JUST JANE: Today our agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is dealing with a new issue from a Daily Star reader who doesn’t believe her partner is interviewing sex workers for a literary project
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Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Check out some of Jane’s top recent advice:
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‘Wild swinging neighbours keep offering to give my girl a good servicing’
He’s never written a word in his life
My boyfriend is spending a lot of time with sex workers. He says it’s all perfectly innocent and that I have nothing to worry about. He claims he’s writing a book about the sex industry – in particular the life of a call girl he’s formed a bond with.
He has grand plans for his book. He thinks it could be turned into a documentary, a play or a film and that he could get a podcast off the back of it.
This from a man who has no writing experience who has never shown any interested in literature in his life.
Of course I’m suspicious. Our relationship is in freefall. I’m struggling to speak to him, while he’s accusing me of being unenlightened and having a closed mind. His guilty secret was revealed last month when a well-meaning friend took me to one side. She said that her ex-boyfriend had reported seeing my man at a notorious, local knocking shop on several occasions.
I confronted my guy, and his reaction was so cool, it was extraordinary. He admitted to visiting the joint but said he was purely there for research. Yes, he did pay the women for their time but all they did was chat and share their life stories. He said that he’d been profoundly moved by tales of complicated childhoods, controlling boyfriends and wanted to get everything down in the interests of research. I demanded to see his notes, and he said they were private…
I’ve now accused him of destroying our sex life and my trust. There’s no way that I’m going to sleep with him because I just don’t believe the guff, he’s telling me is true. I believe he’s privately paying for sex, while attempting to pull the wool over my eyes. Don’t you agree?
JANE SAYS: Sounds like your bloke has been busted.
You know him best, if you think it’s highly unlikely that he’s suddenly discovered his inner Charles Dickens then you must trust your instincts and call him out on it.
Did he ever plan to tell you about his ‘research’ himself? How come you had to hear all about his secret trips to a local establishment from a third party? It would be interesting to find out just how much money he’s already blown and what kind of journalistic investigations he’s been conducting… Funny how he won’t allow you to skim his notes – not even for a moment. Back side covering?
There’s no denying that the sex industry is a seedy and complicated one. There are a huge number of injustices to be exposed and personal stories to be told but is he really the man to tell them? If you’re inclined to give him the benefit of the doubt, then give him space and take your leave. Tell him to get back to you once he can present you with a transcript.
However, if you firmly believe that he is insulting you and stringing you along then you need to protect your mental and sexual health by showing him the door. Obviously, I don’t know the man but his excuse for visiting the brothel sounds as far-fetched as a porn movie plot.
She finds sex yucky
I wonder if my girl is confused about her sexuality. We cuddle all the time but haven’t had intercourse in over a year. She boasts to mates that we enjoy a brilliant love life, but her idea of sex is very different to mine.
When I suggest an early night, she visibly shudders and says, “We won’t get naked and do all that yucky stuff, will we?” I’m climbing the walls. I miss passion and physical contact, but she doesn’t seem bothered anymore. It feels like we’ve taken a wrong turn.
JANE SAYS: Kisses and cuddles are lovely, but you don’t feel you’re being taken seriously. What’s going on in her mind? Has she lost his sexual confidence? Does she need to speak to her GP? It’s vital you tell your girl that you’re unsatisfied and confused. You love her but miss full sex. You can’t afford to waste your time, your potential and your youth if things are never going to go back to how they were before. If you crave a full sex life, or even children, then you owe it to yourself to call time if this relationship isn’t heading in the right direction and completely fulfilling you. You can’t fall into a cosy rut.
Parents should nose better
My parents want me to have a nose job. I finish university next year and my graduation ceremony will be around July. My Mum thinks it will be lovely to have a new nose for the photographs. She and Dad have always been extremely image conscious. I accept my sister is prettier than me but how dare they?
JANE SAYS: Politely tell your folks ‘thanks, but no thanks’. Explain that you’re not interested in their suggestion and don’t want it brought up ever again. Stand your ground, be strong and leave them in no doubt that you’re, your own person. Of course, you’re grateful for everything they do but this is a suggestion too far. If they have money to burn, then maybe they should give you a cash injection instead?