Sexpert shares orgasm rule women need to ditch – and they don’t need man

A sexpert has revealed a big rule women need to bin when it comes to orgasming – and it may completely transform your sex life.

Renowned sexpert Nadia Bokody helps many women work on strengthening their sex lives.

She’s recently opened up about a common mistake women often make between the sheets, and has explained why we shouldn’t be afraid to talk about it.

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Many people may have heard of the “orgasm gap” – it’s essentially the name given to the pleasure disparity between heterosexual men and women.

And it’s vital that people talk about it when it comes to the importance of pleasure.

According to the most extensive study ever conducted into climax and sexuality, straight women are the people who reach the Big O the least during sex with straight men admitting to only getting off 65% of the time.

The study also exposed that women who don’t have sex with men are mostly unaffected by this “gap”, and lesbians manage to get there nearly just as much as straight men.

But it was the blokes who came up trumps and admitted they climaxed the most, with men having the ability to reach the Big O 95% when they get frisky between the sheets.

What may surprise you even more is that many people manage to get off around the same time from when they indulge in a little solo play.

This, Nadia suggests, means that a woman’s ability to climax in sex depends on the man she partners with.

In her column for news.com.au she wrote: “This is because a lot of these men have benefited from living in a culture that conditions women to treat sex as a performance rather than a mutual exchange, and consequently doesn’t require men to invest in their partners’ pleasure.

“This is reinforced through porn, which is largely catered to the male gaze and depicts women as receptacles for men’s erections, rather than active participants in a reciprocal act.”

She also said it’s not very often that you see vibrators used in porn to help women climax.

In contrast she said they are seen occasionally in solo and lesbian scenes, and are often used like “stand in” penises.

But, the thing is, a small percentage of women actually climax via penetration alone.

Some research shows that as many as two-thirds of women need sustained clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm.

This is something that’s not taught in sex ed and is also hardly shown in porn.

Nadia said vibrators are a “critical tool” for a lot of vulva-owners as continuous vibration will attract blood flow into the clitoris which will in turn increase the likelihood of climax occurring.

“But because women are taught to prioritise men’s egos around sex, the very thing that could close the orgasm gap is often left sitting in the bedside drawer, never mentioned,” she added.

“This belief – that women should only climax via a male partner – and therefore, if we’re unable to, are essentially defective – is rooted not in logic or medical science, but in a deeply patriarchal idea of sex focused on a fragile definition of masculinity.

“In truth, there’s nothing dysfunctional about requiring a vibrator to get off, nor is reaching for one a comment on a partner’s sexual abilities.”

She said due to the fact that the pleasure gap between men and women is so big – anything to aid it should be “celebrated, not shamed and shunned”.

The expert also said that no studies are able to really prove that regular vibrator use desensitises or numbs the genitalia in any way.

She said a woman doesn’t need to “train” herself out of climaxing with a vibrator to have pleasurable sex with a partner, and they shouldn’t be encouraged to do this either.

Nadia added: “If you’re having trouble reckoning with all of this, it’s worth remembering that men will come and go; but that handheld device you’ve been hiding in your bedside drawer?

“It’ll only ever make you come and come.”

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