EXCLUSIVE: Jermain Defoe shares how his life was marred by tragedy

Even now, a mere ping on his telephone is sufficient to fill Jermain Defoe with dread. ‘If somebody messages me saying, “Can you call me ASAP?”, I panic and my coronary heart drops,’ the previous England striker tells Mail Sport. ‘Because I do know what it feels wish to have these messages and then you definitely telephone a member of the family and it’s unhealthy information.

‘Hopefully in the future it adjustments and I’ll be much less paranoid. But I panic about issues since you need the folks you like to be round ceaselessly. When you’ve gotten misplaced folks, you do not need to undergo that once more.’

Defoe’s fears date again to the four-year interval on the peak of his taking part in profession when he was hit by one tragedy after one other. First, his beloved grandmother Mary, who helped increase him alongside his mom Sandra in Canning Town, handed away in 2008. The following 12 months, his half-brother Gavin died in a road assault. Then, in 2012, he misplaced his father Jimmy to throat most cancers, earlier than his cousin Hannah was electrocuted in a pool on vacation.

‘I could not perceive what was happening,’ Defoe confesses in a candid new movie about his life. ‘It was nearly like – is that this some kind of curse?’

The 41-year-old admits the dying of his father – which occurred whereas he was in Poland at Euro 2012 – hit him significantly laborious and left him feeling ‘numb’. In his self-titled documentary, Defoe opens up about their estranged relationship intimately for the primary time.

His dad, we study, was a West Ham fan who spent matchdays in The Queens in Upton Park. In one of many movie’s most shifting moments, the pub’s landlady remembers Jimmy telling punters how proud he was of his son – who he barely spoke to – as he broke into the Hammers first group.

‘I might need to pop in there and have a glass of orange juice and communicate to her,’ the teetotal Defoe says with a smile, sitting beneath a poster of his movie, which he later asks to maintain. ‘Seeing that bit was good. It was a pleasant feeling that he felt comfy talking to different folks and saying that.

‘I’ve not spoken about my dad an excessive amount of prior to now as a result of I did not actually have that kind of relationship with him on a deeper degree the place I spent a whole lot of time with him.

‘It was robust speaking about him, however the factor that has in all probability helped me is realizing that when he actually wanted me on the finish, I used to be there. Before the Euros, Roy Hodgson stated, ‘After coaching, go to the hospital and spend just a few hours with him’. I used to be doing that day by day.

‘After we flew to the Euros, I received a telephone name saying that he had handed away. I got here again for the funeral, then I flew again to the match. It ought to have been the most effective moments of my life, being at a match along with your nation, nevertheless it was actually laborious being there.’

The heartbreak didn’t finish there for Defoe. In February 2013, he thought he had turn out to be a father for the primary time when his ex-girlfriend, Annie-Marie Moore, gave delivery to a son, Joshua-James. However, simply as he had began to bond with the kid, a DNA check proved the newborn was not his.

‘You by no means suppose you will expertise stuff like this,’ says Defoe. ‘Nothing can put together you. I by no means thought folks would take benefit to that degree and I did not know tips on how to take care of that.’

Three years later, although, one other little boy would come into his life – Bradley Lowery, the six-year-old Sunderland fan who suffered from neuroblastoma.

Defoe’s movie follows their heartwarming friendship, from the day he met him as a Sunderland mascot in opposition to Chelsea in December 2016, to when he flew again from vacation to go to him at residence days simply earlier than he died in July 2017.

‘That relationship was actually particular,’ admits Defoe. ‘He gave me such a very good feeling. Maybe it was due to all of the stuff I’d been via earlier than that – with folks making an attempt to take benefit and that ache – then hastily, I met somebody and it was so real.

‘An individual who simply loves being round you and at all times appeared to have a smile once I walked within the room. When Brads handed away, it was actually robust.’

