‘I took my spouse to Dignitas – she instructed docs one highly effective factor earlier than dying’

Dave Sowry describes his wife’s final moments as ‘extraordinary’ after risking prosecution to stay by her side as she drew her last breaths.

The 68-year-old flew over to Dignitas, an assisted dying clinic in Switzerland, with wife Christy Barry in September 2022. And as the new Assisted Dying bill is debated in parliament, Dave, from London, argues that grieving loved ones shouldn’t have to deal with this additional fear. He insists people like Christy deserve the choice to die on their own terms, closer to home.

The couple fell in love after connecting on dating site Guardian Soulmates in 2002, back when they were both in their forties and got married three years later. They led active lives, with their first holiday together being a ski trip. But then, after exhibiting worrying symptoms, academic researcher Christy was diagnosed with Multiple sclerosis (MS) – a chronic, incurable disease that affects a person’s central nervous system (CNS).

Dave, who became Christy’s full-time carer, told the Mirror: “It was like watching somebody ageing but on fast forward. She went from 50 to 100 in about six years.” As her health declined, Christy was left unable to stand on her own, developed epilepsy, and experienced excruciating neuropathic pain. Things took another agonising turn when her epilepsy medication exacerbated her symptoms.

Christy, who was forced to retire due to ill health in 2012, had gone from being a fiercely independent woman to requiring care in all areas of her life, all while “suffering unbearably”.

In February 2022, Christy made the difficult decision to apply for Dignitas membership, writing in her diary at the time that the option to die gave her an “enormous sense of relief”. Looking back on this turning point, Dave reflected: “People have no idea what it’s like to actually sit down and seriously make the decision that ‘I do not want to live anymore’.

“It’s just such a huge decision to have to make. You know, getting married or moving house or whatever – all these other things that are stressful in your life pale into insignificance behind making a decision like that.”

At this point, Christy didn’t have a particular time frame in mind, but was aware that the process would be “long and drawn out”, with a personal statement and biography required alongside medical records. It took until August of that year for Dignitas to give Christy the ‘green light’ – which Dave remembers as being a ‘gulp moment’ where he realised, ‘this is actually going to happen’. Christy initially set a date for November, with the three-month period ahead seeming at the time ‘like ages’ for a couple who’d been living ‘day to day’.

Christy ended up bringing the date forward from November to September, at which point the only accommodation available to them was a ‘very fancy hotel in Zurich’. Dave shared: “And [Christy] suddenly said, ‘I’m not just going to go for a night. We’re going to have a holiday there’. My initial thought was, ‘You’re mad’. But actually, it was a good thing.”

As they said their goodbyes to their London home, having told a small group of friends about their plans, Christy was “terrified that there would be a knock on the door and she’d be stopped”. Despite everything, Dave believes they were ‘lucky’ in some ways, as Christy was still able to make arrangements by phone and by email. They also had the financial means to travel to Switzerland – a privilege denied to many sufferers.

Remembering those final few days together in Switzerland, Dave said: “Being in Switzerland for four or five days, it was a bit of a holiday. We’d never stayed in a hotel like that before, but she said, ‘Well, it’s my money. I’m not going to be spending much of it in the future, am I?’ And four days seemed like a long time.”

There was, however, also a process to go through, which brought them closer and closer to their reason for being there. The day before Christy’s death, she attended an interview with one of the Dignitas doctors while Dave waited in the room next door. Although it was clear by this point just how disabled Christie was, they did have to determine that she was of sound mind and was clear in her decision.

Dave remembers witnessing the doctor having a ‘philosophical discussion’ with Christy about their shared love of singing in choirs. He recalled: “With hindsight, I suppose that’s how you ascertain that somebody is of sound mind. She was clearly in full possession of her faculties and able to make a proper decision. And that was a relief once that was over, but again, it was another step on the way.”

All along, Dave had wondered whether Christy might change her mind, but the “further she went on, the more certain she. […] Seeing the doctor was another step closer, but it still felt then, you know, we’ve got another 24 hours. That seemed like a long time.”

Then came their final morning together. Dave continued: “On the morning, it’s very weird; you just live a normal life. You know, you have breakfast. She was brushing her teeth, and I think she said, ‘Am I mad brushing my teeth? What’s the point?’ But you do go on living as normal life as possible. And even when we got to Dignitas itself, it was an hour’s worth of form filling and explaining what happens.”

Having watched a Panorama documentary on the topic some years before, Dave knew some of what to expect. Christy took medicine to stop her from being sick; then began a half-hour wait before she would be administered a lethal dose. Looking back on that last hour, Dave remembered: “In the true sense of the word, it was extraordinary. It was real and surreal. And very profound and very moving.”

“Christie seemed so calm, so serene. So certain. It suddenly looked as though she was just ten years younger. All that worry, all those perpetual frown marks, all that sort of washed away from her. She was very calm about it. She said that she loved to think that she was returning to the spirit of nature.”

When the time came, Dave remembers Christy’s death as being “peaceful” and “not traumatic at all”. Dave said: “There’s no reason it shouldn’t be the same for people in this country as it was for Christy there. When the moment came, she drank the mouthful of liquid, and drank some sweet cordial to take the taste away.

“I wasn’t counting, but I would say probably within a minute, she was asleep. And within five minutes, there was that feeling that she was no longer there. It really was peaceful, and not traumatic at all in that sense.”

Dave reflected: “I think it’s fair to say she got the death that she wanted, but she didn’t get it in the place that she wanted.”

In her final letter addressed to friends and family, which Dave posted for her on his return journey, Christy said: “I’ve had a very rich and full life, but my MS has been rapidly and frighteningly worsening of late; I cannot go on. My MS has crept up slowly on me over the past 10 years, bit by bit, removing more of my bodily functions… So please don’t judge me harshly for making this decision to bring the curtain down.”

Upon his return to England, Dave handed himself into the police, as he didn’t “like the idea of waiting for days or months or years for a potential knock on the door”. He was formally interviewed, but officers ultimately decided against taking further action.

In this regard, Dave views himself as fortunate. According to the organisation Dignity in Dying, those who go with loved ones to Dignitas and remain present throughout the process run the risk of prosecution and could face up to 14 years in prison upon their return to the UK.

Dave went on to say his final goodbyes to Christy in one of her favourite places, the Lake District, where he scattered locks of hair to the wind and planted trees in her memory. He’s also paid tribute to his wife through his support of the group My Death, My Decision – a movement that campaigns for assisted dying reform in the UK.

Today, a new Assisted Dying Bill will see a second reading in parliament. If successful, it will then go through to a committee stage, beginning several months of line-by-line scrutiny before a final vote is cast in the House of Commons next year.

If passed, this bill would allow terminally ill people with less than six months to live the right to choose to end their lives. Said to have the strictest safeguards anywhere in the world, under this proposed legislation, two doctors must be satisfied a patient is eligible, while a High Court judge must hear each application.

Processes will also be implemented to ensure people can change their minds. Patients will have to administer the fatal dose themselves, as it will still be illegal for anyone other individuals – including doctors – to give it to them.

Speaking to us about the bill, Dave remarked: “I really am hopeful that this bill does pass. And it will be a travesty for democracy if the 75 per cent of people who want change don’t get it.”

He added: “I don’t want to impose my moral framework on anybody else. All I’m asking is for is the option of choice for people like Christy so that people don’t have to go through what she had to go through. I want that option to be there.”

The Samaritans is available 24/7 if you need to talk. You can contact them for free by calling 116 123, email jo@samaritans.org or head to the website to find your nearest branch. You matter.

Do you have a story to share? Email me at julia.banim@reachplc.com