The Creaking Matildas have unveiled an ageing team of has-beens in their quest to beat England’s young guns in the Ashes – including three debutants all in their thirties
England’s bitter Ashes rivals Australia have revealed their plan to defeat Bazball with a Dad’s Army team of knackered old cobbers with an ancient average age of 33.
The crumbling team has been dubbed “the Saggy Greens” and will be led by doddery fast bowler Pat Cummins.
They have included three dusty old debutants in the squad for the first test – all in their 30s – and only have one spring chicken in their 20s.
Old-timer spinner Nathan Lyon is 37, dinosaur batsman Usman Khawaja is 38 and faded bowler Scott Boland is 36.
Even former Aussie captain Steve Waugh reckons the fossils are all too past it.
Team selector George Bailey tried to defend his codgers, insisting folk should “respect” the elderly has-beens.
The rattled Aussie hit out: “We’re aware of the age profile of the team.”
Opening batsman Jake Weatherald, 31, is in line to make his debut in the first test, and joins uncapped seamers Sean Abbott and Brendan Doggett as the potential newcomers to the side.
It comes after the West Australian newspaper in Oz bombarded Ben Stokes on his arrival in Perth.
It dubbed the legend “Cocky Captain Complainer” and accused him of still being peeved over the creasegate scandal of the 2023 Ashes.
Jonny Bairstow was controversially stumped on the fifth day of the second Ashes Test at Lords by Alex Carey.
He wandered out of his crease at the end of a Cameron Green over, with the third umpire upholding Australia’s appeal as the ball was not deemed ‘dead’.
The West Australian also took aim at Bazball, branding it “cavalier” and “untested in Australia”.
But one amused England fan commented on the “classless” piece, saying: “We are living rent-free in Aussie minds already.”
Another wrote: “Aussies having an absolutely normal one then. As per.”
Your Daily Star also has cricket nut and radio DJ Toby Tarrant’s view on the Creaking Matildas as he supports our coverage throughout the series, which starts in Perth in 15 days on November 21.