A therapist has revealed five hacks that will help you create the perfect life and even revealed what to do if someone insults you.
Bernadette Purcell, a licensed mental health therapist from New Jersey, took to TikTok to reveal how to make ‘life go your way’ in just five simple steps.
The therapist is also the author of best selling novel ‘Divorced as F****’ and is known for posting videos giving her nearly 50,000 followers advice on how to handle anxiety, set boundaries and find strength in difficult times.
Her most recent video details the five tips to make your life better and has garnered over 1.5 million views.
She encouraged her followers to questions others, find joy in the little moments, regulate their emotions and find comfort.
Bernadette Purcell, a licensed mental health therapist from New Jersey, has revealed five hacks that will help ‘life go your way’ in a viral TikTok video
The therapist is also the author of best selling novel ‘Divorced as F****’ and is known for posting videos giving her nearly 50,000 followers advice
How to take the sting out of being insulted
Bernedette’s first tip detailed what to do if someone tries to bring you down
Her first tip detailed what to do if someone tries to bring you down.
‘If someone insults you, look at them and say ”are you okay”, she said at the beginning of her video.
Bernadette explained that it puts the person insulting you on the ‘defensive,’ while giving you the ‘upper hand.’
She added that by asking them if they are okay, you ‘take the reigns of the conversation,’
The therapist added that this method is effective because it allows you to deflect the conversation to their state of being instead of the insult.
This puts the person who insulted you on the defensive and allows you time to plan your next move, which she details should be shutting down the conversation or walking away.
She concludes her first tip by noting that someone who insults you ‘isn’t worth your time’ and by asking about their state of being you’re bringing a sense of grace, humor and confidence to the conversation.
An insult says less about you and more about the person who’s insulting you, so if you follow Bernadette’s advice, you’re sure to make the person think twice before insulting you or anyone else again.
How to fall in love with the process and not rewards
For her second tip, the therapist begins by explaining that ‘rewards kill enjoyment.’
‘Don’t do it for the rewards, do it for the love of the process,’ she adds.
For her second tip, the therapist begins by explaining that ‘rewards kill enjoyment’
This is known as the overjustification effect, which describes the phenomenon where we lose any prior motivation to complete a task or activity after being offered a reward such as a prize or money.
Although rewarding yourself can be motivating in the short-term, it actually hinders long-term motivations.
This is because rewards are most likely to kill interest where there is the most interest to be killed.
By being rewarded for activities that you naturally enjoy doing, you’re diminishing the motivation that allows you to do the task for the sake of pure enjoyment.
In one study, psychologists examined the relationship of the overjustification effect on children.
In the study they asked preschoolers to participate in coloring activities that they already interested in.
Some children were offered a reward for completing the activity while others weren’t.
After a few weeks, the children were given another opportunity to participate in the activity without a promise of reward.
The students who had previously been given a prize demonstrated a decreased intertest in those who had never been offered one.
This proved the overjustfication effect diminishes any internal drive to complete an activity and results in the task only being completed to earn a reward.
The reward makes the task seem like work rather than something you enjoying, which is why Bernadette recommends you enjoy the process without the reward in mind.
How to get anyone to like you
Her third tip to make your life ‘go your way,’ compared questions to likability
For her third tip to make your life ‘go your way,’ the therapist began by comparing questions to likability.
‘If you show genuine curiosity for a person, they will like you more,’ she notes.
Everyone wants to be liked and make a good impression, especially when meeting new people.
According to a Harvard study, asking questions and follow-up questions dramatically increases likability.
The study notes that showing genuine interest in someone and their life, will make them and others gravitate towards you.
This is mainly because people can’t help but loving talking about themselves.
Research has shown that nearly 40 per cent of everyday speech is spent telling others how we feel, think or detailing our day-to-day lives.
It also shows that talking about ourselves triggers the same pleasure sensation in the brain as money or food would.
Meaning that self-disclosure increases brain activity in the areas associated with reward and satisfaction from money, food and love.
So when you ask people questions, not only are you helping them talk about themselves and being seen as a great conversationalist, but you are making them feel better about themselves, which causes them to like you.
How to avoid your emotions spinning out of control
Her fourth hack in creating a better life, describes how to ‘regulate your emotions’
For the therapists fourth hack in creating a better life, she describes how to ‘regulate your emotions.’
‘Learn to regulate your emotions when you’re in a difficult situation, so when you feel those emotions rise take a deep breath and regulate them before reacting,’ she said.
Emotions are a normal part of everyday life, no matter how small a situation may seem, it can trigger heightened emotions and may cause you to overreact.
When you don’t regulate your emotions you often feel extreme highs and lows, which can begin to impact your life.
And since everyone has moments where their emotions take over and spin out of control, it’s essential to learn how to regulate them before they damage relationships or hurt others.
According to Healthline, some of the best ways to regulate your emotions include, examining the impact of your relationships, keeping a mood journal and meditating.
The website also notes that you should aim for regulations rather than repression and seek a therapist if your emotions continue to feel overwhelming.
How to convince your mind you are comfortable
The final tip the therapist shares is that you should ‘assume comfort in any situation’
The fifth and final tip the therapist shares is that you should ‘assume comfort in any situation.’
She adds: ‘If you mind assumes it, you body will be more likely to follow.’
Bernadette notes that the answer to assuming comfort is primarily ‘mimicry.’
‘The physical manifestations of nervousness are actually quite similar to excitement, so sweaty palms, increased heart rate, thinking about how it’s going to be, little bit of rumination, these are all very very similar.
‘So a trick that people use with public speaking is often to keep telling themselves all day how excited they are rather than how nervous they are because of how similar the emotions are.
‘So it’s the same thing when you go into a new situation, a job interview, anytime that you feel like you’re on the spot, assume that you’re emotions are because of excitement.’
She adds that by assuming you’re excited rather than nervous, you let your excitement for the situation bring a ‘sense of comfort.’
When you convince your mind and body to assume comfort, you’re immediately more powerful.
This is because you command your brain to feel like you’re already at an advantage.
Users were quick to flood her comments section with words of praise and thanked her for helping them with her life-changing tips
Users were quick to flood her comments section with words of praise and thanked her for helping them with her life-changing tips.
‘Wow…good stuff….thanks,’ wrote one user.
Another user added: ‘Thank you! So helpful to hear!’
‘Love this, thank you,’ said one user.
One user commented: ‘Very helpful, thank you.’
‘I like your advice. Thank you,’ said another user.