Defoe, then, was horrified by the behaviour of the sick Sheffield Wednesday fan who mocked Lowery’s dying throughout a Championship match in opposition to Sunderland in September. Dale Houghton, 32, was seen laughing as he taunted visiting supporters by holding up a picture of Lowery on his telephone. He was later given a 12-week suspended jail sentence.

‘It was laborious to see that,’ admits Defoe. ‘I could not truly imagine it. I assumed, ‘Am I truly seeing issues? What are these folks truly pondering? What sort of world are we residing in?’

‘To do one thing like that, the place it’s calculated, it’s laborious for me to grasp. Surely, they’ve relations with children so can perceive what Gemma and Carl (Lowery’s mother and father) needed to undergo with Bradley. Surely the human facet of you’d be like, “I can’t do that”. You have to have a conscience.’

Defoe sits ninth on the record of Premier League all-time high scorers with 162 targets. Not that he wants any reminding of that. The ex-West Ham, Tottenham and Sunderland star is an absolute anorak on the subject of goalscoring statistics, one thing he demonstrates throughout a set of quickfire questions, when he declares Andy Cole to be essentially the most underrated participant in Premier League historical past.

‘187 Premier League targets,’ states Defoe straight away. ‘No penalties. People do not put sufficient respect on his identify. He is somebody I regarded as much as. Even once I see him now, I nonetheless really feel like just a little child.’

Such childlike enthusiasm is why Defoe discovered it so laborious to retire from taking part in two years in the past. Now, although, he believes he has discovered the subsequent smartest thing by working as a coach with Tottenham’s Under 18s.

‘It is rarely going to be simple while you cease taking part in,’ he says. ‘But that is the closest factor you will get to it – being within the constructing, nonetheless placing my boots on and kicking balls. I’m having fun with being within the academy and studying from the skilled coaches round me.’

Defoe began his teaching journey with Spurs – the place he performed for 9 years over two spells – firstly of final season. He admits to seeing a noticeable shift within the temper on the membership since Ange Postecoglou arrived as boss at the start of this marketing campaign.

‘The impression in such a brief house of time has been superb,’ says Defoe. ‘Obviously, the outcomes are a very powerful factor, however what is agreeable greater than the rest is the performances and the way the group play. That freedom to go and specific yourselves and give the followers one thing to cheer about.

‘Ange is refreshing as a result of he’s so regular. You see with the way in which he speaks in press conferences, and nothing is sophisticated in the way in which he performs. Getting the very best out of your gamers is so essential – and I feel he has mastered that.’

Defoe has made no secret of his personal ambition to make it as a supervisor. But he has additionally been outspoken concerning the lack of alternatives for black bosses, one thing, he confesses, which nearly made him query a profession in teaching.

‘I keep in mind talking to Sol Campbell, Dwight Yorke and a whole lot of gamers who I regarded as much as, huge names which have achieved a lot within the recreation, and so they have had struggles getting jobs,’ he says.

‘Naturally, you do suppose, ‘Well, why would I be any totally different? What’s the purpose? I do not need to waste my time placing all of the laborious work in, finishing all my badges, then not even getting interviews’.

‘But then I take a look at somebody like Chris Hughton, who has had an incredible profession as a supervisor. I communicate to him rather a lot about it and he at all times says, ‘Keep going and hold doing what you have to do. You will get a chance’.

‘Everyone is aware of the numbers ain’t nice. But you need to be constructive and suppose these numbers will change. I do not need a chance as a result of it is ticking packing containers. I would like a chance as a result of I’m adequate, not as a result of I’m black. I’m simply doing no matter it takes so that after I get that probability, I’m prepared.’

Defoe reveals he has already had conversations with sure golf equipment. ‘Just touching base, protecting in contact,’ he says.

But what about his long-term ambitions? ‘It can be superb to handle Tottenham,’ he provides. ‘And the loopy factor about soccer is you by no means know. An alternative might be across the nook.’

DEFOE can be in UK cinemas for one night time solely on February 29. Tickets can be found at defoethefilm.co.uk