You’ve downed multiple coffees, petted all the dogs at the polling station and are whistling a merry tune as you count down the hours until 10pm.
Ignore that rising sense of dread in the pit of your stomach – that’s just the Exit Poll Butterflies making themselves known. Whether you’re planning to stay up all night or are crashing out on the sofa just after midnight, we’ve got everything you need to survive election night…
What to drink
Bear in mind that if you’re in this for the long haul, you need to be drinking something that doesn’t send you sailing around the room like Jeremy Vine’s swingometer. There’s at least eight hours of heavy drinking time ahead of us, so stay hydrated.
Naturally, it’s got to be red wine for the first few Labour seats, a sturdy green tea if the Greens win their predicted three seats, and perhaps a consolatory pint of bitter for any Tories who manage to secure a win.
How about a K(e)ir Royale – crème de cassis topped with champagne – for when the Labour leader’s Holborn and St Pancras constituency is declared? And if by some miracle the polls are wrong about Clacton, you could mark Nigel Farage ’s eighth (count ‘em) electoral failure with his very own brand of gin – a snip at £40 for 70cl. Or 24.637fl oz, as the Imperial-loving boozer has helpfully printed on his bottles.
What to eat on election night
You’re going to need some starchy carbs to mop up all that booze, so might we suggest crisps – Wotsits for the Lib Dems – and biscuits? David Lammy Dodgers, political Party Rings, Ginger Nuts (to match Angela Rayner ’s hair) and Rich Teas, to wave off the wealthiest Prime Minister in history (lest we forget that Mr Sunak and his wife Akshata Murty have a joint net worth of £651million). If you need something more in-your-face, how about roast gammon washed down with a banana milkshake?
What music shall we play on election night?
Is it even an election night party if you’re not throwing open all the windows and pumping out D:Ream’s Things Can Only Get Better into the night?
For the classic midnight-to-3am doldrums when the results are taking ages to come in, cue up Marvin Gaye’s What’s Going On and Dazed and Confused by Led Zeppelin. And throw in The Smiths’ Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now for the moment a downcast Rishi Sunak is pictured leaving Downing Street for the last time.
Games for election night
Election night bingo, anyone? We’ve got you covered. Here’s our helpful guide to the most likely scenarios we’re going to see happening tonight – from the BBC’s amazingly baffling graphics (Jeremy Vine inside Big Ben? Yes please) to Jacob Rees-Mogg losing his seat.