Man United actually may relocate to LONDON as they circle the drain

Theatre of Dreams? Theatre of Streams was more apt.

There have been many dark days since the greedy Glazers stole the keys to Old Trafford with their debt-burdening, how-on-earth-is-this-legal takeover in 2005.

But with water cascading down the steps, pouring into the players’ tunnel and drenching the victorious Arsenal dressing room, this was the darkest yet.

Manchester United, proud, iconic Manchester United are an utter shambles, both on and off the field. The joke with a seemingly never-ending punchline. Was this the nadir? Newcastle come to town on Wednesday and with showers expected (no jokes please) few would bet against another damaging evening.

Damage assessors were due on site this morning. Those who were present would have done well to point out that the body of evidence stretches 19 years beyond the events of yesterday. Others may joke that it would be an idea to take a look at the home dressing room for signs of cracks, let alone the visitors’.

On the leaks, club officials will point to biblical levels of rain and yes, even for Manchester, this was no ordinary storm. When the heavens parted 10 minutes before the meek home side finally surrendered to its nervous, title-chasing visitor, 41mm would then fall from thunderous skies over the following two hours. That was more than the 29mm which dropped on this famous, decaying landmark in the whole of last May.

But there can be no excuse. That there was little surprise, and that iPhones were at the ready to capture the grim, gushing detail, said it all.

With the Arsenal fans singing the now popular ditty ‘Old Trafford is falling down (ten Hag is a f*****g clown)’, videos to emphasise that very point flooded in. Some pointed out that, at 55 metres high, ‘Old Trafford Falls’ was England’s fourth tallest waterfall.

Potentially more damaging for a club that you would imagine, by now, possesses a thick skin, were the clips from in and around the players area.

It is hard not to wonder what the Premier League made of it all. This is the world’s elite competition. Within that room was hundreds of millions of pounds worth of talent. It is to be hoped the electricity was isolated.

Not that this is a new issue. Similar videos have prompted the creation of that song. Back in November, with Sir Jim Ratcliffe and INEOS’s 25 per cent stake still to be ratified, Mail Sport took a trip down Sir Matt Busby Way on a non-matchday. From the outside, decades of wanton neglect were visible. 

A small team of workers were tending to the roof of the Sir Bobby Charlton, source of so many leaks it may have felt like Whac-A-Mole. 

On the cantilevers white paint had exposed to expose metal and rust. The back of the stand which yesterday seated Ratcliffe and the visiting Sir Kier Starmer, looked like something out of a timewarp, when viewed from the road, with its graffiti, corrugated iron and barbed wire.

While others have grown, Old Trafford’s capacity is now smaller than it was when the Glazers arrived. Let that sink in. There have been no significant extensions in nigh on 20 years. Some have also wondered about the role of former execs Ed Woodward and Richard Arnold in all of this, and if the urgency of the situation was ever identified and made clear to the owners. Regardless, it would now appear to be someone else’s problem

Ratcliffe and IENOS paid more than £1bn for a quarter share and promised an extra £245m investment in infrastructure. This summer, as Mail Sport revealed, a significant refurbishment will be carried out at Carrington, the club’s training ground, with the ‘marginal gains’ fingerprints of sporting director Sir Dave Brailsford all over the plans. 

There are no fine margins around Old Trafford. Already, Ratcliffe and his team have recognised that a demolition job is needed. Such a project could cost north of £2bn. These are clearly savvy people. Lord Coe, driver of London 2012, has been brought in to a task force, no doubt with the aim of unlocking public funding. At a time of levelling-up you would imagine United would present a compelling case around a Wembley of the North and a huge revamp of the surrounding area that may well prove lucrative over the coming years.

That is why Starmer, the Prime Minister in waiting, was there to witness the deluge. While he is an Arsenal season ticket holder, the Labour leader will be well aware of the party’s support in the north-west.

But there is a major problem that originates in the south-east of the United States. Some feel that spending taxpayers’ money to build a new Old Trafford would be the biggest political scandal since Watergate.

