A few years ago, I lost something I’d once held very dear: my libido.
Waking up at 4:30am for a breakfast radio job, running on caffeine and carbs, and juggling a hectic social life had well and truly zapped my mojo.
My body was running on fumes, and the joys of a healthy sex drive were long gone. I was gutted. I missed feeling flirty, cheeky and, well, horny.
So, I made some changes. I cleared my schedule, embraced early nights and started eating like someone who doesn’t hate vegetables. And, slowly but surely, it worked.
My favourite bedside contraption was buzzing again, my flirt game returned, and I could watch The Notebook without rolling my eyes. Lesson learned: never take your libido for granted.
So when I joined a friend for lunch last week – running late, of course – and found her completely absorbed in a raunchy novel, I was intrigued. She laughed, blushed and slipped it back in her bag. Then she told me something I wasn’t expecting: ‘Ever since I started reading these, I can’t get enough of my husband.’
Apparently, a nightly chapter of erotic fiction was all it took to reignite her fire. She said it unlocked something primal within her and now her man can barely keep up.
The thing is, low libido is incredibly common. But what we don’t talk about nearly enough is how people get it back. And it’s not with candles or bubble baths, but with weird and wonderful fixes that actually work.
Jana Hocking reveals some of the weird and wonderful ways women got their libidos back
I asked my Instagram followers to share the unconventional, eyebrow-raising tricks that brought their libidos back to life – and their bedrooms back to business.
Here are some of my favourites…
‘We introduced orgasm control’
Proving once again that I have the most open-minded followers, one man shared with me a surprisingly, um, niche way he got his libido back.
‘My wife and I were stuck in a rut… kids, jobs, stress. The spark was gone. I suggested trying orgasm control, where she would have total say over when (and if) I could climax,’ he said.
‘At first it was just a fun idea, but over time it completely transformed our intimacy. The power dynamic made us feel more connected, more playful and way more turned on.
‘Now I’m in full-time chastity – a literal cage around my you-know-what. She holds the key. We’ve never been closer. It’s our sexy little secret and it saved our sex life.’
‘I got a Mirena and suddenly became a hornball’
One woman wasn’t looking for a libido boost but certainly got one after changing her method of contraception (stock image posed by models)
One lady found her libido in a place she wasn’t even looking.
She told me: ‘I wasn’t looking for a libido boost – I just wanted better period control. But after getting a Mirena [contraceptive coil], I went from masturbating once a week to five times.
‘I was single at the time and had to invest in a few high-quality toys to keep up. Apparently only five per cent of women report increased libido on the Mirena, but if you actually ask around, it’s way more common.
‘These days I still go through cycles: low during my period, wild during ovulation, but overall my sex drive is thriving. Lucky I’ve got a couple of great friends-with-benefits on speed dial.’
What is it about ovulation that drives us all wild? Men really should start tracking their partners’ cycles…
‘I started sleeping with a dominant man’
One woman tells me embracing her submissive side helped kickstart her libido.
‘I’d always kept certain desires buried deep because I was scared of being judged. Then after reading a few erotic novels that featured a dominant lover, I realised I wanted to try being with one myself,’ she told me.
‘I ended up meeting a “Dom” on a dating app who created a space where I could just be myself – no shame, no performance, just raw, honest exploration.
One of Jana’s friends credits reading erotic novels with reviving her sex drive (stock image)
‘The emotional safety turned me on more than anything else ever had. I’ve never felt more sexually alive.’
‘I realised I was gay’
One woman realised her libido wasn’t gone, it was just lost amongst the wrong crowd
‘I spent most of my twenties dating men and wondering why I never wanted to have sex. I thought maybe I just had low libido, or was broken,’ she explained.
But when I finally admitted to myself that I was attracted to women – and started dating them – my entire body woke up.
‘Suddenly I couldn’t get enough. It turns out I wasn’t lacking desire; I just hadn’t been with the right people.’
‘I left my husband’
I received quite a few similar stories from divorcees all saying basically the same thing, but this story perfectly sums it up:
‘I didn’t realise how much my relationship had been numbing my sexuality until I left it. My ex wasn’t a bad guy, but we were totally disconnected. I’d convinced myself I just wasn’t a sexual person anymore.
