Have we all taken a step closer to world peace? It may be a lofty hope, but this week an army of able and willing (not to mention attractive) volunteers did step up to do their bit.
This month they will sashay across a platform, take to a podium and – in the best traditions of the beauty pageant world – attempt to convince the judges that they can make the world a better place.
And all the while smiling with very white teeth, offset mostly by mahogany-hued skin.
The beauty pageant in question will not be featuring the usual lithe and lovely ladies in impossible heels, however, but muscular men. Welcome to the Mr England contest, aka Hunk Central.
Christian Hawkins, 25, from Surrey, sells home security systems by day, but is also a champion bodybuilder
Christian says: ‘The competition lights will bounce off a pale body, and you can see the muscular definition better when the skin is darker.’
Nathan Angel, 21, is a sheep farmer and professional wrestler. He says: ‘They are actually very complimentary’
It may have passed many of us by (who knew that male beauty pageants were even a thing?) but, just like the Olympics, the Mr England contest runs every four years and invites entries from young(ish) men who are ‘single, confident, sporty, good-looking, charitable and charismatic’.
The lucky lad chosen to represent his country also wins the chance to compete in the Mr World contest in Vietnam, and will be in with a shout of being crowned ‘the world’s most desirable man’.
This year, however, there was a calamity when only a handful of contestants applied. In desperation, the organisers roped in Miss England – Newquay surfer Milla Magee, Cornwall’s answer to Pamela Anderson – to drum up interest. Milla took to the beaches of the south coast in a hunt for handsome men ‘with a purpose’.
Decent pecs – and a current passport – were also desirable.
There is a touch of the Viking about Nathan. He has long, flowing blond locks, and the even more flowing confidence of a natural showman
Nathan says: ‘Obviously, sheep farming is very physical – and there isn’t that much difference between wrestling a sheep and wrestling a human’
What were her chances of pushing the entries into double figures? Well – glory be! – the flurry of publicity worked. It emerged last week that more than 100 hopefuls have conquered their modesty and English reserve and applied, saving the contest (and our faith in mankind, surely?) from oblivion.
‘The men were a little shy and slow about coming forward, but now we have some great contenders,’ beamed organiser Angie Beasley last week, the relief evident.
But who are these Englishmen who genuinely think they have a shot at being crowned the world’s most desirable man?
Alas, some were always destined to be disappointed. Angie tells me that the judges were a little shocked to get a handful of entries from men who have been way over the stipulated 17-27 age bracket.
‘One is 67,’ she reveals. ‘And we’ve had a smattering of entries from those in their 40s and 50s.’ She won’t be drawn on how many ‘dad bods’ have been in evidence among the entries, but it does appear that several videos (the contestants had to submit short recorded videos introducing themselves) had the whiff of being uploaded in the wee small hours, perhaps after drink was taken.
The organisers of Mr England roped in Miss England – Newquay surfer Milla Magee, Cornwall’s answer to Pamela Anderson – to drum up interest
Milla took to the beaches of the south coast in a hunt for handsome men ‘with a purpose’
The flurry of publicity worked. It emerged last week that more than 100 hopefuls have conquered their modesty and English reserve and applied
Still, it seems we are now well on the way to a shortlist – and what fine specimens have emerged. Among the hopefuls, coming from all corners of the country, are a policeman, an accountant, a sheep farmer (and part-time wrestler) and quite a few bodybuilder types.
Curiously, there is a hopeful who considers his hobby – building things with Lego – an asset.
There is also a man whose actual job description involves having made the pledge to lay down his life for King and country.
What’s immediately clear is that in this contest the bodybuilders do have an advantage. Not only are they used to holding a pose, they are also skilled in that other traditional beauty contest discipline: the application of fake tan.
One of the shortlisted candidates, Christian Hawkins, 25, from Surrey, sells home security systems by day, but is also a champion bodybuilder. He tells me that it is commonplace in the competitive bodybuilding world to smother yourselves in so much fake tan that it takes weeks to scrub it off, ‘and leaves your nails brown, so that you look as if you have a fungal disease’.
There is method in the madness, he says.
‘The competition lights will bounce off a pale body, and you can see the muscular definition better when the skin is darker. And to give a level playing field, all the contestants aim for the same colour.’
What colour is that, precisely? ‘I’d say ebony,’ he muses, after some consideration.
What a revelation it is to get a sneak peak into the preparations – not to mention the psyches – of the wannabe Mr Englands.
Christian was one of those entrants who didn’t even know the contest existed until he was persuaded to throw his hat in the ring by chums.
‘I have one friend whose dad was a former Mr Gibraltar,’ he says. ‘He said ‘why don’t you enter Mr England?’ and I thought ‘good point. Why don’t I?’. I’m used to being judged, and obviously I’m confident that I’m in good shape. I think I’ve got what it takes.
