A therapist has revealed five hidden signs that a person suffered childhood trauma – even if they don’t know it.
Licensed marriage and family therapist Logan Cohen said struggling to speak up for yourself, feeling awkward when people ask how you are, and imposter syndrome are all indicators of having experienced emotional neglect in childhood.
Difficulty opening up about your emotions and feeling lonely but struggling to connect with others can also stem from early trauma.
He explained that in childhood, emotional neglect is often called the ‘invisible trauma’ because the effects are so hard to recognize.
Emotional neglect occurs when caregivers fail to provide the emotional support, validation and attention that children need during their formative years from birth to around age eight.
Examples of neglectful behavior in caregivers include minimizing or dismissing their child’s feelings and withholding acts of affection like hugging or kissing.
These are all considered Adverse Childhood Experiences – or ACEs – which damage a child’s sense of safety, stability or bonding.
Emotional neglect can be just as harmful as more overt forms of abuse, and has a long-lasting effect on a person’s emotional and psychological development.
Licensed marriage and family therapist Logan Cohen has revealed five hidden signs that a person suffered childhood trauma
Struggling to speak up for yourself
People who are neglected as kids sometimes struggle to speak up for themselves as adults, ‘even when you have something important to say or someone’s walking all over you,’ Cohen said in a video posted on TikTok.
These adults may have been dismissed, invalidated or ignored by their caregivers when they tried to advocate for their needs during childhood.
These early experiences can be very painful, and become rooted in a person’s psychology.
Thus, the victim comes to associate speaking up for themselves with getting hurt, and stops doing it in order to avoid a negative outcome.
Feeling awkward when asked: ‘How are you?’
The second sign is ‘feeling awkward when people genuinely check in with you about your feelings, Cohen said.
‘So you distance yourself, which teaches them not to ask anymore.’
People who have suffered from childhood trauma often find it difficult to communicate their feelings effectively.
This may be due to their caregivers invalidating their emotions in those early years of development. These experiences can make it feel unfamiliar and uncomfortable when people genuinely want to know how they are feeling.
Adults who suffered from childhood neglect may feel lonely, but find it difficult to connect with others when opportunities arise
Imposter syndrome
Victims of childhood trauma may also have an ‘inferiority complex, or imposter syndrome,’ Cohen said.
These psychological phenomena are characterized by an ‘inability to see your own worth with a nagging belief that everyone else somehow is more prepared or better than you in some way,’ he said.
The root cause of this is damaged self-esteem, according to Psychology Today.
Adverse Childhood Experiences, like neglect, have been found to lead to low self-esteem and shame, and feelings of worthlessness and powerlessness can persist long into adulthood.
Difficulty sharing your emotions
The fourth sign is ‘difficulty sharing your emotions – partially because you never learned to identify them yourself,’ Cohen said.
This is related to the feelings of awkwardness that adult victims childhood trauma often experience when they are genuinely asked how they feel.
If caregivers do not show care or concern for a child’s emotions, it not only teaches the child not to share in order to avoid a negative response, but it also prevents the child from learning how to effectively communicate what they are feeling.
In this way, the neglect disrupts a key part of their emotional development, and that impact can show up in adulthood.
Feeling lonely, but struggling to connect
Finally, ‘feeling lonely, but also seemingly unable to connect with others when opportunities arise,’ can be a sign of childhood trauma, Cohen said.
This causes adults who experienced neglect in childhood to opt for isolation and seclusion, even at social events, he explained.
If a child’s attempts to bond and form positive relationships with their caregivers are rejected, it can lead to lasting fears of rejection and trust issues.
Thus, adult victims of childhood trauma may believe that connecting with others will only lead to more pain, betrayal or abandonment, which is why they chose to isolate themselves instead.
Child abuse and neglect are staggeringly common in the US. At least one in seven children experienced child abuse or neglect in the past year, according to the Center for Disease Control.
The lasting impact of these Adverse Childhood Experiences can be treated with therapy, which helps victims process what they went through and grow into mentally healthy adults.