A relationship expert has warned new couples to have the ‘big conversation’ about sex early on to avoid being stuck with ‘boring sex 10 years later’.
Dr Tara Suwinyattichaiporn, a sex and relationship expert, appeared on the 90s Baby Show podcast with south London presenters Fred Santana, Temi Alchemy and VP to stress the importance of communicating your sexual desires.
In a video shared to Instagram, the specialist – who recently sparked controversy when she said men who were sexually inactive could end up with a shrunken penis – said the ‘big talk’ was crucial as it helped your partner learn about your favourite ‘sex kinks and toys’.
For those who feared offending their other half with the conspicuous subject matter, she suggested ways to subtly approach the conversation.
Breaking it down into two major concepts, she explained: ‘Macro sexual communication and micro sexual communication; macro sexual communication is about your sex life.
Sex and relationship expert Dr Tara Suwinyattichaiporn (pictured) has warned new couples to have the ‘big conversation’ about sex early on to avoid ‘having boring sex 10 years later’
‘For example if you’re interested in trying new things, exploring with new kinks, a new toys, that’s a conversation that you have outside the bedroom, outside your home in a relaxed environment’.
The expert – who is also an associate professor at California State University – instructed couples to try saying: ‘Hey babe let’s talk about sex’ or ‘what do we want to try this year? What is something new that we perhaps have been thinking about that we want to share with each other?’
She emphasised that ‘every couple needs to have this conversation’ and if not would ‘end up bored 10 years later having boring sex’.
‘You’ll realise oh s**t it’s so hard to mention sex now because I don’t want to offend my partner’ she continued.
‘You need to have this conversation early in a relationship – but it’s never too late. Even if you’ve been together now 10 years you can still do it’.
She reiterated the importance of ‘priming’ such a conversation and jokingly encouraged viewers to tell their partners they’d heard about the ‘big talk’ on the 90s Baby Show.
She concluded: ‘If you have open conversations about sex more regularly, you’ll have a happier sex life in a long-term relationship’.
In an interview with the Doing It podcast in 2022, she explained that micro communication dealt with ‘day to day’ issues such as ‘the sexual initiation, it’s the aftercare.
She appeared on the 90s Baby Show podcast with South London presenters Fred Santana (bottom left), Temi Alchemy (bottom right), and VP (top left) to stress the importance of communicating your sexual desires
Tara said said the ‘big talk’ was crucial as it helped your partner learn about your favourite ‘sex kinks and toys’. She also broke down the conversation into two concepts: micro sexual communication and macro sexual communication
‘It’s the dirty talk. It’s the sexting’ she continued. ‘The little things you do in a day to – oh, gosh, I hate the word “spice up your sex life”. Really, it’s to maintain, let’s say, it’s to maintain passion’.
Meanwhile, according to one intimacy coach, scheduling romps into your diary could be the key to mind blowing sex.
For the best sex, people over 40 should schedule it in their diary and discuss what will happen in the bedroom to ensure mutual satisfaction, explained Ruth Ramsay.
To avoid misunderstandings, it is much safer to ask someone if you can kiss them first, revealed the expert, who helps couples improve their sex lives.
She said people need to let go of the ideas that scheduled sex is unromantic, and embrace planning it and discussing what it will entail.
Ruth told the Mail: ‘We are wedded to this idea of spontaneous, wordless passionate sex, but in midlife, in long-established relationships, planning sex and knowing it is coming up can produce more desire.
‘We shouldn’t treat sex like something we do spontaneously if there is time, after everything else in life, from work to housework, to life admin and looking after children is done.
‘That’s how people go weeks or months without having sex at all.
‘It is better to treat it like a hobby, which you set aside an hour for, because it is important to you and you want to ensure it happens’.