‘All I would like for Christmas is to get my nation again from shameless grifters’

“We only wanted to help,” says a girl who lied in regards to the truth she additionally needed a £60m revenue, a peerage, and no questions from journalists about any of it.

“This job is an immense privilege,” says a person of immense privilege, as he skips into a taxpayer-funded helicopter, a taxpayer-funded jet, and taxpayer-funded retirement.

“I was just trying to get my officials to explain things to me,” says a person who ignored what he was informed, determined Long Covid was “b******s”, and inspired his workers to behave like they had been on the Bullingdon Club 1982 Christmas occasion.

They deal with the reality like an impediment course, police investigations as an occupational hazard, the taxpayers and voters like fools. They’re not true Tories, or correct politicians, merely bottom-feeding swamp dwellers. Public life is besmirched with shameless, mendacity, thieving grifters, and it’s excessive time they had been scraped off the underside of Britain’s sneakers.

Whether it’s Baroness Michelle Mone, moaning about how unfair it’s that she has been discovered “protecting her family from the Press” with a hidden £60m revenue off the taxpayer, or Rishi Sunak intervening with the Ministry of Defence to make sure he nonetheless will get the usage of £40m Royal Air Force craft to gallivant across the nation, that is greater than mere unhealthy behaviour.

It is the kind of behaviour the place they do not care who is aware of, as a result of they do not suppose it is improper. Mone considers herself a public servant who provided very important private protecting gear throughout a disaster, and would not take into account {that a} 30% revenue margin is in any method extreme so far as the general public she was serving are involved. Never thoughts that the Department of Health is taking their agency to courtroom after deeming the PPE unusable. It’s like a waitress dumping a plateful of sizzling gravy in your lap, demanding a £10 tip, and being genuinely shocked whenever you refuse. Perhaps the recent beef fats by-product dripping down your legs is your personal foolish fault, Mr Customer, and did you suppose a millionaire’s assistance is given without spending a dime?

There are 8 MPs at the moment underneath investigation for bringing the House of Commons into disrepute, and one other two within the House of Lords. That’s 0.69% of the entire in Parliament, and never a lot the tip of the iceberg because the drip in an ocean of filth, self-service and pocket-lining that flows via Westminster.

What distinction does a requirements commissioner make to individuals who’ll nonetheless make thousands and thousands subsequent yr, who’ll nonetheless get a peerage off a mate, who’ll nonetheless be confirmed in non-executive directorships from folks as corrupt as them? It’s like placing Veruca Salt on the naughty step: it makes not a jot of distinction to the wheedling calls for for extra, extra, extra.

David Cameron presided over a authorities that cosied as much as China, bombed Libya again to the Stone Age, and demonised “swarms” of people that weren’t. He’s a peer and Foreign Secretary now, strutting the world stage like he has one thing so as to add. George Osborne led an financial coverage so unhealthy it has left us with bankrupt councils, crumbling colleges, no social care and a pothole in every public service. He’s boss of the British Museum and a multi-millionaire.

Nigel Farage cannot get sufficient votes to make him king of spiders, snakes and lethal bugs, however he nonetheless thinks a nation which turned off their TV units in droves ought to hearken to him. Rishi Sunak has extra money than than the precise King however desires you to pay for every thing, together with his lifelong safety prices. He’s been extra disastrous to his occasion fortunes and the nation as an entire than Boris Johnson, Theresa May, and Liz Truss put collectively, and he cannot perceive why you do not like him extra. And Truss! She simply will not go away. The human hemorrhoid in a hard-to-reach-place: thus far up her personal arse she might lick the again of her enamel.

And they’re in all places – working water, vitality and sewage corporations, presiding over failed native authorities, failed enterprises, failed bailouts. The worse they do the richer they get and if that is not topsy-turvy capitalism then you have not learn the proper tweets, as a result of tweets and TikToks are all we’ve got time for as a result of every thing else is ON ACTUAL FIRE. Australia’s on hearth. Essex is on hearth. Everywhere else is underwater, and there is a hosepipe ban. The UK Health and Security Agency says plague-carrying mosquitoes will probably be with us in a decade and somebody, someplace, will shortly offer to promote you local weather change insurance coverage that you will by no means have the ability to declare.

And it is the nice guys getting nicked. The hippies who need much less oil. The protesters who need Parliament to be extra Parliamenty. The ravenous, frozen, huddled, exploited plenty, craving to not be trafficked, whereas insincere millionaires schmooze out a workshopped PR spiel that fools no-one. What subsequent? A Home Secretary in a hi-vis vest, watching sternly as Santa Claus is arrested in a crackdown for not submitting a flight plan?

Deep breath. Are you okay? Thanks to the Fixed Term Parliaments Act, we have to maintain on solely a bit of longer.

This is not about Tory or Labour, nor wealthy and poor. It’s grow to be highly effective versus the powerless, the inadmissable towards the unnoticed. Somehow, we have landed up with a rustic the place Parliament could be corrupted, however solely 0.69% get investigated, the place governments can change the info by altering the legislation, and public service is about receiving, not giving.

They’ve received the morality, avarice, and pleasure-seeking greed of the common two-year-old, so if the police, courts and public opinion imply nothing to them, possibly this can work:

“Dear Santa, we’ve been very good this year, but those in charge of running the country are nothing but a bunch of hucksters who would squeeze the festive joy out of a Labrador puppy, charge you for the sherry and nick the mince pie. All we want for Christmas is a general election – not just to change the government, but to change the bloody record. Perhaps then they’ll know what the Naughty List means, and they’ll get a present they really deserve – removal of all their baubles, a bonfire for their excuses, their lies in the back of the Boxing Day bin lorry.

“And if you cannot try this, please might you at the very least inform Rudolph to dollop an enormous one over Michelle Mone’s yacht.”