What a circus Bayern Munich have become.
For a club with a chokehold on the Bundesliga tighter than a dominatrix’s corset over the past two decades they do tend to trip over themselves an awful lot. They swiped right on just about every manager in Europe with a half-decent reputation last month, and still ended up settling for a beluga whale-looking Burnley manager who won five league games all season.
Trading Thomas Tuchel for Vincent Kompany is as baffling a downgrade as that time Liverpool replaced Luis Suarez with Ricky ‘talks to glasses of water’ Lambert. But it’s hardly a surprise, Bayern are a bigger managerial turn off than a lap dance from Sam Allardyce.
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Pep Guardiola is the only coach they’ve kept hold of for more than a couple of seasons since 2007, and they’ve had 15 of the buggers since then!
Spare a thought for Harry Kane too. His bosses are so trigger-happy they make Todd Boehly look patient and now he might have the man with the world’s most non-existent neck, Craig Bellamy, telling him how to shoot next season. Yikes.
How long will Kompany last at Bayern Munich? Let us know in the comments section below.
(Image: MICHAELA STACHE/AFP via Getty Images)
You silly Arse!
So Arsene Wenger’s trying to ram a change to the offside rule down our throats and honestly he can piss off.
The feckless Fabianski-loving Frenchman reckons the flag should only go up if there’s “daylight” between the attacker and the last defender – like the daylight between Arsenal and the top of the table throughout Arsene’s last decade in the Prem, I guess.
(Image: FIFA via Getty Images)
But that won’t solve anything, just like when Wenger signed Kim Kallstrom on loan despite the fact he had a broken back. All it does is turn toenail offsides into tip-of-the-heel offsides, which is très stupide.
So here’s my advice for ‘Le Professeur’: quit your meddling and go back to fiddling with your zipper!
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Why do people care about Marco Reus?
Am I the only one who doesn’t give two f***s about Marco Reus winning the Champions League?
Since Dortmund knocked PSG out to book their place in tonight’s final, social media has been swamped with vomit-inducing posts from weirdo posers pretending to be invested in Reus’ overexaggerated quest to ‘finally’ lift the big one.
Yes I know it’ll be his last game for Dortmund and there’s something faintly interesting about that. But we’re talking about a distinctly B-tier footballer here, not some generational behemoth with a gaping European Cup-shaped hole on his CV.
(Image: Getty)
Apparently I’m supposed to root for him because he’s, quote, loyal. Well it’s easy to be loyal when you’re an injury prone also-ran who struggled to keep Andre Schurrle out of Germany’s team.
This is what happens when people form their opinions playing FIFA instead of actually watching matches: they become phoney, unoriginal dorks. You know, like all Man United fans.