I can’t stand all this fawning over Gary Lineker.
He’s to presenters what Conor Gallagher is to midfielders: He isn’t bad per se, he’s just bland and painfully mediocre – like a fajita without the chicken, or Erling Haaland when he isn’t facing a bottom three side. No one watches Match of the Day to hear what Lineker has to say, and if you do you’re about as easily entertained as Cole Palmer is with a bag of chippy chips.
People might miss him when he’s gone, but only in the sense that I might miss that knackered pair of underpants in my drawer. Sure, they’ve been in there a long time, but that doesn’t mean they’re any good! (I call them my Gary Li-knickers … *holds up hand and waits for high-five…*)
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But seriously, what is Gary actually good at other than toe-curling dad jokes and dedicating entire segments to answering hard-hitting questions like, “Just how crucial is Rodri to Manchester City?” or, “That Jude Bellingham is a bit special isn’t he?” (cue nauseating smirk).
He’s just an uninteresting, superficial dweeb who’s about as irreplaceable as the batteries in the back of a Game Boy. The BBC can – but knowing them, probably won’t – do a lot better.
(Image: BBC)
Everton’s new stadi-yawn
Speaking of uninteresting, I’ve just seen photos of Everton’s new stadium and flippin’ heck it’s more of an eyesore than their financial statements! They honestly couldn’t have designed a more dull and soulless building if they’d have based it on a bunch of Soviet-era apartment blocks.
I mean where the hell did they get their inspiration from, Sean Dyche’s wardrobe? It’s as if they clicked ‘create custom stadium’ on FIFA but forgot to do any actual customisation. “Bowl shape, straight roof, blue seats… yeah, done. Pub?”
Stadiums ought to be a celebration of a team’s identity, not a cookie-cutter monstrosity just begging to be rebranded as the Aldi Arena. (They might as well name it ‘Bad-isson Park’… *holds up hand and waits for high-five…*)
Everton aren’t the only ones, of course. The interior of Tottenham’s new ground is as boring as the name they gave it, and Real Madrid have turned the Bernabeu into a big toaster. It’s a shambles.
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No intrigue in the Nations League
Can broadcasters stop pretending the Nations League is important please? All I kept hearing during England’s games against Greece and Ireland was how they were “must-win” matches, like we weren’t watching the international equivalent of a Community Shield qualifier.
Fans give as much of a damn about what tier England are in as Jude Bellingham does about not coming across as an arrogant sod.
Like James Cordon in a tuxedo, the Nations League is a big nothing dressed up to look like it has value. So let’s skip all the false hype stuff next time, shall we?