Dear Jana,
I’m a 46-year-old divorced mum who’s just started dating again after nearly three years. I tried dating men in their mid-forties and fifties, but it never clicked. So, I took a chance and started dating guys in their late twenties and early thirties. I ended up in an unexpected relationship with a 27-year-old, and it’s one of the best and healthiest relationships I’ve ever had.
But at a recent dinner party, one of my close friends jokingly called me a ‘cougar,’ and the joke quickly caught on with the group. While I’m usually pretty laid-back and will happily admit I enjoyed some of the attention from younger guys on dating apps, being labelled a ‘cougar’ feels a little insulting. It seems to imply that my interest in younger men is something laughable or predatory. It’s made me wonder if there’s something wrong with my midlife dating choices or if I’m just being overly sensitive.
Am I making too much of this, or are my friends being inconsiderate?
Anonymous
Oh girl.
27 isn’t predatory! That man has been legally allowed to drink, vote and lay naked at nudist beaches for the last nine years!
So let me just say kudos to you for diving back into the dating pool with such gusto. Dating younger guys is really having a moment right now. Just ask Cher, Priyanka Chopra and Cameron Diaz.
Jana Hocking offers advice to Aussies who confess their dark secrets
And trust me, I have met enough Peter Pans (men who refuse to grow up) in their 40s and 50s to know that age is but a number.
Now, about this ‘cougar’ business. Look, I get it. When I hear that word, the first thing that comes to mind is Stifler’s mum and it does sound a bit icky. So yes, it can sting a little when it feels like people are reducing you to a punchline. But here’s the thing: your dating life is your own, and if you’re happy and it’s working, that’s what truly matters.
Have three wines and tells those broads to bugger off.
Okay, not really. But think of it this way – if they’re joking about it, it’s probably because they find it fascinating or intriguing. And if you’ve got a great thing going with this younger guy, then your friends’ comments are just background noise to your fabulous new love (and I’m assuming sex) life.
You’re not being overly sensitive; you’re just in tune with how words can sometimes cut deeper than intended. So, I say enjoy your brand spankin’ new relationship and let the naysayers deal with their own receding hairline, bad back partners. You’ve got this.
Dear Jana,
I keep catching my highly suspicious girlfriend snooping through my phone. I swear, I’m not cheating, but my Google search history is embarrassing. We’re talking things like ‘How to fake a sick day without getting caught,’ ‘Normal d*ck size’, ‘Hangover cures,’ and ‘Why does my dog hate me?’ I need to figure out how to get her off my phone. Got any tips?
Cheers,
Anonymous
Dear anonymous,
I actually have a very nifty solution for you! And I learnt it from a podcast hosted by Sylvester Stallone’s daughters called ‘unwaxed’ which I know, is so random!
This hack is bad news for people that are paranoid in relationships! (**hangs own head in shame!). But Sophia Stallone broke the internet when she revealed that there is a new iphone update that allows you to lock an app, and hide an app.
So if you lock an app, it means you now you have a second layer of passwords (so it’s a second password or a face ID) to open it up. You are going to go with the face id my friend!
‘I have met enough Peter Pans (men who refuse to grow up) in their 40s and 50s to know that age is but a number,’ Jana says
And if you lock an app you won’t receive any notifications. Handy, right!
The new update also makes sure the apps you have locked have no evidence of a search history, call history, or recent map searches. Handy for your ‘normal d*ck size’ debacle.
PLUS, if you hide an app (like the Google app for example) no one but the owner of the phone knows where to find it!
Great news for cheaters and those who are sick of their partners snooping!
So update your phone. If you happen to have an android phone then that’s on you, and also, how the heck did you get a girlfriend in the first place? Green text messages from android users is such an ick!
Dear Jana,
Every time my ex gets drunk he calls or texts me, telling me how much he misses me and asking if he can come over. I’m a deep sleeper and most of the time I don’t see these messages until the morning, but I’ve occasionally given in to temptation and then the next morning he always apologises and tells me we should try and stick with the breakup.
For reference, he dumped me a few months ago saying he’s not ready to settle down and I was heartbroken. I don’t know whether to try and move on or let him go out and have his fun so he can realise the grass is not greener. I mean if it was he wouldn’t be contacting me right? Should I be setting a healthier boundary and tell him to stop getting in contact with me after a few drinks. Every time I see his name pop up it gives me hope.
I’m finding the whole thing so confusing.
Sasha
Okay Sasha, I’m going to be real with you. First of all, your ex is a horny loser. He dumped you for not being ready to settle down, and now he’s begging you back when he’s drunk? That’s not love, that’s desperation-with-a-boner.
Second, you’re not doing yourself any favors by letting him back into your life. Every time you give in to temptation, you’re just giving him more power over you. You need to set a boundary and tell him to stop contacting you when he’s drunk. He wants easy attention and you’re giving it to him. By simply ignoring him, you are turning that man into a cave man and making him go on a hunt for you. Blokes actually enjoy the chase. Weirdos.
Third, you need to move on. There are plenty of other fish in the sea. Don’t waste your time on someone who doesn’t appreciate you.
So, here’s what I suggest:
• Block his number
• Delete all of his texts and emails
• Unfollow him on social media
• Go out with your friends
• Date someone new
It won’t be easy, but it’s worth it. You deserve someone who loves you for who you are, not someone who just wants to use you when he’s lonely. I heard a quote last week that said ‘every time you say no to someone who isn’t committing, you are setting your future self up for success’ and aint that the truth!