JUST JANE: Today our agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is dealing with a new issue from a Daily Star reader who is being hounded by a demanding former crush
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Baby, I don’t care
Back in June I had a brief sexual affair with my partner’s oldest friend. We bonked in public places and took stupid chances.
It was hot and urgent for about five minutes before we both acknowledged it was a huge mistake and, agreed it ‘never happened’.
Now he keeps calling me to discuss his feelings. He bleats that he can’t get me out of his head. The man is freaking me out and scaring me. I don’t give a fig for his feelings.
I can’t work out if he’s attempting to blackmail me or is simply making mischief. My partner must never know about our fling – he would flip out and end things. I’d be left homeless and destitute.
How do I make this goon go away?
JANE SAYS: You may fear the worst, but maybe there is a third option? Maybe your ex-lover does have genuine feelings for you because, often, with sex comes an emotional attachment. The man is not a robot; your fling may have been a brief one, but it’s possible that you touched something deep inside of him.
You must tell your partner the truth, so that there are no more secrets between you. Your ex-lover also must hear that you’re not interested in seeing him again. Your current relationship is going to require a lot of work and fixing. Why did you feel tempted to cheat and how can you apologise to your partner and reassure him that you will never let him down again?
Never forget that blackmail is a criminal offence.
Sis is too strict
Looking after my sister’s kids is a nightmare because she’s so strict. Her two are not allowed sweets or screens. She expects me to mind them (for free) at the drop of a hat but then goes ballistic if she discovers that I’ve broken her rules. This is very difficult, as I don’t impose the same restrictions my own children.
I’ve just had her on the phone ripping my head off because her kids watched a cartoon up in my son’s bedroom. I’m sick of the aggravation. What must I do?
JANE SAYS: Sit down together for a long overdue chat. You need to make it clear to your sister that you are happy to help her out when you can, but she can’t continue to be aggressive and rude when you’re doing her a favour. It goes without saying that emergencies pop up from time-to-time and we all aim to pitch in the best we can, but she overstepped the mark with her last outburst. She can’t expect you to tip-toe around in your own home.
Can you agree a compromise? Make it clear that unless she agrees to a fresh start, she’ll have to start looking for other (free) childcare options.
Cold comfort
I feel like a stranger in my own home. My friend/landlady treats me like a nuisance even though I pay good money for the room I rent from her. She moans about me cooking spicy food and sitting on her balcony. This is my home; I have no other. Relations between us have never been frostier or more unpleasant.
JANE SAYS: You must have this out because it’s a business as well as personal arrangement. If your friend can’t adapt to your presence, then do you need to renegotiate the house rules or move on? She can’t have it both ways; she can’t take your cash while treating you badly. Stand up for yourself because you must be able to cook, live and relax.