Feeling a deep sense of love and affection is a key part of any healthy long-term relationship.
But one expert insists that, contrary to popular opinion, it is not the most important thing.
Speaking in a new TikTok video, Jeff Guenther, a therapist from Portland, Oregon, explains there are seven other key factors that are more essential to the fabric of a healthy relationship, including feeling like your dreams are supported and being able to set healthy boundaries.
Feeling a deep sense of love and affection is a key part of any healthy long-term relationship. But a therapists insists it is not the most important thing (stock image)
‘I love that you like your babe and I bet they like you to but mutual like, or love, will only get you so far,’ he said.
The expert, who has built up a 2million-strong following with his bitesize relationship and mental health tips, shared four questions everyone should ask themselves:
- How do they treat you? Are they nice, kind, sweet and caring, or are they bullies who are mean make fun of you?
- Do you feel safe and secure enough to be your authentic self, or are you only sharing certain parts of yourself and hiding others? Why are you doing that?
- Are your hopes and dreams and future goals being supported? Because this is a major part of a healthy relationship
- Do you feel like your emotional needs are being met? Do you feel seen, understood and supported? Or are you holding things back because they don’t know how to show up for you
- Are you able to say ‘no’ and create boundaries without being made to feel guilty or selfish?
- Are you ever being coerced or being forced to doing something you’re not consenting to? Even in a relationship, enthusiastic consent is still required
- After an argument are you able to repair, reconnect and feel resolved, or are you left feeling emotionally battered and exhausted?
Speaking in a new TikTok video, Jeff Guenther, pictured, explains there are seven other key factors that are more essential to the fabric of a healthy relationship, including feeling like your dreams are supported and being able to set healthy boundaries
The tips proved a hit with viewers, many of whom said they wish they had known about these deeper questions before they wed.
One posted: ‘Fights with my ex made me feel hopeless, drained, and like I had to drop my needs to comfort someone else.’
Another commented: ‘This is the first relationship where I’ve been able to say “yes” to these questions…’
A third added: ‘I am horrified by the way this made me feel about my relationship.’
Jeff regularly shares checklists for viewers to test the health of their relationships.
The tips proved a hit with viewers, many of whom said they could be applied to friendships as well as romantic relationships
Posting last year, he shared the 12 questions all couples should be able to answer about each other six months into a relationship.
He said knowing about how your partner defines success and how their family have affected their growth are ‘important basics to build on’.
Other questions relate to what comforts your partner when they are sad and stressed and what ‘lights them up inside.’
The video was liked more than 1.3 million times on the social media platform.