How Harry has left behind emotions of disgust in some royal circles

The words could not be more poignant in the circumstances.

On the eve of his 40th birthday tomorrow, Prince Harry stressed the importance of family by emailing the US magazine People to tell them ‘The greatest gift I’ve ever been given is, without doubt, is my kids. I enjoy watching them grow every single day.’

In keeping with the sentiment, he is planning a small party at his $11 million Montecito home with Meghan and their two children, Prince Archie and Princess Lilibet, followed reportedly by an outing with a group of his closest friends.

Of the family he left behind in Britain, there will be no sign. No King Charles nor Camilla. And certainly no Prince William or Kate.

The playboy prince who was once renowned for drunkenly falling out of nightclubs with a succession of beautiful blondes on his arm has a new home on a new continent and an entirely new life.

He not only turned his back on everything he once knew, but pressed the nuclear button.

He blew his home, his friends and his duties as a royal – but, above all, his family. And the toxic fall-out simply won’t go away.

In the weeks running up to his milestone birthday, I have been speaking to those with inside knowledge of this intractable breakdown.

One of the major problems, they tell me, is that Harry has never been one for saying sorry, or even admitting he was wrong. ‘Maybe he’ll feel some sorrow at the way things have turned out, but he’ll never admit that any of it was his fault,’ says one insider who has known him since childhood.

Turning 40 may prompt him to reflect on his life but, astonishingly, they believe Harry remains hurt and angry that no one is begging him to come back into the royal fold – and this is yet another impasse to any rapprochement in the near future.

For their part, some in Royal circles admit that the Palace machinery didn’t handle the whole ‘Sussex situation’ terribly well – at the same time, strongly emphasising that it’s actually rather hard to help a couple who make everything so ‘exhaustingly difficult’, seeing conspiracy at every turn.

Indeed, the situation got so bad that many believe leaving Britain was the right thing for the prince to do.

‘He wasn’t happy, he couldn’t hide that and he needed to make a break. It was a horrible, toxic atmosphere,’ says one insider who lived through the crisis.

However, it was the way Harry went about cutting ties, his laser-focused determination to wreak an almost Biblical vengeance on his family, the determination to spill his guts at any cost, that has truly ruptured bonds with those – both family and friends – who once loved and doted on him.

I was told of one former confidant, who for many years couldn’t have been closer to Harry, who was so disgusted by his behaviour – and, in particular, by some of the things he apparently said privately about his family – that they vowed never to talk to him again. And they haven’t.

So is there any chance of Harry ever being welcomed back? Can shattered relations be restored?

Where William is concerned, one well-placed source told me that even after the infamous Oprah interview in March 2021, they could envisage a time when the brothers would find a way to make up eventually.

They don’t think that now, following the continued barrage of attacks in the Sussex’s Netflix documentary, the interviews and podcasts and his vitriolic 2023 memoir Spare, which they say was the final nail in the coffin.

‘The relationship [between the brothers] is non-existent,’ another admits. ‘William feels betrayed and has other priorities.’

Even Harry’s most loyal supporters agree the brothers’ relationship is a ‘complicated beast’:

‘I’d still like to think they might talk, one day. But there’s a long road ahead and we certainly aren’t any closer to that today.’

They do believe recent claims, however, that Harry would like to find a way to reconcile with his father, particularly given the King’s cancer battle, which ‘weighs on his mind’. This is why, they feel, Harry chose not to update the recently published paperback verson of his hit-job memoir, a climbdown which came as a huge (and not unwelcome) surprise to Buckingham Palace.

In return, royal officials are notably shying away from even discussing the Sussexes in the hope it will give father and son space to see if they can save anything from their relationship

The Royal household and the family remain nervous, of course, and wary, it’s fair to say.

Trust is so low that Harry was the last family member to be given the news of his father’s cancer diagnosis in February, and then only just as it was about to break globally. (He was not even informed in advance of his sister-in-law’s health crisis weeks later).

The King was also left disappointed last November after his son called to wish him happy 75th birthday. Just hours later, details of their conversation, including the fact that his grandchildren Archie and Lilibet, had sent a video message to him singing happy birthday, was leaked by Team Sussex to journalists.

