Ask any woman over 40 on a dating app and she’ll confirm this.
A decent looking woman in midlife can pull a great-looking guy in his 20s or 30s…but not an out of shape 56-year-old, bald and beer-gutted, with numerous aches and pains.
That guy still ticks the ‘under 40’ box as the cut off for women he wants to meet, curiously confident he will be attractive to this group.
It’s one reason why many midlife women are discovering the joys of dating someone much younger than them – and there are many more.
Two in five women on the dating app Feeld are now open to meeting members who are 15 or more years younger than them.
US Census data shows the percentage of marriages between older women and younger men has grown in the past two decades: 14 per cent of marriages of women over 50 was to a partner younger by least five years.
Not only is it easier for women to date younger men, those that do are happier. An American study of 300 women found women with a partner at least ten years younger are happier than those with partners their own age or older.
Sex and relationships expert Tracey Cox (pictured) spoke to midlife women who choose to date younger men rather than their own contemporaries
All hail Sienna
We can thank celebrities for helping derogatory terms like ‘cougar’ and ‘cradle-snatcher’ – applied to women who dated younger men but never the reverse – to disappear.
Cher’s at it – dating a 38-year-old at 78-years-old – but then she’s always been at it. (Good for her!) It’s when respected actresses like Sienna Miller have a baby with a partner who is 15 years younger, that the taboo gets challenged.
In a recent magazine interview, Sienna said younger men respect women more because they’ve grown up with a slightly more level playing field.
Guess what? She’s right.
Actress Sienna Miller (left), 42, is in a relationship with actor Oli Green (right), 27
It takes a certain type
Not all young men are open to dating women older than them: they tend to be self-assured, mature and confident enough to make unconventional choices.
It’s not just any woman who suits this arrangement, either.
The type of woman who’s inclined to go out with a younger man is usually better than average looking. Let’s be brutally honest here: physical appearance is nearly always the initial attractor. These women don’t necessarily look younger than their age, but they do have buckets of sex appeal.
I interviewed a wide range of women (ranging in age from 46 to 61) who’ve dated a man at least ten years younger to find out what their experience was.
Here’s what I discovered.
‘I thought I’d feel self-conscious naked, but he made me feel like the sexiest woman alive’
Nicole, 51, has been dating men younger than her for more than six years.
‘When people ask why I don’t date men my own age, the answer is because they don’t want to date me!
‘Any female over 45 will share my frustration with how older men behave on dating apps. Well, the feeling is mutual now I’ve gone younger. It’s a totally different experience – and a lot more positive.
‘The first young guy I went out with was also the only decent guy who responded to my profile.
‘At first, I thought it was a joke – why would a guy that young and good-looking want to date me? We arranged to meet, and I was convinced he’d either not turn up or run once he saw me in real life. He did neither. We had a brilliant evening and there was no pressure for sex at the end of it.
‘I asked why he chose me over a younger woman, and he said he was tired of their “dramas and insecurity”. Part of me bristled, aware I was guilty of both in my 20s as well, but it made me realise just how confident I was now compared to then. I could see the appeal of being with a woman who didn’t cling or want commitment.
One 51-year-old woman told Tracey Cox that sex with her younger lover was ‘fantastic’ (stock image)
‘We had sex after date three (yes, that old rule stuck!) and it was fantastic. I thought I’d feel self-conscious, but I didn’t. He made me feel like the sexiest woman alive.
‘The oral sex he gave me was the best I’ve ever had. I couldn’t get enough of him and we saw each other for four months. It ran its course after that: we still text but I don’t want a serious relationship, just a bit of fun.
‘Since then, I’ve dated three other younger men and each was an enjoyable, ego-boosting experience.
‘I don’t raise too many eyebrows doing what I do though I got a bit of resistance at the start from my daughter, who’s 24. She was a bit funny about me dating men not much older than her. But now she knows I’m not going to marry one and make her call him ‘Dad’, she thinks it’s liberating.
‘My Mum wishes she could have her time over again so she could do the same and my Dad says men have been doing it for years, so why shouldn’t women?
‘My married girlfriends are deeply envious and want all the intimate details. I don’t think I’ll settle down with a much younger man but, who knows? Never say never.’
Younger men are more appealing because…
They look great
Let’s acknowledge the less woke but obvious appeal first, shall we? Youth is attractive physically. Young men are energetic, more muscle-bound and have penises that spring to attention within seconds.
But while this is a definite plus, most of the women I spoke to say the following quality is what appeals more…
Data from the popular dating app Feeld reveals that two in five women are now open to meeting members 15 years (or more) their junior (stock image)
They’re more positive about life
World weary, depressed at not having achieved what he’d hoped, feeling undervalued and judged by a woke world he doesn’t quite understand…The ‘grumpy old man’ label fits a lot of older men.
Younger men are less jaded. They’re more fun, spontaneous, curious about the world and exciting. Their energy and enthusiasm for life is both refreshing and invigorating.
The sex is better
Many women in midlife experience a renewed sense of sexual freedom and confidence.
They’re more likely to take the lead and become the sexual aggressor than a younger woman – and less likely to lie back and let him do all the work. It’s nearly always good news if the woman takes control because we focus less on intercourse.
Sex becomes more about giving each other pleasure and enjoying the journey – the only real way to ensure both of you have an orgasm during partnered sex.
Young men have grown up with the ‘she comes first’ mantra, they know about the orgasm gap, what a clitoris is, where to find it and how to stimulate it. In short, they’re more sexually savvy. The more a man knows about a woman’s sexual response system, the better lover he will be.
They’ve grown up in a more female-friendly, enlightened age
It’s not just the sexual messaging that’s better, young men are less sexist. Their mothers invariably worked as well as their fathers; she might well have earned more than him.
Today’s young men grow up hearing terms like ’emotional intelligence’ and ‘self-care’. Men in their 50s can be oblivious to concepts like this. They’re less likely to have done work on themselves; less open to new ways of thinking.
The older women I spoke to say the younger men they’ve dated had an emotional intelligence and maturity they don’t see in men their own age.
They’re not stuck in their ways
Dating a younger guy often means you’re introduced to new ideas, trends and perspectives. They’re more flexible in their views and less set in their ways. Life is infinitely more interesting than existing with an ‘It’s-Thursday-so-it-must-be-egg-and-chips’ man.
There’s less emotional baggage
Fewer scars from past relationships means a less cynical view of life – not to mention a healthier bank balance that hasn’t been decimated by divorce settlements.
Who would YOU rather date? The one who thinks all women are ‘crazy b****es’ or one who likes women?
- Check out traceycox.com for Tracey’s product ranges, Supersex and Edge (available from lovehoney), her weekly podcast, blog and books.