A woman felt like she “wasn’t worthy” of human connection until one moment changed her life.
Blogger Mik Zazon uses her platform to try and normalise bodies. She now has over 940,000 followers on Instagram, and people love the way she opens up about life.
She recently turned her attention to relationships and admitted it took her a while to realise she deserved love. Her mental health struggles led her to think she wasn’t built for a relationship when it was far from the case.
READ MORE: ‘I’ve been constantly single in my 30s – now I know the reason why’
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Mik said she really had to think about what she wanted when she started dating her current partner. She had various worries about commitment at the start and some of them were a result of her “trauma”.
It took an in-depth chat with her therapist to make her really think about how she was approaching relationships, and what she wanted from one. She admits she felt like she was “losing her mind” at one point, as she was worrying about so many things.
Now she realises she is more than worthy of love and connection.
(Image: mikzazon/Instagram)
Writing on Instagram, Mik said: “You are supposed to heal everything on your own before getting into a relationship, right? When Owen and I started dating, I was terrified. My CPTSD, history of EDs, and mental health struggles felt like burdens too heavy for anyone else to bear.
“My trauma conditioned me to believe I wasn’t worthy of the connection I longed for, and that my baggage was mine alone to carry. I couldn’t let anyone else in, fearing rejection or future pain.
“At first, it felt like all the progress I made in therapy was unraveling. Those delicate neuropathways I’d built were breaking apart, reverting to old patterns. People pleasing. Picking myself apart. Trying to hide reasons he would reject me or hurt me.
“I was losing my mind and I turned to my therapist. She offered a different perspective: let him decide if he wants to share the load. And despite my body telling me it wasn’t safe, I trusted my therapist.
“Because the issue with trauma is that while it can sense unsafe situations a mile away, it will also tell you that safe situations are dangerous too.
“I realised that telling yourself or others they have to heal in isolation before deserving deep connection is complete and utter bull****. For me it was another trauma response disguised as healing.
“Slowly but surely, I began letting him in. Working on myself and the new problems I faced as I stepped into this new relationship. Even now, telling him I’m having a bad day is scary.
“But spending your whole life making yourself smaller to be palatable enough for people to choose you is so much scarier. And heavier than what you are already carrying. Be yourself. Choose yourself. And let them choose you back.”
(Image: mikzazon/Instagram)
Since she shared the post, it gained over 17,000 likes and people were quick to comment too. Her followers thanked her for being so open, and also shared some of their own stories too.
One person replied: “The unfortunate thing about the ‘healing journey’ is that it never actually ends. But having a support system to help you through it is so important!”
Another added: “This. And if the other person makes you feel bad or shames you for what you share with them, they are not a safe person.”
A third said: “I appreciate you so much for sharing this. As always thank you for being vulnerable, authentic and sharing your journey.”
Meanwhile, a fourth commented: “I love your message as always but this one hit home. I’m 7 months into a beautiful relationship and I’m constantly hitting walls I thought I’d scaled over!
“But when you’re doing it with someone that holds out their hand to help you and lets you help them over their walls, it’s the most liberating way to do the work. I’ve realised that we truly do heal through our relationships (all types).
“Looks like you’ve found the safe grounded healing love that you deserve lovely lady, and it’s so nice to see.”
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