‘A deeply private call between the King and his grandchildren and it ends up in a newspaper the next day. Really?’ another source said, emphasising just how much this was considered to have crossed a line.

Another major point of provocation has been Harry’s ongoing court battle against the Home Office over the withdrawal of his round-the-clock taxpayer-funded police protection when in the UK, after he quit royal duties and moved to North America.

In July, People magazine was briefed in great detail about the case, claiming it had driven an ‘impenetrable wall’ between himself and his father. That part at least is largely true. But the magazine also printed claims that Harry is convinced the King has the power to overturn the decision by RAVEC (the Executive Committee for the Protection of Royalty and Public Figures) to strip him of protection.

And very revealingly, it quoted sources as saying that if the matter of security was resolved then it would be ‘swords down’ and the prince could happily ‘rekindle’ his relationship with his father. For now, the sources added, the prince’s calls and letters to his father go unanswered. There is ‘complete silence’ between the two.

The idea the king can resolve the protection issue is plain wrong, according to those who know. He has no sway over what the committee decides.

To seemingly suggest the monarch could only get to see his grandchildren again if he intervened in the matter comes across as particularly silly and naive.

It’s genuinely feared that Harry is so blinkered over the issue that he could even try to lobby his father if they were ever to speak privately.

For the King, who is already facing considerable embarrassment at his own son suing his government, in his courts, that could be constitutionally damaging.

‘It’s really tricky to have any conversation [with Harry] in which the subject of security could be raised. It would put the King on the spot and if anything he said were to be leaked – not that he would say anything, mind you – it could heavily impact a live court case. There are serious constitutional issues here at stake outside of any family dramas,’ a source explains.

Harry is still given police protection in certain situations when he comes to the UK, as long as he gives 28 days notice, and his father has offered him accommodation when he does (contrary to what some have claimed).

The prince has chosen not to take up that offer up so far, and refuses to bring his family citing security concerns.

Perhaps, in truth, he also fears walking into the lion’s den?

Which brings us to the question that has most often been asked in recent weeks: does Harry really want to come back to the UK?

Not permanently, I am told. His life now is in Montecito with his wife and children. ‘He’s always full of the joys of the life he has in California and, yes, I do think he’s happy,’ says one who speaks to him fairly regularly.

But they also reveal he is looking at ways to facilitate coming back more regularly and easily.

‘He has various touch points in the UK, a handful of charities such as WellChild, and the Invictus Games which will come to Birmingham in a few years time.

‘There will be more reasons and requirements [for him] to visit and the easier that can be done, the better. It’s not a satisfactory situation at the moment, for all sorts of reasons. ‘

Will that include visits to see family? ‘That’s more tricky, but potentially,’ another insider says. ‘The UK is his home, it’s where he grew up, it’s where his family and friends and a lot of his interests are.

‘The sense I get is that there is a desire for some kind rapprochement. Clearly that will take time and patience. Let’s just say there’s a hope there will be more positive conversations in the future.’

For that, however, there would need to be a sea-change in family relations – and the ball is very much in Harry’s court.

In the meantime, the birthday boy will enjoy planning his private celebrations without those who should be his nearest and dearest. Then it’s a trip to New York to publicise his philanthropic endeavours, as well as another ‘quasi-royal’ tour abroad.

Remarkably, sources say he and Meghan consider their last two trips, to Nigeria and Colombia, a resounding success and are keen to visit Africa in the same vein next.

A decade ago, when he celebrated his last landmark birthday, Harry was a prince emerging, bleary-eyed and bruised from the drunken, drug-fuelled chaos of his 20s.

While he still hadn’t found personal happiness, having just split up with his second long-term girlfriend Cressida Bonas, he was being publicly lauded for his work championing the undervalued and marginalised, and was largely considered a popular and thoroughly modern prince.

His biographer, Penny Junor, even described him as ‘brilliant, charismatic, funny, sweet and lovely’. But also as ‘dangerous’ and ‘capable of behaving like an idiot’. Prophetic indeed.