Former Liverpool midfielder Jason McAteer has opened up on his struggles with mental health following his retirement from football, admitting he suffered from depression and considered suicide
Former Liverpool midfielder Jason McAteer was unable to hold back tears as he opened up about his mental health struggles following his retirement from football.
The 53-year-old, who hung up his boots in 2007 after a stint with Tranmere Rovers, having made 156 Premier League appearances, spoke bravely about his battle with depression and suicidal thoughts as he tried to adapt to a life without football at its core.
McAteer broke down as he revealed that he once contemplated crashing his car intentionally while en route to pick up his son. He confessed that he still struggles to fill the void left by the thrill of his professional playing days.
In an emotional conversation on beIN SPORTS’ Tales, Tears and Trophies podcast with ex-Manchester United and Arsenal defender Mikael Silvestre, the former 52-time Republic of Ireland international said: “I just had no purpose, mate, it was no structure.
“The TV stuff, I mean I wasn’t working every day of the week. It would be like maybe one show a week or maybe two shows a week. It was very sporadic. Days and days and days with nothing to do, yeah.
“And I got to the tunnel, that tunnel between the Wirral and Liverpool. My child, who I was keeping this relationship with under difficult circumstances, lived on the other side of this tunnel.
“And I was driving through the tunnel, and it upsets me, because it takes me back to this moment because I can feel it. And as you go out the daylight into the tunnel light, it’s like this kind of light.
“I remember thinking to myself, I’m just going to swing the car here and just end it. That’s how easy it is. And I was fighting myself not to do it, fighting going ‘do it, do it, do it, do it do it’.
“And I’d be like, ‘no’. ‘Do it’. ‘No’. And I’d be fighting the steering wheel and I remember coming towards the end of the tunnel and it was like the daylight was opening up.
“And I remember coming out the tunnel thinking ‘thank God, just thank God’. And I went to get my little boy, because I always used to take him to the pictures. I took him to the pictures and I drove home.
“I got to my mum’s. My mum lived 10 minutes around the corner and I knocked on a door and I remember just saying, ‘I can’t do it anymore. That’s it, that’s it’. And I was just at that point.”
He then broke down saying, “Oh man, it was tough. Just like everything had gone… I don’t half miss it. I miss… I miss everything about playing. I miss it. Yeah, I just miss it. Just like running, just running out, just running out, just free on a footy pitch. No problems.”
For emotional support, you can call the Samaritans 24-hour helpline on 116 123, email jo@samaritans.org, visit a Samaritans branch in person or go to the Samaritans website.