The 3 key indicators your companion is a narcissist… and the simple solution to cope with it

A psychologist has revealed three telltale signs that your partner is a narcissist.

Amy Brunell, professor of psychology at The Ohio State University, said that all narcissists have the same core characteristics: entitlement, self-centeredness and a lack of empathy for others.

Because these individuals tend to lead with their charming, likable personality early in a relationship, it can be difficult to spot those negative traits at first. 

‘People are surprised when I say this, but when I meet someone who is very charming and outgoing, I am on alert,’ Brunell said.

‘There are people who are charming and likable who are not narcissists, for sure. But from my experience, I think it is wise to be aware and protect yourself.’

But Brunell has an easier method – identifying narcissistic people early on and get them out of your life.

The initial red flag is love bombing, which often takes the form of excessive flattery, gift-buying and overwhelming attention at the beginning of a relationship.

It may feel like an innocent expression of your partner’s love and admiration for you, but it is actually a manipulation tactic, said Brunell.

‘It’s great until it isn’t, and often then it seems too far into a relationship to break it off. That’s why it is best to look for these signs early,’ she added.

Other common signs of narcissism include a constant need for attention and admiration, taking advantage of others and expecting special favors without reciprocation, according to Brunell.

Brunell discussed the latest research on narcissists and how to deal with them in an article published in the journal Cambridge Elements.

The new research could prove especially useful for those who are already in long-term relationships with narcissists.

One recent study found that even narcissists can become more empathetic when directly asked to consider someone else’s perspective in a situation. 

Another found that when narcissists recalled a time when they showed concern, love or acceptance for another person, their narcissism declined over time. 

‘These lines of research and others like them show promise and suggest that narcissists don’t lack the ability to change their ways for the better,’ Brunell said.

‘But it remains unknown how long such positive effects last or how it works outside the laboratory. 

‘These offer some hope, but we just don’t know yet whether these tactics will work in the real world.’

While leaving a narcissistic long-term partner comes with many challenges, those who are still early in the relationship may have a chance to get out.

‘If you’re in a new relationship and you’re getting the vibe that this person is narcissistic, the best thing you can do is get out,’ Brunell said. 

But even then, ‘It is hard to do when they flatter you and pay so much attention to you.’ 

These general principles apply to all narcissists. 

But there are different types of narcissism to watch out for. 

Brunell explained three major forms that the latest research has identified. 

The first ‘Agentic Grandiose Narcissism.’ This type is characterized by grandiosity, high self-esteem, extraversion, arrogance and dominance.

They have ‘exalted’ perceptions of themselves, especially when it comes to their own competence and intelligence. As a result, they feel they are superior to others, even if that is not reflected by reality.

To maintain their feelings of superiority, these characteristics aim to make others feel inferior by insulting or diminishing them. To these people, nothing matters more than personal status, not even intimacy with others.

The second type is Communal Grandiose Narcissism. These narcissists seek out admiration by being caring and helpful, which may sound counter-intuitive.

But although it may seem like communal narcissists are deeply concerned with others, their behavior is actually motivated by a selfish need to be admired. 

For example, one study found that when communal narcissists were given empowering feedback about their personality, they actually became less helpful in response.  

Third is Vulnerable Narcissism, which is characterized by low self-esteem and negative emotionality. These narcissists typically struggle with anxiety and depression.

They tend to be socially inhibited, defensive and vindictive, and find it difficult to trust others because they think everyone is out to get them.

Even so, these narcissists are hypersensitive to social approval because they struggle to regulate their self esteem, and thus rely heavily on others’ feedback.

Although researchers have gained a lot of new insight into the different forms of narcissism in recent years, Brunell said there is still much experts do not know, especially when it comes to actually dealing with these personalities. 

‘People encounter narcissists all the time. But we need more research on best practices for interacting with them day-to-day,’ she said.

‘There’s a lot of good practical advice, but we don’t know how well it works yet.’