It can be difficult to know what to wear to a theme park – especially when you’re invited to be one of the first riders on the tallest and fastest rollercoaster in the UK.
But what I did know is that if I’m going to be defying gravity on Thorpe Park’s 81mph Hyperia, I’d most likely want to wear a good fitting bra.
And that was a decision that future me sincerely thanked past me for – otherwise the metal carriage wouldn’t have been the only thing flying through the air.
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On Thursday (May 24), the thrilling adventure park in Surrey theatrically launched their newest attraction, Hyperia, which boasts quite the title and even more impressive specs.
Although Thorpe Park announced its temporary closure only a day after the ribbon-cutting ceremony due to “unforeseen circumstances”, the ride is set to re-open this week, and as the tallest (236ft) and fastest coaster in the UK, along with the tallest loop in Europe – Hyperia is certainly impressive on paper.
However, apart from its white and partly gold track to amplify the “ancient River God” inspiration for the ride, it didn’t scream “powerful” nor “invincible” on first glance – despite being in the description on Thorpe Park’s website.
But, was I too quick to judge the ride that has been hyped up over the last year? Yes, yes I was.
I was forming my opinion comparing Hyperia to the theme park’s existing roster of coasters, including Stealth – which used to be the UK’s fastest ride.
Looking up while they were testing the ride before the countdown commenced, Hyperia didn’t look that fast nor that high as I was jogging my memory to Stealth.
That’s a ride that doesn’t even give you the chance to comprehend that you’ve been boosted from 0-80mph in just 1.8 seconds.
Hyperia did certainly tower over neighbouring coaster, Saw:The Ride, and its iconic yet incredibly steep 100ft drop. But enough of the pondering, it was time to get on the ride.
I’m not going to lie, I was eager to get to the front of the queue but, when I did, I had some serious regrets. Regrets on all my life decisions that led me to test this contraption, which left previous riders wide-eyed and laughing from the sheer madness of what they’ve just put themselves through.
My anticipation quickly grew into anxiety when I realised there were no seatbelts or over-the-shoulder safety straps, but just the over-the-lap restraints.
Do I get off now and risk looking like a wuss in front of children who are buzzing to get on it? Or do I brave it and risk laryngitis(at best) from screaming around the longest track of twists and turns at Thorpe Park?
Well, obviously I went for the latter otherwise I wouldn’t be writing this. After the seats had been secured, a climactic puff of smoke signalled the start of the ride after 30 minutes of queuing.
“It doesn’t look that tall,” I heard muttered amongst the carriage. Oh, how wrong we all were – how very very wrong indeed.
The ascent felt like it was never-ending, a gradual celestial climb if you will. But will the next seconds of my life be a living hell?
From the ground up it didn’t look that high, but my word, when at the peak of the ride, it very quickly sunk it that I could see too far into the distance for my liking.
Before we reached the peak of 236ft, I spotted a church in the beyond which I took as a sign of the Gods being on my side. But let’s just say if you’re not much of a worshipping sort, this ride will quickly convert you into a believer.
Though, I’m not sure any of the Gods would appreciate the expletives that left my mouth as we descended into what felt like an otherworldly realm.
Screams soared as we plunged at 81mph from the sky back down to earth. Instead of holding on to the lap restraint, I became a restraint to myself and held on to “myyyy boooobssss”, as my friend did the same to her own.
Insane drops, twists, turns, loops and 14.8secs of ‘weightless moments’ (the most on UK records) means that you will need a decent bra my friends. I gave mine the extra support out of fear they’d take off too.
As well as tying down your t**s, you might want to consider options on the hair front too. Although mine was tied in a little bun, the force of Hyperia managed to style me in some curtains.
The sensations on board Hyperia are, well, sensational – you feel nothing and everything at once. Both free and like you’re going to ruin your pants, and let’s not forget the jelly legs.
Thorpe Park’s newest and record-breaking coaster really does put you through the motions, and so it gets a major thumbs up from me – it’s certainly worth the ride (when it’s open again).
It’s safe to say that I have regrets about underestimating the mighty force of Hyperia, but I certainly did not have any regrets in wearing a bra that safely kept my boobs in place.