An expert has revealed the five signs you might be in a ‘toxic’ friendship with a narcissist, while warning these are ‘much harder to spot’ than indicators of a narcissistic partner.
US-based Marcela, the creator behind @beyondthebruise on TikTok, regularly shares educational content about the personality type on her social media pages.
One such clip focused on ‘narcissistic friendships’, with the American content creator explaining that these can be ‘just as toxic’ as romantic relationships with someone who has a narcissistic personality.
‘But,’ she continued, ‘they’re a lot harder to spot.’
Marcela explained that a narcissistic friend will ‘make everything about them’ while barely showing up for you, or meeting your needs, in her TikTok that has racked up over 42,000 likes and 550 comments.
Several of Marcela’s followers appeared to resonate with her observations while characterising a narcissistic friend, including that they ‘give nothing back’, and even shared their own experiences of having encountered such a person.
Narcissism is an extreme level of self-absorption to an extent that makes a person ignore the needs and feelings of other people around them.
Narcissists frequently dismiss other people in order to get what they want and do not understand the effect their behaviour has on other people.
US-based Marcela, the creator behind @beyondthebruise on TikTok , regularly shares educational content about the personality type on her social media pages
One such clip focussed on ‘narcissistic friendships’, with the American content creator explaining that these can be ‘just as toxic’ as romantic relationships with someone who has a narcissistic personality
Dr Sarah Davies, a trauma therapist based in Harley Street, previously explained to FEMAIL: ‘Narcissism is very much on a spectrum, ranging from being a little selfish or self-absorbed sometimes (which we can all be), through to “narcissistic defences”, to a full-on personality disorder, bordering on sociopath.’
According to Marcela, someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) loves the spotlight ‘but only when it’s on them’.
‘They dominate conversations, they’ll interrupt you constantly, and they’ll shift the focus to themselves, but the second that you need support, they tune it out, they downplay it, they somehow make it about their own struggles,’ she continued, while sharing behaviours to watch out for.
If everything feels like a competition with your friend, chances are they might suffer from NPD, Marcela continued.
They might have a tendency to ‘one up you’ because they treat every interaction as the opportunity to ‘prove that they’re superior’ to you.
The third sign you might be dealing with a narcissistic friend, according to Marcela, is that they disappear when you need them the most.
If you’ve noticed your friend is only around when things are going well for you, ‘when you’re fun, and when you’re successful’, but ghost you and act like you’re a burden when you need actual support, it might be time to reevaluate the relationship.
She also highlighted that a lot of their compliments may feel like ‘insults in disguise’ and recommended listening for these ‘backhanded’ statements, such as ‘I wish I could get away with wearing that’ or ‘I wish I didn’t care about what I ate like you do’.
According to Marcela, someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) loves the spotlight ‘but only when it’s on them’
If everything feels like a competition with your friend, chances are they might suffer from NPD, Marcela continued
She also highlighted that a lot of their compliments may feel like ‘insults in disguise’ and recommended listening for these ‘backhanded’ statements
‘A good friendship leaves you feeling seen and supported,’ she explained
Finally, if you always come away feeling ‘drained’ after spending time with them, you could be dealing with a narcissist.
‘A good friendship leaves you feeling seen and supported,’ she explained, ‘but a narcissistic friendship leaves you exhausted because you’re constantly walking on eggshells around them.’
Reacting to Marcela’s guidance, one TikTok user noted how her best friend in middle school ‘displayed all this [sic] behaviour’.
‘It traumatised me and I’m still trying to unravel all the damage,’ they wrote.
Another shared that being friends with a narcissist ‘completely changed me’ while a third said: ‘I’m so glad that I get [sic] rid off my narcissistic friendship, still healing but I’m getting better.’
A forth person replied with a sixth ‘sign’ that narcissists ‘get really mad’ when you set boundaries.
‘They sure do,’ Marcela responded to the TikTok user.
In an interview with FEMAIL, London-based conflict resolution expert Francesca Santoro advised anyone dealing with a narcissist to fight back, and shared the tools people should use to ‘beat a narcissist at their own game’.
Several of Marcela’s followers appeared to resonate with her observations while characterising a narcissistic friend – and even shared their own experiences of having encountered such a person
She explained that narcissists thrive and, in many ways, feed on your emotions, so it’s best to starve them.
‘They will manipulate them [your emotions], especially anger’ said Francesca.
‘Conflict with a narcissist is brutal and unrelenting, the goal is to inflame and destroy you mentally. So don’t engage in any way if you can avoid it’.
British trauma specialist Annalie Howling agrees, with the author of the self help book, Unapologetic suggesting ‘only put in what you are happy for them to use and critically discard’.
If you must engage with one, keep the conversation light and don’t divulge too many personal details, she added.
The experts shared a range of techniques, including cutting off from them to clear your mind, being pragmatic and fact-based, as well as physically drowning them out by usig earplus or other tools.
Arming yourself with expert knowledge is the best line of defence against a narcissist, but if all else fails, it’s best to end the relationship – no matter the nature, explained Francesca.
She told those seeking help to ‘accept that this is who they are’ and to end things right away, although she admitted this ‘wasn’t always easy or quick’.
‘You can’t change them… just disengage as much as you can if possible’ she continued. ‘Leave any relationship you have with them!’
And as Annalie aptly put it: ‘Trust your intuition or that of a trusted friend. If something feels off, it probably is’.