It’s the battle no one thought they’d want but now everyone is asking for: Gary Barlow’s massive son Vs Donald Trump‘s giant boy, Barron.
Two big lads, two famous dads, it’s the misfit fight of the century – but who will win? As ever, our first point of call was asking artificial intelligence, but this time it didn’t come through for us, saying: “Predicting the outcome of a fight between Barron Trump and Daniel Barlow is impossible without knowing their fighting styles, training, and experience.”
So, instead, we decided to take it back to the old school, when head-to-head matchups were decided by more than whimsical robots that have never even been hit in the face, when they rested on random adjudications made by people who don’t really know what they’re talking about.
(Image: Getty Images)
We wanted a proper tale of the tape.
Height
What’s a few inches between big lads? It turns out that while both are no doubt tall, what sets them apart is how much taller they are than their dads. Gary for instance, is 5’7”, while Daniel is a sturdy 6’2”. The Trumps take this one though, with 6’3” Donald towered over by the massive 6’9” Barron.
Trump 1-0 Barlow
(Image: Daily Star)
Weight
Obviously we have no idea about this, but Barron looks to have a slight build while Big Dan is more solid, so we’ll give this one to him.
Trump 1-1 Barlow
(Image: Daily Star)
Net worth
It gets to a point with money where it doesn’t really matter how much you’ve got (or so we’ve been told). Nevertheless, both these men are the sons of extremely rich dads. But while Cosmopolitan reckon Gary has a stunning £90million net worth, it is massively trumped (wheey) by Donald’s $5.5billion fortune, according to CBS .
Trump 2-1 Barlow
(Image: COPYRIGHT UNKNOWN)
Career
Both the lads seem to be revelling in their privilege, with Daniel understood to be training as a doctor, while Barron is attending the extremely prestigious New York University School of Bussiness. In other words, stay on the right side of both of them, a lesson The Daily Star would do well to heed. But, if you had to choose, better to know a doctor if ever you’re in a bind.
Trump 2-2 Barlow
(Image: AFP via Getty Images)
Most annoying dad?
They’re both pretty annoying, but we’ll have to give this one to Barron and much like his dad’s election win, by a landslide. And at least Gary Barlow isn’t in control of nuclear weapons.
Trump 2-3 Barlow
Whose dad would win in a fight?
Our social media editor Ruby had a strong opinion on this one. She reckons that “Gary pretends he’s this nice guy but he gives off a vibe of someone with an edge,” recalling his spat with Tulisa when he claimed she has “fag ash breath”.
Yes, Donald Trump is about eight inches taller but he is 78 years old, and Barlow’s 25 years to the younger makes it hard to see him not outlasting Don if they stepped in for a scrap themselves.
Trump 2-4 Barlow
(Image: AFP via Getty Images)
Better taste in football club
Gary Barlow’s massive son has been sighted by The Daily Star with a ‘You’ll Never Walk Alone’ tat, meaning it’s fair to say he’s not an Everton fan. We reckon he’s a Red, fine. Barron meanwhile is a known Arsenal fan and has appeared wearing the famous red and white shirt when he met players from DC United.
We applaud Daniel’s commitment for getting inked, rather than just pulling on a shirt (anyone can do that?). Also this author is a Tottenham fan and it’s my story, so point to Big Dan.
Trump 2-5 Barlow
Who is better at football?
This one probably has to go to Barron, who is reaping the rewards of the astonishing privilege he grew up with. During his first presidency, Donald Trump is understood to have asked former England and Manchester United striker Wayne Rooney if he could give Barron any football tips, which we reckon could have been quite valuable. He is also understood to have played for the DC youth side.
Trump 3-5 Barlow
(Image: Getty Images for ABA)
Best tattoo
Holiday snaps secured by the Mail from a Barlow family holiday in 2020 show lofty Dan sitting by the water with a woman described as ‘his girlfriend’. In the snap Barlow the Big appears to have a heart-shaped tattoo on his right shoulder, a small date (04.08.12) on his right peck, and then the aforementioned YNWA tattoo on his left.
Barron meanwhile has no tattoos known about in the public domain, which is bad news if you are in a ‘best tattoo’ competition, as he currently unwittingly is.
Trump 3-6 Barlow
Better at languages
Barron is understood to speak Slovene with his mum, who has Slovenian heritage. Rumour has it, that Barron and Melania speaking Slovene makes Donald ‘infuriated’ and we think that’s quite funny.
It’s a final point for Barron but it’s not enough to overcome Gary Barlow’s massive son.
Final score: Trump 4-6 Barlow
(Image: AFP via Getty Images)