Thomas Tuchel better not be a spineless wimp like (*checks notes*) every single bloody England manager since the Millennium.
I’m sick to death of watching all of our best players getting awkwardly crammed into a starting XI the way Steve Bruce awkwardly crams kebabs into his gob. I mean did you see the state of Lee Carsley’s line-up against Greece?
Jude Bellingham, Phil Foden, Cole Palmer, Bukayo Saka and Anthony Gordon all started, and Trent Alexander-Arnold was at left back. There was no logic, no structure and no strategy – much like Manchester United’s transfer policy.
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It’s just so painfully English. If Harry Kane, Bellingham and Foden getting simultaneously stuffed into the No. 10 spot at the Euros, the never-ending Gerrard-Lampard-Scholes saga, and McBusted have taught us anything it’s that we’re the masters of brainlessly lumping things together and ruining them.
Play the best team, not just the best players. Even Cole ‘I only know five letters of the alphabet’ Palmer could figure that out. And with any luck, so will Big Tom.
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(Image: The FA via Getty Images)
Faith in Carsley made no sense
Carsley ruled himself out of the running for the England job last week, but the fact the FA didn’t do that from day dot is absolute lunacy.
I know bald managers are all the rage these days, but Carsley’s basically just a budget Gareth Southgate isn’t he? He’s familiar, would probably make a lovely cuppa for your nan, but ultimately has the tactical nous of a toddler navigating a maze.
(Image: Getty Images)
The reason Gareff went from hero to zero quicker than Erik ten Hag the morning after United’s FA Cup win is because anyone with a brain could see he was about as limited a coach as Kyle Walker is a husband, and it’s the same for Carsley.
When the likes of Pep Guardiola, Tuchel, Eddie Howe and Graham Potter were all gettable, why did the FA seemingly give first refusal to someone best remembered for being that bald Everton bloke who wasn’t Thomas Gravesen?
The fact that we had our pants pulled down by Greece was a godsend, because wasting another golden generation on tactically inadequate managers would be as unforgivable as Manchester City tossing Palmer on the scrapheap.
Shrink or sink
Right. I’m calling it. They need to start using smaller goals in women’s football because those keepers make Loris Karius in oven mitts look competent.
Hate on me if you must, but watching gals jog, rather than dive, across their line to make a save is like being at a clown’s funeral: hilarious, but tragic.
They miss bouncing balls the way babies miss soap bubbles, and we shouldn’t pretend like it doesn’t happen or isn’t a bigger embarrassment than Timo Werner in a 1v1 scenario.
If we truly want to elevate the women’s game, take elevation out of the equation!