JUST JANE: Today our agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is dealing with a new issue from a Daily Star reader who can’t keep away from a hot colleague – even though she’s the subject of ridicule
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He’s wicked and demanding
I’m obsessed with a handsome workmate.
He has a full time girlfriend and I’m single but he’s like a drug to me. He knows I can’t resist him and takes advantage. He uses me for sex. We hook up after work.
We sneak back into the building after everyone’s gone and bonk in his office. We strip fully naked and romp in every position imaginable. He demands we go all the way because a quick knee trembler is never enough for him.
He’s wicked, wild and naughty and makes me scream, but he never takes me out on proper dates.
I’m not stupid; I know I should keep away from him and that colleagues are laughing at me, but what can I do when my brain won’t listen to my soft-as-butter heart?
JANE SAYS: Identify your triggers; if they involve alcohol and routine behaviour then set yourself some new challenges and personal goals. Organise to see true friends straight from work and don’t allow your colleague to suck you in.
You must break this unhealthy cycle. This man is a bad habit. Take control of your life and stop destroying your self-worth and reputation. I’m sure this guy is very attractive, but this fling is going nowhere.
Accept that you’re going through a challenging time. We all lose our heads from time-to-time; we take wrong turns, but that doesn’t make you a weak or bad person. It’s a miracle that your firm haven’t installed CCTV cameras…
She’s all wrong for him
I felt things were moving too fast with my last boyfriend, so I asked him for a ‘cooling down’ break. He wasn’t happy and less than three weeks later I discovered he was dating someone new.
Now they’re engaged to be married. I feel he moved on without giving me a chance to prove myself. I know his new girl and she’s not right for him. How do I get him to see the error of his ways, without coming across as bitter?
JANE SAYS: You need to let this guy go. You asked for a ‘cooling down’ break but he took that to mean a complete split. If you feel you made a mistake, then learn from it.
Ultimately, if you were meant to be together, then you would be. I suspect he’s a guy who has been looking to settle down for a long time and, in his new partner, has found someone who is as ready to commit as he is. Don’t make a nuisance of yourself by getting involved in their new life.
Jealousy is tearing me apart
Our sex life is in tatters because of my jealousy. I’m on gardening leave (I start my new job in January).
My partner is working from home. I listen to him chatting to female colleagues during Zoom calls and can’t stand it. He’s so witty and charming that it makes my blood boil. I accuse him of flirting; he accuses me of living in the dark ages.
He says he has to be friendly because his job depends upon it, but I struggle to cope. When it comes to bedtime, I push him away because I’m so stressed and angry. I know he misses intimacy. Why do I do this to myself?
JANE SAYS: No one could blame you for feeling insecure during this unreal time, but you need to give yourself a break. Your partner is simply doing his job while keeping his head above water.
Of course, he has to be friendly and charming towards his colleagues – both male and female – because that’s what the workplace demands. What’s the alternative? That he doesn’t work or earn at all?
Please discuss your feelings. Ask for reassurance and make time for love making. If you have excess energy, then find ways to keep yourself busy. This won’t be forever.