It’s fair to say Mikel Arteta has left no stone unturned in his bid to make Arsenal winners.
That’s what the challenge of attempting to take down a true champion like Pep Guardiola does to managers like Arteta. Twice Arteta has tried it in the last two seasons – and twice he’s failed.
Which is strange, considering the lengths the Spaniard has gone to on the training ground. He’s played ‘You’ll Never Walk Alone’ before games at Liverpool. He’s bought a chocolate Labrador called ‘Win’ and taken it to Arsenal’s Colney HQ to spend time with the squad.
He got his players in a circle in the dressing room, switched on a light bulb then asked them to stare at it to create their own electricity.
He’s picked the brains of every leading sports coach known to man, and just this week invited the All Blacks and their boss Scott Robertson to the training ground to pass on some tips. Heck, Arteta has even signed someone with the surname Jesus.
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Which might still be optimistic, because even turning water into wine is easier than getting the better of Guardiola in a title race. While current evidence suggests there is little or no method to Arteta’s apparent madness.
Another crushing result on Tyneside has left Arteta now needing some divine intervention if Arsenal are to still challenge Manchester City and Liverpool for the biggest domestic prize of all.
Twelve minutes was all it took for Newcastle to prise open Arsenal’s fabled defence. Alexander Isak ghosted between Gabriel and William Saliba to meet Anthony Gordon’s cross and direct a superb header past David Raya.
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When he wasn’t clasping his hands to his head in frustration, or complaining to the fourth official Darren Bond, Arteta just stood on the sidelines with a face like thunder.
In the first half he saw a team with more hunger, desire and passion than his own. No-one came close to matching the work rate of Anthony Gordon or Bruno Guimaraes, or showing the same composure in front of goal as Isak.
Arteta needed a lightbulb moment, because there was no spark in his visitors. It all felt a bit dark from the visitor’s perspective. Passes were misdirected, runs were not spotted, loose balls were lost and crosses came to nothing. There can be a petulant side to Arteta, which comes across in his team.
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And it showed at half time, when he sent his stars back out earlier than he had to, leaving them to form a huddle for several minutes before Newcastle emerged.
“We have to show our teeth,” Arteta had said, “when things are against you, that’s when you show yourself.” But whatever he said in the dressing room at the interval fell on deaf ears. Because when it came to the crunch, it turned out Arsenal were toothless.
Newcastle deserved to win, but didn’t even have to be at their best to do so. And when Gabriel misplaced the simplest of square balls towards the end, Arteta just turned away in utter disgust. He’d just witnessed a post Halloween horror show.
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One which has now left Arteta trapped in a nightmare he won’t have seen coming. For the second season in a row, Arsenal allowed themselves to be enveloped by the fog on the Tyne. Arsenal have now gone three league games without a win, and taken just one point from a possible nine.
City and Liverpool are now in danger of disappearing into the distance. Leaving Arteta suffering in the slipstream of opponents better and more consistent than Arsenal. While having dust kicked in his face, in the process.
Which means he will go back to the drawing board, and no doubt dream up another masterful idea to make his team better. But here’s a much more simple one you can have for free, Mikel. How about abandoning thinking out of the box, and making your side more lethal in it?