‘But once I moved out and started living for myself again, the spark came back almost overnight.
‘I felt sexy again, for no one else but me. I bought new lingerie, started dating and for the first time in years, I actually wanted to be touched again.’
Divorce = return of the libido!
‘I masturbate before going on dates’
All one lady needed was a bit of ‘me time’ to really get her motor running.
‘I was single and dating, but had zero sex drive. Every time I went out with someone, I just couldn’t be bothered. I spoke to a sexologist who suggested I turn myself on before heading out,’ she said.
‘It sounded ridiculous but I gave it a go. I had a little solo session before one of my dates and holy moly, it flipped a switch! I felt sexy and confident. Gamechanger.’
If only more people took their libido more seriously, we’d have some very happy people walking amongst us.
‘We started watching Vikings’
One man was delighted to discover that his wife’s libido quickly returned after a night in front of Netflix…
‘My wife and I had been in a bit of a drought,’ he began.
‘Then one night, we started watching Vikings, and something about the leather and beards flicked a switch. I didn’t ask questions; I was just happy to cash in.
‘It was the start of a whole new chapter for us. Now we call it our “horny show” and use it as foreplay.’
‘I quit my toxic job and suddenly I was horny again’
It’s amazing what a change of scenery can do for one’s horniness…
‘My libido disappeared at about the same time my boss started sending 11pm emails and scheduling 7am meetings,’ a woman in her thirties told me.
‘I was burnt out, resentful and completely disconnected from my body. Sex was the last thing on my mind.
A woman’s sex drive came roaring back after she quit her job (stock image posed by models)
‘But after I finally walked away from the job, it was like someone turned the lights back on. I felt alive again. I had time, I had energy, and my sex drive came roaring back. Turns out an overwhelming mental load is the biggest turn-off of all.’
Bon voyage, boss!
‘My wife had weight loss surgery’
A life-changing surgical procedure worked wonders for one couple’s marriage.
‘My wife had weight loss surgery and experienced a huge spike in libido,’ one happy husband told me.
‘It wasn’t just the physical transformation, it was the confidence and happiness that came with it. She felt good in her body for the first time in years, and that joy translated into our relationship.
‘We’re more connected now than we’ve ever been, and sex is no longer an afterthought. It’s become something we prioritise, and enjoy, together.’
This reminds me, I’ve heard of similar benefits from friends on Ozempic…
‘We started texting at work’
Now if you read my Saucy Secrets column every Sunday, you will know this is a tried and tested method I like to share with readers, so I’m glad to hear others have discovered it really works.
‘My husband and I had fallen into a boring routine. Love was there, but lust wasn’t. So I suggested we start sending cheeky texts during the day. At first it was awkward, but once we got into it… Wow.
‘By the time he walked through the door, I was already halfway undressed. It was like dating again, but from a distance. Now we do it once or twice a week and our sex life has never been better.’
Who doesn’t love a saucy text from someone in the middle of their working day?
‘I started fantasising about my Pilates instructor’
I mean, look, this one is slightly cheeky, but if it gets the job done…
‘I’d been with my husband for nearly eight years, and the spark had well and truly gone. I still loved him, but I just wasn’t into it. Then I started going to reformer Pilates and, I’m not gonna lie, the instructor was sexy,’ a woman in her early forties told me.
‘I’d find myself daydreaming about him during class, and without realising it, my libido started creeping back. I’d go home all flustered and suddenly feel like jumping my husband’s bones.
‘I never acted on my fantasy about Mr Pilates, but it enough to wake something up in me.’
Some final thoughts…
So, if your sex drive has gone MIA, don’t panic, and definitely don’t settle for a life without orgasms. As these stories prove, the spark can come back in the most unexpected, unconventional and downright naughty ways.
Whether it’s a hormonal shift, a fantasy fling or a full-blown lifestyle overhaul, your libido isn’t lost – it’s just waiting for an invitation to return.
And when it does… your vibrator (or husband/boyfriend) better be ready for action.