Their argument is also powerful. Manchester United are still majority-owned by the Glazer family. This is the Glazer family who recently had more than £1bn out of the club. The Glazer family who have repeatedly drained dividends from a British institution. The Glazer family who have neglected one of this country’s great sporting cathedrals to the extent it is now a by-word for decay.

Why should the public purse go on righting their wrongs? Even worse, if Joel, Avram and co stick around, a 90-100,000-capacity stadium in the midst of a regenerated, vibrant area will only put more value on what remains their asset. For all the good it may do, such works may essentially make them richer, which is an incredibly bitter pill to swallow whether you are a red or blue in politics and in football.

Indeed, already fans of rival clubs have threatened to write to their local MPs should such a scenario come anywhere near close to getting off the ground.

That is not to say there would be zero government assistance. There are a series of less controversial areas in which Downing Street could help. The relaxing and expedition of planning is one. Partnerships on projects that could actually deliver a return for the taxpayer is another.

At least there are now people in the corridors of power at Old Trafford who are now tackling the problem. Ratcliffe and INEOS face two giant projects. They aim to take the club back to its rightful place both on and off the field.

Should they head down the route of building a new Old Trafford, the likelihood is that they would have to find somewhere else to play. While the surrounding area is vast, continuing to stage matches at the traditional home would pose a huge problem given access issues for both punters and builders.

If the issues are insurmountable where could they go? Do not hold your breath on the noisy neighbours across town racing to help. Why should they?

Mail Sport’s Ian Ladyman raised the prospect of a switch to Wembley on the It’s All Kicking Off podcast. It is a solution not without problems but it is a solution. Perhaps United could offer subsidised travel to those based in and around Manchester who would like to keep their season tickets. Those who did not wish to travel could have their season tickets held until the new home is ready. To think United would struggle to fill the national stadium is naïve given the levels of support across the south and beyond.

Such a move would no doubt be attractive to the Football Association given the significant boost in revenues it would attract – although it is understood that no such conversations have taken place so far. There is also the north London precedent, with both Arsenal and Tottenham having done likewise.

While the European Championship is planned for the UK and Ireland in 2028 and it would continue to host traditional events such as the play-off, FA Cup, Carabao Cup and rugby league Challenge Cup finals, officials would no doubt find a way to make it work.

From one shower to another. Whether Erik ten Hag remains in place to oversee a rebuild on the playing side is one of a series of questions that will need an answer in the near future. 

There is an element of the United hierarchy that would like to see the Dutchman given the opportunity to work under the proper structure which they are working on implementing. A view that the reason the likes of Louis Van Gaal and Jose Mourinho have failed is because this is not an environment in which anyone can succeed. There are also concerns over the availability of a suitable replacement, although Thomas Tuchel is on the list after his issues in Munich. A sound thumping under the arch by City, which would not come as a shock, may force their hands.

Whoever is handed the task will need time, patience and money. United’s matchgoing fanbase cannot be accused of turning on its managers. The first two should be forthcoming. Whether they will get the third will rest on the club’s ability to get players out of the door. 

While injuries have taken a heavy toll (another area INEOS are seeking to address) a series of catastrophic transfer windows played their part in ensuring United’s starting XI to face Arsenal was one of the weakest in living memory. This has been an abomination of a season. How many of those who pulled on the red shirt yesterday are who fans would deem fit to do so? Aside from Kobbie Mainoo, not many. There is a clip of Antony’s reaction when he was asked to switch to left-back doing the rounds on social media. He puts his hand to his lips and mouths something before, apparently reluctantly, dropping back.

This is an unbalanced team and it is hard to see who will get anywhere near the salaries many are stealing at Old Trafford. Manchester United are a dog’s dinner. A lesson in how not to recruit. It may well take five years to learn from those lessons and correct those mistakes, by which time Ratcliffe will be 76.

When United walk out to face Newcastle on Wednesday night they will do so to the strains of The Stone Roses’ classic This Is The One. Another Roses’ classic, Waterfall, may well be more apt.