JUST JANE: Today our agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is dealing with a new issue from a Daily Star reader who is under pressure to roll over and accept whatever her horny bloke fancies
If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
He wants more sex
Back in August my boyfriend was a passenger in a car that crashed. He was lucky to get out alive and claims he saw his whole life flash before his eyes. The shock has made him reassess everything. He now realises that he can’t hold back when it comes to enjoying a full and active sex life because life is short and he has ‘too much love to go round’.
The other night he sat me down and warned me that I must be prepared to share him with another women in future. I know that he’s an attractive and popular man but how dare he? I think this is outrageous. We’re still having sex, but I’m not enjoying it. I keep imagining him with his army of new lovers and feel unattractive and second best. Any time I tell him that he’s being cruel and unfair he suggests I keep my mouth shut because I’m annoying.
JANE SAYS: If this is your boyfriend’s clumsy attempt at suggesting an open relationship, then you need to nip it in the bud. Be completely honest with him. Tell him that the only way ahead for him is as a single man. Is that what he wants, because you’re not prepared to go on this particular journey – of him having multiple other lovers – with him?
Don’t succumb to pressure or emotional blackmail. You may be feeling weaker or under siege right now, but nothing gives him the right to railroad you into a situation that you never signed up to. Oh, and nothing gives him the authority to be rude and disrespectful either.
I deserve big changes
My ex is texting me every day. He says he misses me and wants to know if we can we try again. He promises that everything will be different this time around; he’ll give up alcohol and be kind and considerate. He’ll turn over a new leaf, and I can have anything I want. But can an individual change that much? My friends are fantastic but there’s no getting away from the fact that I’m lonely and alone.
JANE SAYS: Surely you must think back and ask yourself why you and your ex-partner split up in the first place. Was he unkind and inconsiderate? He’s talking about giving up alcohol, but why hasn’t he done so already – as an act of faith?
What else can he do to prove that he’s not simply churning out empty words and promises? Be very careful because it’s possible that he’s attempting to seduce you at a vulnerable time. I don’t believe in going backwards simply out of habit.
Your children may not be perfect but remember that they have their own lives now. Don’t allow this man to make you feel responsible for him. Talk to your friends and plan an independent life that pleases and fulfills you. You don’t need him to complete you, and I’d like to think that there’s someone else out there who will love and treat you better.
Everything is about her
I’m disgusted with the way my mate is treating her son.
He’s announced that he and his partner don’t believe in marriage and won’t be having children. Instead of supporting him, she’s making this all about her. She’s angry that she’s going to be denied a ‘big white wedding’ and grandchildren. I can’t believe this rubbish from a woman I once considered intelligent.
JANE SAYS: Your friend must know that you’re there for her; that you she can rant and rave all she likes and you’ll listen. Don’t judge her but do allow her to get her frustrations off her chest.
Eventually you’ll be able to point out that her son is still the same lovely person. Hopefully she’ll calm down and be able to see how selfish and unkind she’s being.