines last year when she said she thinks society should ‘normalise’ couples sleeping in separate rooms, and even separate houses.

The Hollywood star, 51, has been happily married to musician Benji Madden, 45, since 2015, and they share daughter Raddix, four, and four-month-old son, Cardinal.

Appearing on Molly Sims’ Lipstick on the Rim podcast in December, Cameron insisted: ‘We should normalize separate bedrooms’.

Explaining her reasoning, the actress said that she would even choose to have separate homes, saying: ‘To me, I would literally, I have my house, you have yours. We have the family house in the middle. 

‘I will go and sleep in my room. You go sleep in your room. I’m fine. And we have the bedroom in the middle that we can convene in for our relations.’

However, Cameron clarified: ‘By the way, I don’t feel that way now because my husband is so wonderful. I said that before I got married.

Susannah Constantine and Sten Bertelsen

Last year, Susannah Constantine revealed she no longer shares a room with husband Sten Bertelsen, admitting that an ongoing war over snoring had led them to ‘throw in the towel’.

Writing in MailOnline, the stylist, 62, explained that the decision had actually helped to ‘fix’ her marriage, and protested against the ‘stigma’ attached to sleeping apart.

She wrote: ‘I wake him, he wakes me – and by morning we are both bleary-eyed, with murder on our minds.

‘Over the years, we’ve become horribly competitive about who has the least sleep and who snores the loudest and longest, with both of us lobbing accusations and denying guilt.

‘Our exhausted bickering ends only when one of us snaps, ‘Well, I was awake all night’, and effectively checkmates the other. In the end, alas, we’ve now thrown in the towel and retreated to separate rooms.’

Susannah insisted: ‘I know there’s a stigma attached to this, but please don’t get me wrong, I love my husband dearly.

‘My parents always slept in separate rooms and, as a teenager, I assumed it was because their marriage was on the rocks. But now I think it far more likely that my dad’s snoring was to blame.

‘When Sten and I first began our sleep divorce, I worried that our kids – aged 24, 22 and 20 – would also think it was the beginning of the end; but in truth, I told them, it was the snore storms that were putting a strain on the marriage. This was the fix, not the issue.’

Ferne McCann and Lorri Haines  

Earlier this year, Ferne McCann opened up on her relationship with her fiancé Lorri Haines, revealing the couple have slept in separate beds ever since welcoming their daughter.

The Only Way Is Essex star, 33, and the entrepreneur, also 33, who share daughter Finty, one, began dating in 2021 and got engaged seven months later in July 2022.

Ferne admitted that the pair’s relationship has changed since having their baby girl, who joins Ferne’s other daughter Sunday, six, from her previous relationship with Arthur Collins, an acid attack criminal.

Speaking to OK! magazine, she explained that they now sleep in separate bedrooms to cope with Finty’s infrequent sleeping routine.

And while the reality star admitted the arrangement means their sex life has taken a hit, she insisted that having their own beds was ‘honestly perfect’.

Ferne confessed: ‘I honestly love it. There are times where I can be quite needy and be like, “You don’t love me any more, I need you in the bed”. 

‘But I much prefer it and I don’t know when we’re going to go back to sleeping in the same bed! 

‘The last few nights we’ve been watching Beef on Netflix in bed and having really nice chats and he goes off into his bed. It’s honestly perfect.’

Discussing the impact on their chances of getting intimate, she admitted: ‘I’ll be completely honest with you, it’s not very often at the moment.

‘When we first met, we were having sex five times a week, twice a day sometimes. It is not that at all.’

She continued: ‘I think with the baby we’re focused on different things. We find the time when we need to. We both work from home during the days…’

Sam Faiers and Paul Knightley

Last year, Sam Faiers revealed she hasn’t shared a bed with long term partner Paul Knightley for six years.

The reality star, 33, and the property developer, 36, children Paul Jr., eight, Rosie, six, and Edward, two, together.

