QUENTIN LETTS: How the late Queen heard scorching gossip from a flunkey about Boris’s brush with demise

Vested interests were doing their thing – vesting away – in a Lords debate about the politicisation of Whitehall.

Up popped the late Queen’s top flunkey to disclose that Her Majesty was lucky not to have been bumped off by Boris Johnson.

Lord Young of Old Windsor, who is indeed only 58, was on his way home from Buckingham Palace one night in April 2020, soon after Boris was hospitalised with Covid. Young’s mobile rang. It was No 10’s principal private secretary, ‘the excellent Martin Reynolds’, reporting that the PM’s bodyguards had overheard doctors discussing his illness. He was going to be moved to intensive care, possibly to a ventilator.

The principal private secretary thought The Queen’s private secretary might like to know this hot gossip. That is how HM learned of the mortal peril facing her head of government.

Monarch and PM had been scheduled to have a face-to-face audience just days earlier. Boris (not yet aware he was infected) had been all for it; ditto the Queen, citing ‘Blitz spirit’. Aides were more doubtful.

The in-person audience was only cancelled when Young and Reynolds each told their respective bosses that the other protagonist had developed second thoughts. But for that fib, noted Lord Young, drily, ‘history might have taken another, constitutionally taxing path’.

He produced the story to show that officials should serve the Crown before their ministerial bosses. Well, that was his line. It is not impossible he also relished telling a good yarn. The debate opened with Lord Butler, the mandarinate’s shop steward emeritus, pouring sand into Sir Keir Starmer’s turn-ups.

Former Cabinet Secretary Butler alleged that political appointees, led by Sir Keir’s bearded henchman Morgan McSweeney, have seized the levers of No 10. Lord Butler was unhappy that ultra-political

The late Queen’s top flunkey disclosed that Her Majesty was lucky not to have been bumped off by Boris Johnson

Monarch and Boris had been scheduled to have a face-to-face audience just days earlier. Boris (not yet aware he was infected) had been all for it; ditto the Queen, citing ‘Blitz spirit’. Aides were more doubtful

Sir Edward Young, Private Secretary to Queen Elizabeth II. Lord Young of Old Windsor, who is indeed only 58, was on his way home from Buckingham Palace one night in April 2020, soon after Boris was hospitalised with Covid. Young’s mobile rang

Jonathan Powell was now National Security Adviser.

‘I make no criticism of him,’ insisted his lordship in the classic, airy manner. This was, please, merely about principles of objectivity. The words ‘Labour is up to its filthy politicisation tricks again’ went entirely unuttered. Lord Butler feared Sir Keir was taking us towards a Trumpian world in which spotless officialdom was barged aside by partisanship.

Lord Mandelson (Lab), his usual cocktail of oil and acid, argued that things were worse under the Tories.

But Lord Butler’s remarks met with nodding from his fellow crossbencher Lady Shafik. Recently, she was mentioned as a contender to be Sir Keir’s next Cabinet Secretary, but she has faded in the betting. Maybe she took one look at itchy-pitchy Brother McSweeney and decided the job was not for her.

A Blairite, Lady Morgan of Huyton, shouted her way through a speech. Its thesis – that Whitehall impartiality had nothing to fear from Labour – was hardly bolstered by her numerous anti-Tory barbs. Voice like a toothpick, Lady Morgan.

Lord Turnbull, another ex-Cabinet Secretary, disliked the chief-of-staff role currently adorned by Mr McSweeney. ‘Like chewing gum and Hallowe’en, an unwelcome import from the United States,’ murmured Lord Turnbull. Lord Wilson, yet another ex-Cabinet Secretary, sank his considerable teeth into Sir Keir by saying: ‘I think No 10 is going awry.’

Lord Bichard, a former permanent secretary, conceded that Whitehall was often pretty hopeless and ‘struggled with the concept of openness’. Peachy understatement. Lady Fox (Non-Aff) tilted against Whitehall wokery. Rainbow lanyards and preferred pronouns were highly political, she argued. Lord Moore

Lord Mandelson (Lab), his usual cocktail of oil and acid, argued that things were worse under the Tories

(Non-Aff) likewise noted that mandarins did nothing to stop their underlings supporting the sharply Left-wing Black Lives Matter movement.

Lord Liddle (Lab), Europhile, wished we were more European. Lord Maude (Con) quoted himself. Crossbencher Lady Prashar (aka Lady Crasher) bored for Britain.

And former judge Lord Thomas of Cwmgiedd (Crossbencher) spoke about judges, but it was hard to concentrate on his words because he kept whipping his glasses on and off. Must have done it 20 times in a couple of minutes. I was terrified he’d jab out his eyes. Such indecision. In restaurants his wife must be driven mad waiting for him to choose a starter.