‘And obviously I’m no stranger to appearing in front of a crowd borderline-naked. In fact, I’ll be wearing more clothes in this contest than I usually do.’
In good shape?! Christian competes at the highest level of bodybuilding (in the ‘natural’ category, whereby contestants are tested to prove they use no performance-enhancing drugs or steroids), which means that he has a physique which makes Michelangelo’s David look quite puny (not to mention pale).
By luck, he has a big bodybuilding contest coming up in August, so is already in almost peak physical condition.
‘The men were a little shy and slow about coming forward, but now we have some great contenders,’ beamed organiser Angie Beasley
‘I’m 80 to 90 per cent there,’ he says. To where? ‘In bodybuilding you are aiming for seven or eight per cent body fat, which is the lowest you can be really. I’m generally more around the ten to 11 per cent, in terms of body fat.’
He’s a lean machine, he means. ‘The aim, in this world, is to look as if you are a muscle diagram.’
Will his muscles impress the Mr England judges, though? Well, they might if the judges are female. Or gay. Christian is straight (‘and no, no girlfriend. It would rule me out of the competition if I wasn’t single’), but has first-hand experience of his looks being judged outside the competition arena too. ‘It’s the older generation of women – say from the 40s and 50s upwards, who are also very upfront. If I’m on holiday, say, and have my shirt off, they will come up and rub my abs, or ask for my number.’
What about the younger women? ‘Well, it’s still there, but it’s more subtle. They will hold eye contact and give a little smile. Some women might say that they don’t mind a dad bod, but the evidence suggests otherwise.’
The judges are at pains to stress that Mr England is not just about pecs, though. To wow them, contestants will have to compete in a sporting round, a fashion round, and an interview where they will have to talk about more than their gym bunny routines.
Is Christian confident? ‘Absolutely. It’s a different psychology, but I have a good sense of humour, interesting hobbies – I’m into classic cars and clay shooting – and I think I have what it takes.’
He doesn’t seem hugely fazed by the competition, although does express some concern about one of the other contestants, ‘who looks a bit like Thor. He’s a chap from Dorset’.
Step forward 21-year-old Nathan Angel, who is a sheep farmer and professional wrestler. These two things seem wildly incompatible, I suggest to him. He says I am completely wrong. ‘They are actually very complimentary. Obviously, sheep farming is very physical – and there isn’t that much difference between wrestling a sheep and wrestling a human.’
What can we say about Nathan Angel? First, is the surname real? ‘I was born from an angel,’ he says, refusing to be drawn on what his passport actually says.
Nathan entered Mr England ‘because one of my mum’s friends said I should’. Also, his dad sanctioned it because it isn’t lambing season and so he could be allowed the time off. He admits he didn’t know that men could be in beauty pageants either.
‘But it does feel like traditional beauty pageants have changed. It’s a more positive platform now. It requires a lot of skills. It’s not just a load of men who look like Joey Essex. There are good looking dudes who are also intelligent and well spoken.’
There is a touch of the Viking about Nathan. He has long, flowing blond locks, and the even more flowing confidence of a natural showman. ‘There is a drama to the wrestling I do, but this is going to be a different type of performance,’ he says.
Will he be going for the fake-tan look?
‘Oh I’m no stranger to that. It’s the bane of my hairdresser’s life, to be honest. We use it for the wrestling and it dyes the roots of my hair and turns it ginger, but mostly I prefer the au naturel look. Although for the wrestling we do shave our legs to look a little more fly.’
And the ladies like this? ‘Well, to be honest, it’s the gay men who are most likely to express their appreciation, but the older grannies are quite vocal too. They will say what they like!’
What on earth do the other farmworkers make of Nathan and his Mr England bid?
He admits he has had some ribbing. ‘On the farm, I’ll have my hair up and just be in my farming clothes and it’s all quite traditional there, but it gives everyone a laugh.’
Mere mortals might quake at the thought of being up against such muscle men, but one of the most confident contestants is also one with the more modest physique.
‘The bodybuilder types might have the muscles, but are they well-rounded people, have they got intelligence, looks and personality?’ asks Baltej Tattla, 26, who is an accountant with Deloitte and lives in West London.
Baltej too is single (‘I have been single for 26 years. I have high standards. The right woman hasn’t come along yet’), but convinced he can triumph.
‘I think I can win not just Mr England but Mr World,’ he says. ‘I think I am more relatable than some of the others.’
Armed with a degree from Loughborough University, Bal has a sporting background, and considers himself a global citizen.
‘I hadn’t considered applying for Mr England, but then I read the requirements. They were after someone with looks and personality, an extrovert who loves travelling, someone who wants to make a difference and contribute. I thought ‘if this was a job advert, I would apply because this is me! So I did. You have to be an ambassador for yourself.’
What will his employers think if he wins? Will he be allowed time off to go to Mr World (and thereafter to sort out the world peace thing?). ‘Oh yes, they have very good holiday policies.’