Comedian wins ‘funniest joke’ award at Edinburgh Fringe for boat gag

On Aug 19, 2024

By Gavin Madeley For The Scottish Daily Mail

Published: 00:01, 19 August 2024 | Updated: 00:10, 19 August 2024

It may not float everyone’s boat, but a joke about circumnavigating the globe in a tiny ship has been named funniest at the Fringe.

Comedian Mark Simmons picked up the annual award for the first time with his gag: ‘I was going to sail around the globe in the world’s smallest ship but I bottled it.’

Organised by television channel U&Dave, the Funniest Joke Of The Fringe award celebrates ‘the art of joke writing’ and making people laugh.

Now in its fifteenth year, the award’s winning jokes often prompt more groans than belly laughs.

But Simmons’s effort was the runaway winner in a public vote on a shortlist of 15 one-liners selected by a judging panel of some of the UK’s leading British comedy critics and comedians.

Mark Simmons picked up the annual award for his joke about sailing.

The panellists attended hundreds of shows during the Fringe, listening out for jokes which make them laugh, then submitted their favourites in an anonymous shortlist to prevent any bias towards household names.

A public vote involving 2,000 people was then held, with Simmons – whose joke was taken from his PHB’s Free Fringe show at Liquid Room Annexe – winning the competition with 40 per cent of the vote.

His victory comes a decade after Simmons first performed at the Fringe as a solo act, when his friend convinced him to do an open mic night. Since then, his gags have placed 9th, 6th and 2nd in the Fringe’s joke award. This year, as well as winning the competition, Simmons had another joke feature in the shortlist.

Simmons said: ‘I’m really chuffed to win U&Dave’s Funniest Joke Of The Fringe. I needed some good news as I was just fired from my job marking exam papers, can’t understand it, I always gave 110 per cent.’

Mr Simmons said he was ‘chuffed’ to win the highly-coveted award.

U&Dave’s Top 15 Funniest Jokes of the Fringe Festival 2024

1. I was going to sail around the globe in the world’s smallest ship but I bottled it. – Mark Simmons

2. I’ve been taking salsa lessons for months, but I just don’t feel like I’m progressing. It’s just one step forward… two steps back. – Alec Snook

3. Ate horse at a restaurant once – wasn’t great. Starter was all right but the mane was dreadful. – Alex Kitson

4. I sailed through my driving test. That’s why I failed it. – Arthur Smith

5. I love the Olympics. My friend and I invented a new type of relay baton: well, he came up with the idea, I ran with it.- Mark Simmons

6. My dad used to say to me “Pints, gallons, litres” – which, I think, speaks volumes – Olaf Falafel

7. British etiquette is confusing. Why is it highbrow to look at boobs in an art gallery but lowbrow when I get them out in Spoons? – Chelsea Birkby

8. I wanted to know which came first the chicken or the egg so I bought a chicken and then I bought an egg and I think I’ve cracked it. – Masai Graham

9. My partner told me that she’d never seen the film Gaslight. I told her that she definitely had – Zoë Coombs Marr

10. The conspiracy theory about the moon being made of cheese was started by the hallouminati. – Olaf Falafel

11. I’m an extremely emotionally needy non-binary person: my pronouns are ‘there there’. – Sarah Keyworth

12. I’ve got a girlfriend who never stops whining. I wish I’d never bought her that vineyard – Roger Swift

13. Gay people are very bad at maths. We don’t naturally multiply. – Lou Wall

14. Keir Starmer looks like an AI-generated image of a substitute teacher – Sophie Duker

15. Growing up rich is a hereditary condition. It affects 1% of people – Olga Koch

He is debuting his show More Jokes at Liquid Rooms Annexe until Saturday [AUG 24], and he is currently also performing a 200-date UK tour.

Previous winners of the award include Lorna Rose-Treen, Masai Graham, Ken Cheng, Olaf Falafel, Tim Vine, Rob Auton, Stewart Francis, Zoe Lyons and Nick Helm.

Cherie Hall, U&Dave channel director, said this year’s shortlist ‘features a hilarious blend of jokes that are sure to keep us laughing until the next Joke Of The Fringe.

‘With the Joke Of The Fringe now in its 15th year, U&Dave is still committed to supporting great comedy and brilliant gags.’