Mary Berry’s Foolproof Dinners (BBC2)
In the opening moments of Mary Berry’s Foolproof Dinners, Alan Carr phoned Dame Mary’s mobile out of the blue – even though they’d never met – and invited her to visit his kitchen and teach him to cook.
Really? We all know a more likely call came from the comedian’s agent: ‘Alan, love, the Beeb are doing a wonderful new series with Mary Berry and they’d like you to take part. The money’s quite good, and you get free food.’
Why bother to pretend otherwise?
You might feel Alan is somewhat overexposed on television, but he turned out to be the perfect pupil. He really, really can’t cook and lives on takeaways, which for some reason he insists are left on his doorstep.
In the opening moments of Mary Berry’s Foolproof Dinners, Alan Carr phoned Dame Mary’s mobile out of the blue – even though they’d never met – and invited her to visit his kitchen and teach him to cook
By the time Mary had finished with him, the comedian was so confident that he imagined himself hosting cookery demonstrations for his friends. ‘They could call it Cooking For Idiots With Alan Carr,’ he said
At one point he opened his huge fridge to reveal, well, pretty much nothing. There were a couple of jars of pickle, a lemon, and that was about it.
On some shelves you could virtually see tumbleweed (which makes a tasty vegetarian dish when fried in olive oil and seasoned with ginger. Well, probably).
Dame Mary’s horrified face was a picture. Her jaw could not have dropped any lower if the BBC had announced that next week’s guest would be Kim Jong Un, the supreme leader of North Korea. Actually, it’s Claudia Winkleman.
The signs were there before she even noticed the fridge. Alan has a board which says: Kitchens Are For Dancing In.
He wasn’t sure he’d ever used the oven, and at one point Dame Mary had to ask: ‘Do you have cutlery?’
Dame Mary prepared some of the dishes in her own kitchen in that familiar, no-nonsense, easy-to-follow style
He did, and even found the right drawer, which was a bit of a surprise. In one cupboard on his kitchen island, he had earlier discovered a wig.
Putting it on, he rose from behind the island looking like a Radio 1 DJ from the 1970s who does a lot of work for charity but doesn’t like to talk about it.
Dame Mary not only taught him a few simple recipes, but also gave some advice about dead-heading his rhododendrons.
Is there nothing this wonderful woman doesn’t know? It wouldn’t surprise me to learn that she’d also re-pointed his rear wall and changed his spark plugs.
She prepared some of the dishes in her own kitchen in that familiar, no-nonsense, easy-to-follow style. And I wondered why she needed a celebrity sidekick at all.
Are the days of the lone chef talking to camera while drizzling marinade over a chicken leg coming to an end?
By the time Mary had finished with him, the comedian was so confident that he imagined himself hosting cookery demonstrations for his friends. ‘They could call it Cooking For Idiots With Alan Carr,’ he said.
Watch out for that on BBC2 next year – with accompanying recipe book on sale at all good outlets. It will be on straight after Mary Berry’s Foolproof Garden Borders.