JUST JANE: Today our agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is dealing with a new issue from a Daily Star reader who has returned from a work trip to find a queue of rivals vying for her bloke’s attention
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He’s blaming me for his behaviour
I recently returned from working abroad to discover that my long-term boyfriend now has half a dozen other women on the go. Two are ex-colleagues and others are women he met online and in pubs. He’s openly admits that he’s having sex with all of them and simply expects me to roll over and accept this new state of affairs. I’m gobsmacked.
He complains that he got bored and lonely without me. If anything, this is all my fault for leaving him ‘high and dry’, whilst I ‘selfishly’ pursued my career.
For context I was on a boring six-week training scheme in Strasbourg. I spent 8 hours a day in a windowless office and (dry) nights alone in my room genning up for the next day’s programme – hardly a rip-roaring holiday. I hardly spoke to anyone else let alone had fun.
How can we recover from this when he refuses to give up any of his new conquests or accept that he’s done anything wrong?
JANE SAYS: Your boyfriend may feel he’s covering his tracks with a perfectly reasonable explanation, but you know that he’s tap dancing. You and he don’t have an open relationship, yet he saw fit to hook up with a number of other women while you were away.
The fact that he refuses to take any responsibility or express any regret suggests to me that your relationship is dead in the water. You were abroad on an important training course, yet he couldn’t go for six weeks without cheating.
Now he’s attempting to pretend that his new set up is perfectly normal and acceptable but he’s kidding himself and you. He can do whatever he likes as a single man.
Daughter is being a brat
I recently dropped into my daughter’s new flat only to hear her girlfriend huff: “Your annoying mother is here again”. I thought they liked me visiting with gifts and food. I thought they operated an open-door policy.
My husband and I contributed a huge amount of money in order for her to buy this flat. They wouldn’t have been able to pay the stamp duty or buy any furniture without us digging deep. Now my daughter says she’s sorry, but she wants the spare key back. How dare they treat me like this?
My husband says she’s always been ungrateful, which hurts me too.
JANE SAYS: Your daughter and partner are entitled to feel comfortable and relaxed in their new home.
You must respect their space. Start thinking more in terms of workable boundaries and less about personal exclusion. How would you like someone frequently turning up unannounced? I’m in no doubt that your daughter loves you and is very grateful for everything you’ve done, but she’s a grown woman.
Apologise if you believe you’ve overstepped the mark and ask if you can start again. Perhaps you could keep the key in case of an emergency, but promise not to rock up without checking first?
Family judge my girl
My family disapproves of my younger girlfriend. I don’t care that she’s given up her job and spends my money, because she gives me sex and makes me happy. If I didn’t have her in my life, then I’d have nothing.
My family live miles away yet they feel they have a right to tell me how to live my life. How does that work?
JANE SAYS: This is your life and you’re free to do what you like.
As long as you’re confident that you’re enjoying a good existence in a mutually respectful relationship, that’s all that matters. However, don’t allow your pride stop you from speaking out if you’re in over your head.
It’s great that your girlfriend makes you happy, but if that situation changes then remember that people care.