‘She pleasures herself whereas sugar daddy coughs up costly items and treats’
JUST JANE: Today our agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is dealing with a new issue from a Daily Star reader who can’t respect the way her ruthless daughter conducts herself
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She uses sex as currency
My daughter has a sugar daddy whom she milks for cash like a prize cow. She mentions an outfit she fancies or a piece of jewellery she’s seen, and he coughs up.
Recently she decided she wanted a designer watch for her birthday, and she got him to splash out thousands on the time piece. Yes, it’s very nice, and worth a fortune but I’m not sure that I approve of how she operates.
She is 24 and he is much older (she won’t say how old). He is divorced with grown up children and besotted with my girl. It’s the most peculiar relationship I’ve ever encountered. Basically, she rings him whenever she wants something. In return he wines and dines her, and she gives him passion and physical attention depending on how generous she’s feeling. She’s very open about sex and uses it as currency. She admits that she occasionally has full sex with him, when he’s been particularly generous, but most of the time she pleasures him or pleasures herself with him watching. All very modern I’m sure…
She makes no secret of the fact that she has no affection for him as a person, only for his spending power. I’m disappointed.
I didn’t bring her up to behave like this. I’ve met him a couple of times and feel sorry for the man. He once admitted that his adult children loath my daughter and how she operates and now shun him because of his infatuation with her. That makes me feel terrible.
He seems like a decent person who adores her while she’s acting like an entitled monster. Where did I go wrong?
JANE SAYS: Your daughter is clearly an ambitious young woman. She’s decided that the best way to get the stuff she fancies is to tap up her adoring, older admirer. I’m sure she considers herself very clever and resourceful, but I’m not surprised that her behaviour leaves a bad taste in the mouth… The fact is that her actions have consequences. As a result of her sugar daddy indulging her, his disgusted adult children have turned their backs on him. I can only suspect that he feels very cold and lonely during the times when she isn’t interested in seeing him. Speak to your daughter and ask her to dig deep. Does she really think that her current behaviour is responsible or fair? Maybe she doesn’t have much time for the man, but he doesn’t deserve to be rinsed or used. Remind her that there’s more to life than money and she must be able to look at herself in the mirror each morning. We’re always being encouraged to be kinder.
All you can do is open your heart, say your piece and then step back. After that it’s up to her. It’s her life and she needs to proceed as she feels fit. The worry is that she might regret this extraordinary period further down the line, especially if she meets someone special and settles down. Might this episode become her dirty little secret? Something that burdens her? Ask her to consider that.
Bah humbug
My partner doesn’t want any fuss this Christmas. She isn’t putting up a tree or buying festive food – we’re having frozen lasagna. I’m not to buy any presents or sneak in chocolates.
She storms that this will be our last Christmas in this house because she’s determined to downsize in the New Year. She craves a simpler life. I agree that this is something we will need to do in the future, but I don’t feel ready yet. Our 21-year-old son only moved into a flat share with mates in October. He isn’t enjoying it and I wouldn’t be surprised if he came back soon. How do I get her to agree that her long-term plan is a good one, but this is all five years too soon?
JANE SAYS: There’s nothing wrong with cutting down on Christmas expenditure and clearing the decks in the New Year, but your wife can’t steam ahead without your support and cooperation. You’re a team and in this relationship together. Tell her that you’re happy to start a massive sort out in January but your feelings need to be considered too. Is she worried about money? Are there debts that you don’t know about?
Lots of people downsize once their children grow up and spread their wings but there’s no value in rushing.
As for Christmas – is she prepared to compromise? Surely, you’re allowed some good cheer.
I can’t stop torturing myself
My friend died in 2024. She was very ill for a long time, and many considered her death a relief.
This Christmas is going to be very hard because I still can’t get over her death. I know it’s stupid, but I can’t move on. I keep having irrational thoughts; What if I’d done more to help her. What if I’d been nicer to her when we were younger. I want to put everything behind me, but I can’t and my partner is losing patience.
Even members of her own family have told me I’m torturing myself for no good reason because she never stood a chance.
JANE SAYS: Your friend meant a huge amount to you, and you can’t simply switch off when grief is a natural process. There is no given time scale. Explain to your partner that you intend to get help. Check out Cruse Bereavement (www.cruse.org.uk) for advice and support. I think you’ll find the section on “Understanding grief’ helpful. Ultimately, you must stop blaming yourself for a tragic loss. Nothing that happened was your fault. You owe it to your friend to embrace your life and live it to the full; hers was tragically cut short, but yours is a gift.
Good times
It disappoints me that my friends are only interested in the good times. I’ve just been through a bad patch. I reached out to mates for cash and support, but they shunned me. Now I’m back on my feet and the invitations are rolling in again. How can they stand to be so shallow?
JANE SAYS: Perhaps your friends are busy and have issues of their own? Do you now drop them and find more sympathetic people to hang out with? Or do you accept them as they are and rely on family members and charities like Mind (0300 123 3393) and The Samaritans (116 123) to talk to with any future issues? Remember that you are never alone. Pick up the phone and talk to someone reliable if you’re ever anxious again.
