‘Spiders and crabs had been crawling throughout me in I’m A Celebrity hallucination hell’

A man has spoken out about being left feeling paralysed by fear as “spiders and crabs crawled all over his body.”

Sam Thomas was suffering from hallucinations as bad as any I’m A Celebrity jungle trial. They were “delirium tremens” which are common among people with severe alcohol dependency combined with malnutrition.

Sam, from Brighton, started suffering from the terrifying experience in his 20s when his alcohol addiction was at its height.

Having lived a healthy life for most of his teens and twenties Sam’s first-ever taste of wine at the age of 18 was so repulsive for him, he chose to abstain completely.

But when a friend spiked his diet coke with vodka at the age of 24, Sam’s life was to head down a terrifying path.

The writer and public speaker says: ‘From that day on, I realised I was seen as uncool being tee-total so I continued to drink. I liked the sensation of relaxation and numbness it bought me, and when my mother died from ovarian cancer a year later, I used it to manage my grief.

‘I soon found that I was left isolated and that those who I thought my friends were in fact just playmates. Being no fun anymore while I was grieving, I found myself drinking at home. Typically, I drank two large glasses of wine on a Saturday night which progressed to two or three bottles by the age of 27.’

Over three years, Sam, 38, turned into a functioning alcoholic. From the outside he looked like he was nailing his career goals and smashing it at the gym, but his secret drinking habit was causing him to unravel.

‘I’d founded and was running an award-winning national eating disorders charity for men and going to the gym every day without fail. But at the same time, I was drinking all the hours I was awake.’

Because he was keeping fit, he convinced himself that his drinking wasn’t a problem.

But as he turned 30 and he struggled to keep fit, he decided to kick the habit for the first time and stopped drinking overnight.

‘Over twenty-four hours after my last drink, I fell ill on the tube on my way to a meeting. I was shaking, had a fever and a general feeling of being unwell like nothing I’d experienced before. Without knowing it at the time, I was experiencing a severe alcohol withdrawal episode.

‘It was an extremely hot day and the sweat was pouring off me. As I stood up to get off the train, I noticed that my body wasn’t doing what I was telling it to and my reactions had slowed down. This was the first sign that I knew something was wrong. It was as if there was a disconnect between my brain, body, and ability to move—almost like an out-of-body experience.

‘I went into a coffee shop near the tube station and asked for a glass of water. I couldn’t get it into my mouth; my hand was shaking so much that I spilled it all over me. An off-duty nurse saw what was going on and stepped in to help me. I was rushed into hospital that afternoon, where doctors were unable to work out what was wrong with me. It wasn’t until five months later, after two further episodes of alcohol withdrawal, before I was finally diagnosed as alcohol dependent’, he remembers.

Sam referred himself to the local substance use service in Brighton but due to the severity of his symptoms – visual and auditory hallucinations after two to three days of stopping drinking – they advised him to attend a residential detox facility in London for ten days.

‘The hallucinations would be of spiders and crab-like creatures that I could physically feel crawling all over me. These episodes were terrifying, and I can’t remember how long they lasted.

‘With access to my phone and internet being strictly forbidden, and no visitors allowed during my admission, the seriousness of my addiction hit me for the first time while detoxing with other addicts’, he says.

As soon as he was discharged, he started drinking again.

‘My relapse brought to light the reality of my illness to my friends and colleagues. Unsure what to do, the management board of my charity resigned in the hope of prompting me to get sober. Even though I’d booked to go to residential detox for a second time, it wouldn’t be for a few months. When the admission date finally came round I bottled it on the day because it was easier to keep drinking’, he explains.

By 2018 he’d left the charity, was living on benefits and nearly lost his flat. He’d been to A&E dozens of times, admitted to psychiatric hospital on three occasions and had been sectioned by the police.

‘By this point, it was apparent to me there was nothing left to lose. Having almost given up hope completely, I’d made one last ditch attempt to get into proper rehab. Knowing the waiting list would take up to a year, I thought this nuclear option would be my last chance.’

Sam went cold turkey again and experienced his most severe withdrawal episode yet. ‘After trying to manage my symptoms alone at home, I attended A&E and pleaded with them to help me, as I had come to the end of the road. They decided to admit me and since detoxing in hospital for seven days I have never looked back.

‘I now count myself as lucky to be alive. I didn’t know at the time that stopping drinking would kill me. Going cold turkey can be seriously dangerous if you drink every day.

‘Now approaching five years sober, I want to share my story so that others realise they are not alone. If I’ve learned anything, it’s that addiction thrives on isolation and secrecy, which is all the more reason we need to talk about it without shame. Having been in recovery since the start of the pandemic, I’ve concluded that recovery has to be more compelling than the addiction ever was’, he adds.

And as for the hallucinations? They stayed with him for a while but over the years he has learned to forget them.

And he has got some new pets. Four tarantulas and a scorpion to remind him how far he has come.

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