She first explained her decision to ban bedtime cuddles with her partner during an appearance on Lorraine in 2018.

At the time Sam confessed: ‘We are [sleeping separately], yeah. Anything for sleep, we’re like, right let’s do it. I co-sleep with Rosie and Paul sleeps with baby Paul. 

‘But we’re all getting sleep in our house. There was a story that I’ve kicked Paul out of bed for three years.

‘That’s not entirely true. But as long as it takes until the kids are both sleeping through the night, well Paul is, but Rosie, then we’ll be alright. Big Paul is…’

During an episode of their former show, The Mummy Diaries, in the same year, Sam asked Paul how long he thought it’d be until they share a bed again.

She said: ‘So how long do you think it’s going to be until we’re back in the same bed? I estimate about three years. I miss cuddling you in bed, it feels weird don’t you think?’

Paul then answered frankly: ‘Once Rosie goes through the night, you can get back in with us’.

But in February 2023, Sam admitted on the Parenting Hell podcast that she and Paul still sleep in separate rooms with different children.

She said: ‘Me and Paul haven’t shared a bed for six years. We’re still in separate rooms. I’m in the spare room with Edward, who I’ve recently got into the cot, but he’s still in the room with just me’.

She went on to tell hosts Josh Widdicombe and Rob Beckett that her older children sleep in the master bedroom with partner Paul and it’s a routine the family have ‘just never gotten out of’.

Sam explained: ‘Before [youngest child] Edward came along it was just like two and two – like one adult and one child. And we’ve never kind of gotten out of it.’

When asked how the couple had managed to have two more children without sleeping together, Sam cheekily admitted they still managed some nookie, saying: ‘You have to be inventive I guess. It kind of works, but it is getting a bit much now’.

But she admitted she has further reservations about once again sharing a bed with her partner, whom she began dating in 2014.   

‘I think about it and I’m not sure. Because obviously I love Paul – and I’m actually quite an affectionate person – but he’s a bit of a night owl. So I go to bed earlier and when he does come in it’s like football highlights’.

‘It’s a big, bright (screen), and I don’t like sleeping with the telly on, If it was me and him he’d put the telly on and then leave it on and fall asleep’. 

Suranne Jones and Laurence Akers

Suranne Jones revealed that she and her husband Laurence Akers prefer to sleep apart and said that despite the stigma, it improves their relationship.

The actress, 45, has been married to the screenwriter for 10 years and they share an eight-year-old son together, whose name has never been publicly shared.

The Doctor Foster star told MailOnline in 2020: ‘A separate bed – there’s stigma against that but if we are just tired and I need a good night’s sleep, and I want to get to bed at nine o’clock and I don’t want to put my ear plugs in or I don’t need to be disturbed by snores, then that’s OK, to say “I just need my space”.’

Suranne added: ‘Our weekends are just for us. We have to be together and anchored.’

Prue Leith and John Playfair

Prue Leith has revealed that she and her husband John Playfair have opted for their own version of separate bedroom, telling Loose Women in 2019 that despite living together most of the time, they actually also have their own separate houses. 

The Great British Bake Off star, 84, tied the knot with the fashion designer, 78, in 2016 after five years together, and has said that she’s never been happier since becoming a wife again, following her husband Rayne Kruger’s death in 2002.

The South African cook explained that she and John do sleep in the same bed each night, buy also own their own homes and spend time there each day.

Prue explained: ‘I have to say, this is a slight press exaggeration. We live together in my house, sleep together in my house each night, but the thing is, he still has his house where all his stuff is. 

‘When we wake up in the morning, he makes me a cup of tea – I get it in bed, he goes back to his house and cleans the shoes, including mine! 

‘He doesn’t have any gender rubbish, he doesn’t mind carrying my handbag, he is a confident guy.’

Explaining the reason for separate houses, she added: ‘We are both too old and have too much stuff, imagine, me having to move half my clobber out the house for his, he is the most untidy man I have ever met, I am neat and organised, it would be awful!’