Working life today is full of constantly evolving challenges and pitfalls. When is it OK to date a co-worker? Can you tell your team to get back into the office five days a week? Whether you’re a baffled Boomer, a muddled millennial, or a confused Gen Z-er, our brilliant columnist Nicola Horlick (asknicola@mailonsunday.co.uk) is here to help. She is using her experience of corporate life to guide you through the traps and set you on the path to success.
I’m a 25-year-old graduate and recently started work in a leading professional services firm. I love my job, but one thing upsets me. My direct line manager swears a lot, including using some words I consider offensive.
He doesn’t swear at people and is not abusive to anyone. He just peppers his conversation with profanity. He is probably in his 50s and does call me ‘sweetheart’, and refers to women as ‘babes’ or ‘chicks’, but he brings in a lot of business and is very popular with important clients. A senior woman did suggest he rein in his language but he took no notice.
I am not a woke little snowflake, but I find this uncomfortable. Should I say something to him, or maybe even go to HR?
– Emma
Nicola replies: I’m not surprised you find your manager’s language offensive. And it is unacceptable for him to call any colleague ‘babe’, ‘sweetheart’ or refer to them as ‘chicks’, so I do think you should go to the human resources team.
Your line manager’s boss should have noticed his language and it is concerning it has persisted. This is about the culture of the firm. A supportive working environment can only be created if the people managing it instil the right values. If your line manager’s boss hasn’t noticed his language or the unease his attitude to women creates, there is something wrong.
I’d hope the HR manager would be able to help, even if everyone is terrified your line manager will take offence and leave. There should never be any allowance for such behaviour just because someone brings in substantial revenues and is popular with clients.
If nothing happens, you could tell your ultimate boss you’re unhappy about the culture. It’s important for young women to be treated with respect and have positive role models in the workplace. In my first job, there was such a woman who was amazing.
She was ultra-professional and no male colleague would have dared talk to her in a derisory or misogynistic way. She engendered total respect and watching her taught me it was possible to earn the respect of colleagues as a young woman by being the best and most professional that I could be in the office.
There were the occasional issues – a hand accidentally brushing my bottom when I was bending to get something out of a filing draw or a hand on my knee at a lunch – but generally my male colleagues knew they couldn’t mess with me. If you have spoken to HR and your issue still hasn’t been taken seriously, it might be time for you to move on. There is plenty of demand for bright young women like you from other employers.
Can you tell me how I can compliment a member of my team on her outfit without being accused of harassment or favouritism?
I am a 48-year-old male in a creative industry where it’s important that our people have the right look when they go out to clients. I don’t want to impose a dress code. But I do want to get over the idea that someone has got the elegant but edgy vibe we need to project – without her thinking I’m a middle-aged perve coming on to her.
– Jake
I don’t think it would be appropriate for you to comment on your female team member’s attire, Nicola Horlick advises
Nicola replies: That’s a difficult one. I don’t think it would be appropriate for you to comment on your female team member’s attire. If you’re trying to encourage a particular look, it would be better to discuss it with the whole team. You could say your colleague has the ‘vibe’ you want to create.
But if you do this, you will in effect be imposing a dress code, so it might be better to leave it to people to decide for themselves what the right vibe is. Given so many people are now working at least partly from home and doing meetings online, dress seems less of an issue. Even in financial services, attire has changed drastically.
When I joined a bank in the 1980s, women wore power suits with huge shoulder pads and heels, and trousers were not allowed. Today, young women in finance wear trousers and shirts with even the jacket being jettisoned.
I’d rather have a team who are able to express themselves. Why should you be the arbiter of what is ‘elegant but edgy’? The best teams are ones where there is an element of diversity.
Diversity in its true sense means people from different backgrounds with varying life experiences. This should be able to come out in how they dress.
So, leave it to the team – and definitely do not comment on your female colleague’s outfit.
asknicola@mailonsunday.co.uk